Why People Rationalize Sexual Sin – You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours

Why People Rationalize Sexual Sin – You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours

This was an interesting interview by Janet Mefferd with Robert Reilly,
(Link): Hour 3- Robert Reilly discusses his book “Making Gay Okay.”

Reilly unfortunately does get into the perspective that heterosexuality is so necessary and awesome because it is the basis for families, with families supposedly being the basis for society – a view that I don’t totally agree with, see: (Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

Other than that, I pretty much agree with what all else Reilly had to say.

The points Reilly raises brings to mind a point I too recognized years ago but never thought to blog about before.

Reilly starts out mentioning that not only do homosexuals rationalize homosexuality, but later he also gets into how heterosexuals have also been helping to rationalize homosexuality.

Around the 10.25 mark, Reilly tells Mefferd in the interview (link above) that one reason a lot of heterosexual people are jumping up to defend homosexuality now is that they don’t want anyone judging their (hetero) sexual sin (such as adultery or pre-marital sex).

I remember when I was in my twenties, my sister, who loves attending bars and sometimes getting drunk, used to harass me and pester me into going with her to bars and partying whenever I would visit her. (She lives in a different state from me.)

I would tell my sister that drinking and bar hopping is fine for her, if that is her choice – to bar hop and drink and get drunk – but it was not for me.

My sister would get angry and press me as to “why.”

I never felt comfortable telling her why, because I knew she would take it personally.

After demanding repeatedly, on different occasions over months, to know “why” I was hesitant to drink alcohol (to the point of getting drunk) or visit bars, or why, after she took me to bars I hated the experience, I would finally break down and tell her why.

I even told her in advance that she would not like my reasons, but she still insisted on knowing why anyway.

I told her I considered it wrong behavior FOR ME. I felt it was a sin FOR ME to do these things.

As to drinking, I feel getting drunk is morally wrong, but not drinking in moderation. I personally do not drink at all because I do not like the taste of alcohol, so I’ve always been a teetotaler.

I also am an introvert and despise social functions and social places like bars and night clubs.

My idea of a hot time is staying at home alone, in ratty old comfortable t-shirts, frayed shorts, no make up, and reading a good book or watching an action flick on TV.

I don’t like people or being around people, and I hate parties, bars, and crowds.

I was not judging her for her drinking and bar hopping, but I made it clear I did not feel right drinking and clubbing myself.

My sister still felt judged. I knew she would. I told her beforehand that she would not like my responses.

She would phone our mother hours after our conversations, or within days, and complain that I am “holier than thou.”

(I will add here that my brother is similar on things like this to our sister.

And he would also phone our mother to say that I am a “holy roller” and he would derisively call me “Sunday School Girl” in chats with Mom.

He and my sister were more judgmental than I ever was – for my teetotal behavior and so on – but they never spotted their hypocrisy.

They felt okay judging me negatively for not bar hopping and not drinking, but felt I was judging them for doing that stuff, even though I was not and never did.)

I never once told my sister not to bar hop or get drunk.

I did not call her names. I did not call her a drunk, lush, bar fly whore slut or anything.

I didn’t say anything about her her doing these things.

I did not glare at her or give her dirty glances to hint or imply I did not approve of her life choices to drink and bar hop.

I did not care if she did those things or not because it was her life. She can do with it as she pleases.

I did not even tell her to stop those actions.

I did not tell her to stop bar hopping or stop drinking.

I just said I did not want to join her and would appreciate it if she would stop pestering me to go to bars and drink with her. On my visits, I told her, “you can go out, and I’ll stay in and read books or watch TV.”

I also did not appreciate her or my brother treating me like I’m some big old wet blanket fuddy duddy for not wanting to drink and party like they did.

Their idea of a good time and mine are two different things. Personally, I think bars are pretty dull.

For years, it was a bit of a mystery to me why both siblings acted like I was judgy, Kill Joy Church Lady.

I didn’t care if they wanted to go to bars, drink, and screw around. I just was not interested in that stuff for me.

But they took it personally.

About four years ago, I was attending a local church, and I was telling the ladies in my Sunday School class about this and said I found it curious.

One of the ladies in the class said (and this was something I had suspected all along),

    “The reason your siblings get angry and call you a “holy roller” and other names is that deep down, they know their behavior is not exactly godly.

