This Is What It’s Like To Be Young And In A Sexless Relationship

This Is What It’s Like To Be Young And In A Sexless Relationship
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Notice from Christian Pundit blogger: There is coming a time when I will either not be blogging as frequently or not at all. Please read more about that here in this post (Link): Blog Break – May 2014 – and List of This Blog’s Best or Most Relevant Posts
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This is kind of interesting. There are couples who would be happy having sex only once a month or whatever, but because we live in such a sex-saturated society, these couples feel pressured to have sex 100 million times a day.

Not only do evangelical, Baptist, and other Christian groups “over sell” sex (they will tell you if you wait until marriage to have sex, that the sex will be regular and great), but it looks like secular society makes much too big deal about sex too.

(Link): This Is What It’s Like To Be Young And In A Sexless Relationship

Excerpts:

    by Catherine Pearson

    … “I would go over to his place and instead of having sex, we would watch movies or play video games,” said Alexis. “I remember being really confused … and talking to him [her boyfriend] about it, because I was getting scared he wasn’t interested in me anymore.”

    … But S. wasn’t concerned. “He said, ‘I don’t know why you would think that. I really like it when we have sex, but I could have sex with anybody. I want to hang out with you,'” said Alexis.

    …Conventional thinking tells us that relationships between young people are supposed to be hot and heavy. Millennials, in particular, are a generation raised on internet porn and Cosmopolitan erotica. They want more sex, hotter sex, now.

    Except, of course, when they don’t.

    Plenty of young couples, like Alexis and S., say they’re fine, even happy, to be in relationships that are relatively sex-free. For these couples, infrequent intercourse isn’t a sign of flagging intimacy or reduced attraction. They just don’t feel the need to make love very often.

    … “There’s definitely research out there to back the idea that for the majority of people — particularly young men — sex drive is highest in youth and declines with age,” said Laurie Mintz, a professor of counseling psychology at the University of Florida and author of A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex.

    … Yet Mintz said it’s a mistake to think that every happy, healthy couple enjoys a single, normalized level of sexual activity. Because the discussion of sexual subjects has historically been taboo in so many societies, historians know very little about couples’ sex lives through the ages, explained Elizabeth Reis, a professor of women’s and gender studies at the University of Oregon.

    … The Internet is saturated with lists and articles extolling the many virtues of having more sex (this site being no exception).

    One particularly insistent blog post on the website of the celebrity heath professional Dr. Oz, entitled “You Need To Have More Sex!,” cites a statistic that suggests married couples are having less sex now than they did 20 years ago. The post’s author, Dr. Corey Hebert, calls this “horrible” and a “disturbing trend.”

    All of which means that couples like Erin, 30, and her 33-year-old fiance T. frequently grapple with what they perceive as pressure to have sex more often than they’d like.

    When they first got together, the duo took their time sexually, kissing and holding hands for the first few months. Once they began having intercourse, they settled into a pattern of sleeping together between two and four times a month.

    But a year into the relationship, Erin overheard T.’s friends talking about how they took girls home three or four nights a week, and she began worrying that something was wrong with her relationship.

    She asked her girlfriends, who assured her their sex lives were also “dying down” — but for them, that meant sex two or three times a week.

    … Erin started initiating sex more often — not because she craved it, but because she wanted the validation. But it wasn’t any good.

    “When you’re having sex because you think you need to, it just becomes a chore,” she said. “You’re in a rush to get it done just to say you succeeded, and if you don’t, you feel like a failure.”

    Then one day, after months of stressing, Erin decided to stop putting so much pressure on herself, and the couple slipped back into the schedule that felt right for them.

    … “For over 95 percent of couples who have no sex, that will be a big problem and is a major cause of divorce early in the marriage,” said McCarthy. “However, sexually one size never fits all, so some couples can be non-sexual and successful.”

    The key to a healthy sexual arrangement, said McCarthy, lies not in meeting arbitrary benchmarks, but rather in creating a unique sexual lifestyle that works for both partners.

    McCarthy emphasized that sex and sexuality can be about so much more than intercourse. Some couples have sex infrequently, but have other ways of expressing their sensuality (think body massages and head rubs), playfulness (say, playing Twister or giggling together in bed), or giving each other pleasure without penetration.

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(Link): Jason the Christian’s Sexless Marriage – Christians promise hot regular steamy married sex but it isn’t true

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): AARP post: How to Handle a Sexless Married Life – But Christians Promise You Great Hot Regular Married Sex

(Link): Married Woman Signing off as “Looking Ahead” Admits to Being in Sexless Marriage for TEN YEARS

(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true

(Link): Wife Writes to Ask Amy About Her Sexless Marriage October 2013

(Link): Resident Christian Marriage Advice Writer at Christian Mag Admits Some Christian Marriages are Sexless

(Link): Her Marriage is Sexless While She Cares For Sick Elderly Father

(Link): Perverted Christian Married Couple Wants to “Wife Swap” (For Sex) With Other Christian Couple – Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens

(Link): Long Time Married Lady Wants to Know If She Can Have Affair Because Husband Has Not Been Spending Much Time With Her – Another example of why Christians need to teach that sexual purity is for all not just young singles

(Link): Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex – Husband is Sexless for Eight Years (article)

(Link): On Marrying a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse (article) discusses having a Sexless Marriage

(Link): Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex / (also discussed): Gender and Sex Stereotypes (article)

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Italian married couple claims accident ruined their sex life, awarded $27,000 – Why Christians Need to Uphold Sexual Purity For All Not Only Young Unmarried People

(Link): I’m Afraid to Have Sex with My Husband – from E. Street – Her Sexless Marriage & She Is Visually Oriented, Prefers Hot, Young Studs

(Link): Long Time Married Lady Wants to Know If She Can Have Affair Because Husband Has Not Been Spending Much Time With Her – Another example of why Christians need to teach that sexual purity is for all not just young singles

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