Why I Cheated On My Husband – Various Women Explain Why They Had Affairs

Why I Cheated On My Husband – Various Women Explain Why They Had Affairs

Some evangelical, Reformed, fundamentalist, or Baptist Christians likes to live in the land of fantasy, where they often teach and believe that marriage and being a parent makes a person more godly, mature, holy and responsible.

And often, those same groups adhere to and spread false hoods about adult singles and the childfree and childless, that we are selfish, weird, losers, or are not fulfilling God’s roles for our lives.

They also erroneously teach that marriage makes people immune from sexual sin, but it does no such thing. Here are some more examples.

(Link) Why I Cheated On My Husband

    By Colleen Oakley

    The first question that comes to mind when a spouse cheats is: Why?

    A recent study by the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, attempted to answer that question and found that the reasons behind infidelity differ greatly between the sexes. For men, it’s typically about the sex-the more sexually excitable they are, the more likely they are to cheat.

    For women, it’s more about the level of satisfaction in her relationship; if a woman is unhappy in her marriage, she’s 2.6 times more likely to cheat.

    Regardless of the reason, there’s one thing that’s certain: infidelity is devastating. But there can be a silver lining.

    “In many cases, it forces issues to the surface of a relationship that would have never otherwise been dealt with,” says Kevin Hansen, author of Secret Regrets: What if You Had a Second Chance?

    Read on to discover what life lessons these five women gained through their personal experiences with infidelity-and what you can learn from their stories.

    “My husband was abusive.”
    “From the day I married my husband, I knew it was a mistake,” says 50-year-old Elizabeth Smith.* “He was abusive, controlling and expected me to quit my job to make a home for him.”

    A little over a year into the marriage, she began having an affair with a man that she worked with.

    “I had no illusions that I was in love, but it was eye-opening to be with someone that made me feel good about myself, made me laugh and respected me for who I was-not who he wanted me to be,” she says.

    “The affair helped me find myself and proved to me that I could live a life independent of my husband. It also gave me the courage to ask for a divorce. Twenty-five years later, I’m married to a wonderful man. We love making each other happy, and never try to change who the other person is,” she says.

    “We began to resent each other.”
    When Vanessa Myers*, 28, married her husband six years ago, they both couldn’t wait to have children, but after their wedding day something changed for her.

    “I started to really love my job, and kids didn’t seem to fit into the picture,” she says. Her husband was hurt by her change of heart, and began to resent her.

    “We started fighting a lot, and I resented him for resenting me and we were just constantly hurting each other,” she says. “One night I caught him trying to slip off the condom and that was pretty much the end of our sex life.”

    Ultimately, the lack of intimacy caused Vanessa to cheat. “I met a guy online and we dated for about a year,” she says. “It ended when my husband caught me.”

    Vanessa and her husband agreed to seek therapy separately and together, and were able to save their marriage. “The biggest lesson I learned was that if I was unhappy in my marriage, my husband was only 50% to blame. [Having] an affair gave me the courage to ask for what I wanted in my marriage,” she says.

    “I was bored and unhappy.”
    At 35-years-old, Barbara Gisborne was living the American dream. She lived in Madison, Wisconsin, with her loving husband and two children-but she was miserable.

    “My husband was a good man, but I was bored inside and out,” she says.

    “In our community, I always felt like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole.”

    That year, she was in Chicago on business and met Bob, an Australian man, on an elevator.

    “We had an instant connection. We exchanged numbers, kept in touch, and I decided to fly out to Australia to see him and get him out of my system,” she says. “Instead, I fell in love.”

    She left everything she knew-her hometown, her husband, her job and her country-to start her life over with Bob in Australia.

    “I became strong, independent, confident and much worldlier,” she says.

    “That was 25 years ago and now I can say that my affair was the turning point in my life’s journey. Today, Bob and I are married, own a winery in Australia, and have five children and 10 grandchildren between us.”

    “My husband was a workaholic.”
    For 10 years, 49-year-old Barbara Singer created a life independent of her husband because he was never around. “Gary was totally consumed and exhausted by his work-there was nothing left for me,” she says.

    “I was totally committed to my family and gave it my all, but knew in my heart that I certainly did not want this for rest of my life.” One night, she met up with Tom, an acquaintance, and ended up staying out all night with him.

    Within a few weeks of meeting him, she ended her marriage, and two years later, she and Tom were married. But within a month, he died of a heart attack.

    “Meeting Tom was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. He came into my life and woke me up, showing me…that life is precious and that at any given moment, it can all be taken away, so if I have a dream or a goal, I better get moving on it,” she says.

    “He was unfaithful first.”
    Larie Norvell had only been married about a year when she found out that her husband had cheated on her. “I was very angry, but I was also very hurt, because I felt like I wasn’t enough for him-like there was something I wasn’t doing for him as his wife, which is why he felt the need to go outside of our marriage,” says the 33-year-old.

    That jumble of mixed emotions was the impetus for her affair. “I cheated on him-mostly for revenge, but in retrospect it was also because I wanted validation.

    I wanted to know that I was still desirable to other men,” she says. Once her affair was discovered, the couple separated for a few months-but then began to seek counseling and were able to salvage their marriage.

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Related posts:

(Link): The ol’ Christian myth that married couples are impervious to sexual sin but singles have lots of sexual sin

(Link): Perverted Christian Married Couple Wants to “Wife Swap” (For Sex) With Other Christian Couple – Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Jason the Christian’s Sexless Marriage – Christians promise hot regular steamy married sex but it isn’t true

(Link): Southern Baptists Perpetuate Myths About Genders, Sex, and Adult Singles at 2014 ERLC Summit – All Women Are harlots, men cannot control themselves

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link): Marriage does not guarantee sexual purity: Married guy discovers his wife is having sex chats with online buddy

(Link): The Chump Lady Blog – covers some of the same ground this blog does -discusses Jesus Cheaters (Christians Who Have Affairs), other issues

(Link): The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People

(Link): Groundbreaking News: Women Like Sex (part 1, 2) (articles)

(Link): You May Be Surprised How Many Born-Again Christians Use Ashley Madison (web site for married cheaters); story from Huffington Post

(Link): Another Gross Article Suggesting Affairs Are Good For A Marriage