    “They figure if they can get you to go along with it and drink and bar hop too, like they do, it eases their consciences and makes it seem like what they do is okay, it makes them feel less guilty.”

That’s kind of what I suspected at some points in my life, but it helped to hear another person vocalize it so plainly.

I also think this is a huge part of what drives a lot of people, Christians too, excusing sexual sin, both hetero and homosexual behavior.

You have your hetero Christians who want to boink like wild rabbits but not feel guilty about it, not wanting to be judged for it, so they sit there and when not watering down the plain truth that the Bible condemns pre-marital sex for heteros, they hold hands with the homosexuals and say, “Homosexual sex is okay too, the Bible isn’t against it at all.”

And that is a point this Reilly guy brings out in the Mefferd interview too.

Another point Reilly brings up is that a marriage can only be consummated by a man and a woman.

Reilly says by its very nature a same sex marriage cannot be consummated (“it’s physically impossible,” he says).

His comments about that sort of made me laugh because I just blogged this a few days ago:

Your feminists and some of these LGBQ, LGBT, LGBBQ (whatever the acronym is) hate the view that only “penis – in – the vagina” sex is thought of by conservative Christians as being the only form of true sex.

To me, this is a murky area, because some evangelical Christians and other Christians, especially teen and adult singles, tend to think, “As long as a penis doesn’t go into the vagina, nothing else is off limits!”

In other words, a single Christian guy may rationalize, “My girlfriend can masturbate me with her hand, and that is not “real” sex, because there is no penis and vagina action, hooray.”

So I don’t know.

If you’re a Christian person who defines pre-marital sex to include hand jobs, toe sucking, oral sex, use of sex toys, or whatever, I’m not sure you’d want to use the “only penis in vagina = real sex” view.

I mean, you may have some adults who may get off watching their boyfriend dance around in a gorilla suit while balancing a pine apple on his shoulder while singing “America the Beautiful,” (no, that was never me, never requested my ex do that), and that doesn’t involve penises or vaginas, but it may constitute sex to that particular person.

I don’t know if Christians want to consider sexual behavior as involving only genitalia or not.

To the original point at hand: yes, people are more than willing to look the other way, rather than calling a behavior sin if it’s a sin that they they themselves engage in (or do something similar to it).

Even hetero Christians are more than happy to feign ignorance and make silly arguments that the Bible is just so darn vague about (or some even argue it’s just so darn accepting of) homosexual behavior that Christians might as well stop insisting God is not cool with it –

Because you know if Christians keep pointing out that homosexual sexual behavior is morally wrong, it’s a reminder that heteros like to dabble in sexual sin, too, and we can’t have hetero sexual misbehavior called out as sin, because you know it might lead to those pesky, icky guilt and shame feelings that liberal Christians, ex Christians, and emergents like to lament or rant against.

By the way, I am sure that some Christian homosexual celibates are less than enthusiastic over all the liberal Christians and others who are saying homosexual behavior is just peachy and that God is fine with it.

Here these homosexuals are abstaining from homosexual sex because they know or believe it is sinful, and they get zippo support in their celibacy, just like hetero celibate singles.

(Link): Stop Rewarding People For Their Failure – Christians Speaking Out of Both Sides of Their Mouths About Sexual Sin – Choices and Actions and How You Teach This Stuff Has Consequences – Allowing Sinners To Re-Define Biblical Terms and Standards

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): The New Homophiles: A Closer Look (article) Re: Christian Homosexual Celibates and Christian Homosexual Virgins

(Link): Sex, Love & Celibacy by Dan Navin [written by a homosexual celibate]

(Link): New website launched to help Christians experiencing same-sex attraction / Editorial about Celibacy by Ed Shaw

(Link): Christians Selling Out Hetero Celibacy By Defending Homosexual Behavior – Re: Jars of Clay Controversy

(Link): Biblical Balance in Teaching About Sexual Sin – don’t white wash and downplay sexual sin, but don’t continually beat people up over it

(Link): Sometimes Shame Guilt and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming

(Link): The Christian and Non Christian Phenomenon of Virgin Shaming and Celibate Shaming

(Link): Christian Preacher Admits He Won’t Preach About Sexuality / Sexual Sin For Fear It May Offend Sexual Sinners