Another Too Long, Too Strict Suitor List That Will Keep A Single Single: “The Man Who Will Marry My Daughter”
The dude who wrote this, Miano, is sexist. He is a gender complementarian and thinks it is sin for a woman to teach the Gospel to men in public.
Based on other sites I have visited, he does not have a paying job, but his wife does, yet he teaches that a man is head of the house and actually lists this quality as being one he insists a man must have if a man wants to marry his daughter:
- “[a man must] …be able to provide, financially, for his wife and family (1 Timothy 5:8) “
Miano himself is incapable or unwilling to financially support his own family (this is according to information I have read on other sites), so I have no idea why he makes that a requirement for a man who would want to date his daughter.
He also, based upon what others have said on other blogs, goes on his Facebook ministry’s page and begs for people to send him Wal-Mart gift cards and to buy him vans and stuff. If he was financially supporting himself, he would not have to beg funds and for cars from other people.
This blog posting by Miano, by the way, came to my attention via (Link): Stuff Christian Culture Likes. (I would encourage you to click that link and read visitor comments.)
(Link): “The Man Who Will Marry My Daughter” by Tony Miano
You’ll notice in this essay that this guy does not view his daughters as fully functioning, independent adults capable of making their own choices in life.
Miano has infantilized his daughters, who range in age at the time of this writing of about 17 years of age to age 26 or 27, which is a very huge mistake. It is not his duty to choose boyfriends or husbands for his daughters.
A father is certainly welcome to offer his daughter his advice or views on aspects of her life, including whom she is romantically involved with, but not to act as final arbiter of whom she marries.
I completely object to the “dating is sin” or “dating is wrong” mindset this guy has.
Notice also that Miano assumes each daughter will be married and that God “chooses” spouses for them – this is totally unbiblical.
The Bible nowhere states that God will send a spouse to someone; God makes no statement in the Scriptures that he promises that he will send you, or anyone else, a spouse.
Let me also use myself as an example of why this belief that everyone is destined for marriage and God “sends” them a spouse, or chooses a spouse for them, is a falsehood.
I am over 40 years of age, a woman, had expected to marry, was a Christian from girlhood, and prayed daily from childhood onwards for God to send me a husband, and I never got a husband.
It is simply not true that God “sends” or “chooses” spouses for people. If that were true, I would have been married years ago, but I am still single to this day.
It may be that even if you are a Christian and want to marry that God will never send you a spouse, no matter how long you pray for it, and no matter how much faith you have.
You may be single your entire life. Miano’s daughters may never marry.
Here, a bit below, are some excerpts from the page by Miano – please understand that his list is pretty long.
I am not going to reproduce the entire list here; this is only a portion of it (I have additional comments below this excerpt):
(Link): “The Man Who Will Marry My Daughter” by Tony Miano
- by Tony Miano
Godly, manly young Christian men are harder to find these days.
But I will not lower my standards for my future son-in-laws.
I will answer to God, not the culture, for to whom I give my daughters.
Since our daughters were very young, Mahria and I have instilled in them a family commitment to courtship.
Our girls will not “date” before they are married.
We see no biblical precedence for “trying people on for size” or being in relationship with a member of the opposite sex because it is pleasurable or “something to do.” Courtship is a family affair.
… Mahria and I understand that the day will come, probably soon, when three godly men (one for each daughter) will seek our daughters’ hands in marriage.
… (Note to any potential candidate who may read this: if this first essential quality is not true in your life, you need not bother reading the rest of the list. You may be a wonderful young man, but you are not the one my Lord and Savior has chosen for my daughter.)
… not be an adulterer in any form, including pornography (Matthew 5:27-28).
… open car and building doors for women whenever given the opportunity. Chivalry is not dead (1 Peter 3:7).
… understand and accept his biblical role as head of the home and his wife (Ephesians 5:25-32).
…be able to provide, financially, for his wife and family (1 Timothy 5:8)–with the understanding that a man and woman are to remain married in times of plenty and in times of want.
…be able to physically protect his wife and family (Matthew 10:26-29; 2 Corinthians 5:1-10)–with the understanding that a man and woman are to remain married in sickness and in health.
…must leave his parents and cling to his wife (Ephesians 5:25-33). While a man should honor his parents, he must not allow his parents to come between him and his wife. No “mamma’s boys” need apply.
…have a biblical understanding of the Church and is actively participating in a local body of believers–submitting to the authority of the leadership therein (Acts 2:42:47; Hebrews 10:24-25).
…receive my consent to marry my daughter. Otherwise, he is nothing more than a thief.
Understand further that none of Miano’s points is stated in the Bible as being criteria one must insist upon in a mate if one is a Christian.
The only criteria the Bible lays out for selecting a spouse is possibly the ‘be not yoked to an unbeliever’ passage, and that is all it has to say.
Nowhere does God say in the Bible that a Christian woman is forbidden to marry a man who lacks a “biblical understanding of the Church” or who is unable “to physically protect his wife and family” and so forth.
Many times, Christian women who are still single past the age of 30, 40, or older get told they are single because they are “too picky.”
No, it’s not that Christian women are too picky – they have standards and refuse to marry abusive losers or dead beets – but that a lot of FATHERS in Christian families – such as Tony Miano – and Christian authors are keeping single women single into their 30s and older by filling their heads with these un-biblical, ridiculously long and picky, much- too- long lists of mate selection criteria.
As to this last point Miano insists a man should have if he wishes to court or marry any of his daughters:
- … [he must] receive my consent to marry my daughter. Otherwise, he is nothing more than a thief.
Human beings are “kidnapped,” not stolen, as though they are a thing. Your daughter is a human being with her own volition and free will; she is not an object that can be stolen. He has objectified his own daughters with this view, and it’s quite disturbing.
Miano ends the list by saying,
- Well, there you have it. I hope the above list is both helpful and encouraging to many. I don’t expect everyone to agree with my list. Frankly, I don’t care. Michelle, Marissa, and Amanda are my daughters, not yours.
I’ve seen first hand what amount of damage this sort of parenting and teaching can do – I was brought up with aspects of it (by well meaning parents) – and all he is doing is creating some obstacles for his daughters, including keeping them single perpetually.
I mean, it’s rather ironic. He thinks he is being “Protective Dad” by issuing this long list o’ qualities a young man must adhere to before he will permit his daughter to “court” the guy, but all he is doing is
- 1. doing the decision making FOR his daughter (which will leave her wide open to attracting and marrying an abusive man later in life)
2. stunting her maturity, growth, life experience, and decision making abilities
Miano may think he is being helpful to his daughters, but in reality he is stunting his daughters and creating problems for them later in life, including creating impediments that will make it harder for them to marry, if they are able to marry at all.
(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both
(Link): Obnoxious and Sexist Preacher Mark Driscoll Wants Christian Singles to Stay Single Indefinitely – And Even Though Unwanted, Prolonged Singleness has Been a Huge Issue For Christian Singles for A Couple Decades Now – Driscoll: ‘Christians should not marry pro choicers’
(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias