Follow Up – Reactions by Other Writers to Sexist Condescending 50 Something Men Who Think They Are Final Arbiters of If Women Are Attractive Past Age of 40 (Re: Esquire Editorial by Junod)
This is a follow up to my post from yesterday,
(Link): Obnoxious, Condescending, Sexist, Pervy Esquire Editorial by 50-Something Year Old Man: “In Praise of 42 Year Old Women” – Condescendingly Reassures 40 Something Women He’d Sex Them Up
Here are other people’s reactions to the insufferable, obnoxious, ageist, and sexist Junod editorial on Esquire.
(Link): Older women don’t need mansplaining boner prose in praise of their sexiness
- by Jessica Valenti
Friday 11 July 2014 07.15
An homage in a men’s magazine to the ‘carnal appeal’ of 42-year old women is no great win for feminism
Breaking news! Men’s magazines have determined that it is not abnormal for men to ogle and objectify women over the age of 40! Women of the world, feminism has won! Rejoice!
To kick off its annual women issue, Esquire magazine on Thursday published an essay called “In Praise of 42-Year Old Women”, assuring the normally-depressed old hags that dudes (or at least the writer Tom Junod) still want to bang them. Junod – who has an “interesting” history writing about women – writes that, while “[t]here used to be something tragic about even the most beautiful forty-two-year-old woman”, they now have “carnal appeal”.
— start Junod quote
A few generations ago, a woman turning forty-two was expected to voluntarily accept the shackles of biology and convention; now it seems there is no one in our society quite so determined to be free. Conservatives still attack feminism with the absurd notion that it makes its adherents less attractive to men; in truth, it is feminism that has made forty-two-year-old women so desirable.
— end Junod quote
Protip to male writers gorging on self-congratulation as they deem grown woman fuckable: leave feminism out of it.
Junod, careful to qualify that the 42-year-old women worthy of praise are those who “have armored themselves with yoga and Pilates even as they joke about the spectacle”, seems to believe that he has done women a great kindness with this piece. But when he writes that 42-year-old women are “superior” to men and that “the best thing that that forty-two-year-old American men have going for them is forty-two-year-old American women”, he does so with the same benevolence of a lazy husband praising his wife’s laundry skills. (Or financial skills, in his case.)
It’s easy for men to call women “superior” in a society that privileges men at nearly every turn: they’re not the ones being grossly objectified under the guise of a compliment.
Certainly, women over 40 deserve more reverence and respect than they typically get – and I’d love to see women of all ages receive that … outside of women’s magazines and day-time talk shows. We live in a culture, often driven by the media and Hollywood, that paints women over 25 as desperate and pathetic: we’re considered past our prime, never to be “nubile” (a word worth banning from our collective consciousness if there ever was one) again!
But the validation that women seek is generally not of the erection-producing variety. It’s very nice and all that writers are catching on that women of all ages can be sexy, but framing that as an amazing new discovery makes it more about men than it is about us (which feels about par for the course).
For example, in a companion piece on Esquire’s website, writer Stephen Marche urges us all – in a slightly less cringe-inducing way than Junod’s overwrought boner-prose – to retire the word MILF. He writes that “there’s another explanation for the rise of 42, one that’s even more revelatory. Maybe it isn’t fashion at all. Maybe it’s what men wanted all along.”
Right. But maybe, just maybe, what men want isn’t – and doesn’t always have to be – the damn point.
(Link): BREAKING: Esquire Declares 42-Year-Old Women Now F-ckable by Tracy Moore
- Why, used to be, a woman at the age of 42 could hardly be glanced at, much less taken to bed and ravaged shame-free in broad daylight. No longer. Esquire has sent word across all channels that 42-year-old women have been removed from the Do Not Bang list and are no longer off-limits to respectable men. In other news, FIRE SALE AT CHICO’S.
Forty-two year-old broads everywhere can now pack up their loose but crisp linen shirts, let their slightly graying hair down, and select their finest modest but sexy cocktail dress and get back out there.
Behold the clarion call courtesy of author Tom Junod:
—- start Junod quote
Let’s face it: There used to be something tragic about even the most beautiful forty-two-year-old woman. With half her life still ahead of her, she was deemed to be at the end of something—namely, everything society valued in her, other than her success as a mother. If she remained sexual, she was either predatory or desperate; if she remained beautiful, what gave her beauty force was the fact of its fading. And if she remained alone… well, then God help her.
— end Junod quote
We’ve all seen those women — you know, the beautiful aging ones who just seemed so pathetic for existing at all. Also, he is right, I can’t think of more forceful beauty than the fading kind. The not-fading kind is great — don’t get me wrong — but if you think about it, it’s just not quite as potent, all said. However, a hint of beauty once there is just, well, sickening. Really sad, too.
The only thing more ludicrous than Tom Junod’s feelings about 42-year-olds are the misguided assumptions that lurk beneath them… like a 42-year-old woman clawing at the icy surface above her, desperate to escape the tomb of her old age and fading beauty, trapped in part because she acknowledges that icy cold water could significantly invigorate her appearance.
But break free she has: I repeat, 42-year-old women are now mad ballers whom you should seriously consider balling. Look no further than this list of 42-year-old celebrities Tom Junod finds totes fuckworthy:
Surely these women didn’t become hot overnight? There must be some explanation for this mass retaining of hotness in the face of objective tragedy hitting us from all sides:
— start quote
Conservatives still attack feminism with the absurd notion that it makes its adherents less attractive to men; in truth, it is feminism that has made forty-two-year-old women so desirable.
— end quote
Ah yes, if you can thank feminism for anything, it’s for making women hotter for longer. Hey, remember what 42 used to look like?
— start quote
Mrs. Robinson was forty-two. And so if you want to see how our conception of forty-two-year-old women has changed over the last five decades, simply imagine The Graduate remade today, with Cameron Diaz in the part made famous by Anne Bancroft.
— end quote
Strike the old dog who looked, you know, 42, and put in the new, hotter, blonder version who looks you know, 42*. (The asterisk symbolizes an open vagina.)
Question: If 42 is the new everything, is there anything we could all do to go ahead and be 42 now? I can’t speed up time! I need a tiny minute to age and everything. But if 42 is obviously aging while not aging — somehow being both old and young at the same exact moment, then surely there must be some kind of “formula” for how to look and leap at the same second, right?
— start quote
Of course, they have to work for their advantage; they have armored themselves with yoga and Pilates even as they joke about the spectacle. Still, what has made them figures of fantasy is not that they have redefined the ideals of female strength but rather their own vulnerabilities.
— end quote
Ok ok ok I think I got this:
+Be a celebrity
+Joke about how you’re obviously doing yoga and Pilates to keep this hot middle-aged bod running
+Do NOT redefine the ideals of female strength
+DO redefine vulnerability
But how would anyone know that we were this magically appealing age of 42? I mean, is there some way to TELL?
— start quote
Go to a party: There is simply no one as unclothed as a forty-two-year-old woman in a summer dress. For all her toughness, and humor, and smarts, you know exactly what she looks like, without the advantage of knowing who she is.
— end quote
Yeah man, I get it: You can’t hide how you look when you’re 42, amirite? What is so hot about 42 is how the woman clearly has worked so hard to be really hot (and is a celebrity) but is also not wearing a lot of clothes, but this makes her vulnerable.
And you can tell. You know how hard she worked out to not wear any clothes, and that is so hot, but the best part about it is that like, she knows that too? And so she has to be funny about it because she is not like a younger woman. She is 42. And that is a spectacle.
Thank you Tom Junod. From all of us.
(Link): In Praise of 56-Year-Old Men by Kathy Waldman
- Earlier today Esquire published a piece celebrating the 42-year-old woman. We were so moved by the magazine’s openness to women of a certain age that we decided to pen our own ode to a wonderful age, the approximate age of Esquire writer Tom Junod, who Wikipedia says is 55 or 56, but in the spirit of the original essay, we’ll round up.
Let’s face it: There used to be something tragic about even the most handsome fifty-six-year-old man. With approximately three tenths of his life still ahead of him, he was deemed to be at the end of something—namely, everything society valued in him, other than his ability to sometimes knock out a preposterously sexist magazine feature.
If he remained sexual, he was either oddly tan or about to have an adverse reaction from his various ED medications; if he remained attractive, what gave his handsomeness force was the fact that everyone looks handsome in a professionally photographed head shot.
And if he remained alone… well, he’s a bachelor so nothing to see here.
… There are many reasons for the apotheosis of fifty-six-year-old men, and some of them have little to do with fifty-six-year-old men themselves. In a society in which the median age keeps advancing, we have no choice but to keep redefining youth.
Life lasts longer; so do Michael Bay movies, Tootsie Roll Pops if you lick them but don’t bite, and sex.
A few generations ago, a man turning fifty-six was expected to voluntarily go on Lipitor and buy a Miata; now it seems there is no one in our society quite so determined to make vague cultural pronouncements using portentous words like “apotheosis.”
Conservatives still attack feminism with the absurd notion that it makes its adherents less attractive to men; in truth, it is feminism that has made some fifty-six-year-old men so undesirable.
Gary Oldman. Pizza Hut. Lego toy bricks. A very old sweater. It is no accident that every object mentioned here is 56 years old, because that is the premise of my article. Indeed, it may be said that the best thing that fifty-six-year-old American men have going for them is a men’s magazine that will let them announce they are having a lot of sex with a lot of hot women.
Of course, 56-year-old men have to work for their advantage; they have armored themselves with Financial Times subscriptions and elastic waistbands even as they fumble with their CPAP masks.
Still, what has made them figures of fantasy is their own vulnerabilities. Go to a party: There is simply no one more desperate to bang than a fifty-six-year-old man.
For all his humor, and smarts, and bylines, you know exactly what he wants, especially if he’s written about it in a widely-read publication. “You’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?” Martha Washington asked George a long time ago. The question, back then, was all that mattered. Now, no one talks like that.
(Link): Esquire declares 42-year-old women can still be hot in buzz-generating article
- In a piece that appears in the August issue of the magazine, Tom Junod cites Sofia Vergara, Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Garner as examples of ladies who are still sexy despite hitting their 40s.
BY VICTORIA TAYLOR
NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
Friday, July 11, 2014, 5:27 PM
Women no longer have to worry about men finding them unappealing once they reach their early 40s, according to one Esquire writer.
… The article was slammed by critics, many of whom blasted it as sexist.
… Tracy Moore at Jezebel wrote that “the only thing more ludicrous than Tom Junod’s feelings about 42-year-olds are the misguided assumptions that lurk beneath them … like a 42-year-old woman clawing at the icy surface above her, desperate to escape the tomb of her old age and fading beauty, trapped in part because she acknowledges that icy cold water could significantly invigorate her appearance.”
Tricia Romano crafted a spot-on parody of the article for Dame Magazine called (Link): “In Praise of 42-Year-Old Men.”
This editorial unfortunately praised the sexist piece of trash Esquire page, I include it only for the excerpt below:
(Link): In praise of 42: As Sofia Vergara, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Garner and a host of stars hit their 40s one male writer says it’s their confidence that makes them HOT
- And this seems to be backed up by recent research, which revealed that today’s over 40’s generally feel happier, as well as wiser and more confident than they did in their 20’s.
The study found that 56 per cent of women over 40 believe they look younger than their actual age.
The research, carried out by nice ‘n’ easy, also found that 64 per cent of women over 40 say if they could give one piece of advice to their 20-year-old selves, they would tell them to have confidence in themselves.
… Peter Lloyd, journalist and author of forthcoming book Stand By Your Manhood, mused: ‘As the life expectancy goes up, the mean age for “youth” increases.
‘Ever since The Golden Girls hit TV screens in the eighties – way before Sex and the City – women have redefined age on their own terms – glamour and sex are no longer the preserve of twentysomethings.
‘Kylie Minogue, Kate Beckinsale and Kristin Davis are all fine examples of this. They illustrate how looking good doesn’t necessarily mean looking young.
‘Meanwhile, men like George Clooney and Jon Hamm are flying the flag for blokes. One of the best films to show sexuality across age lines is Shopgirl with Claire Danes and Steve Martin – it illustrates how, increasingly, age is nothing but a number. People are confident in showing their sexual and social duplicity throughout their entire lives.
(Link): Sorry, Esquire, lusting after 40-year-old women isn’t progress
- Allow Me To Womansplain
By Elissa Strauss | July 11, 2014
Time to adjust your age settings on Tinder because Esquire’s “most alluring” women of 2014 are 42 years old.
What is it about these enchanting 40-somethings who used to be considered over the hill but now haven’t begun to ascend it? As the writer Tom Junod explains, since the “median age keeps advancing, we have no choice but to keep redefining youth.” Fair enough.
And because “no generation of American women has been as attuned to — or forgiving of — the absurd theater of men trying to get into their pants.” Hmm.
Next: “Go to a party: There is simply no one as unclothed as a 42-year-old woman in a summer dress.” Uh.
Then, the coup de grâce: “Conservatives still attack feminism with the absurd notion that it makes its adherents less attractive to men; in truth, it is feminism that has made 42-year-old women so desirable.” Sorry buddy, but feminism has nothing to do with why you find Sofia Vergara — who sits in a corset in your article’s photo, just turned 42, and rose to fame as a trophy wife — attractive.
I have a slightly different theory as to why the Esquire boys are lusting after older women — and it is in spite of feminism, not because of it. The rise of the hot 42-year-old is a reflection of two strains in our culture, one born out of a resistance to women’s growing power and another that has convinced women that aging is unsightly.
On one hand we ladies are doing better than ever, a phenomenon documented by journalists Hanna Rosin in The End of Men and Liza Mundy in The Richer Sex. As our economy is increasingly dominated by service industry jobs, women are gaining the upper hand in the workforce.
Even though this is a mostly limited to lower and middle classes, the fear, sometimes subliminal and sometimes overt, of women rising is a widespread one. We’ve got the growth of the Men’s Right Movement to prove it.
On the other hand, we have ladies feeling more pressure to be hot later than ever, with “how [insert actress name ] got her body back after pregnancy” and “fabulous after 40” being perennial favorites of gossip rags and celebrity websites.
There is no better way for a woman to redeem herself of transgressions like aging or having a child than getting hot again, no surer way to declare her relevancy in the culture-at-large.
It should come as no surprise then that according to a brand new Gallup Poll women — and to be fair, men too — feel worse about their bodies when they’re 40 to 60 years old. Only 48 percent of women ages 45 to 49 say they feel good about their bodies, compared with 58 percent of men.
The gentlemen at Esquire have convinced themselves that by calling these mature women “hot,” they’re embracing women’s power. But really they are doing the opposite by joining the chorus of people demanding that women stay hot longer and longer.
In his companion piece on the predominance of sexy older women, writer Stephen Marche claims that “American men are becoming more European, less youth-obsessed, less vampiric in their sexual tastes.” But have they? Is this really an embrace of maturity? Of bodies that have had babies and look like it? Of faces that haven’t been smoothed out by Botox and stomachs that haven’t been trimmed by sugar/wheat/dairy/meat-free diets? Of women who haven’t, in Junod’s words, “armored themselves with yoga and Pilates?
These men haven’t embraced actual mature, powerful women. Nope. All we have here is yet another fantasy, a construction of the male mind that has drunk the “have-it-all” kool-aid, spiked it with whisky or some other manly libation, and decided that a woman who is 40 but looks like she is 20, maybe early 30s, can still be hot. This is not maturity, boys. Nor is it feminism. Nor is it progress. It’s just the same old song.
(Link): Ladies, if you’re 42, men might still want to have sex with you (thanks, Esquire)
- The force responsible for this transformation? “It is feminism that has made forty-two-year-old women so desirable,” explains Junod. Indeed, feminism at its very core is about empowering women to reactualize their role as sexual ornaments in magazines for men.
To keep things simple, Junod doesn’t bother adding any 42-year-old female politicians, doctors, lawyers, mathematicians, investment brokers, etc. to the list.
(Link): Tom Junod declares 42-year-old women f**kable
- BY MEGHAN MURPHY | JULY 10, 2014
Oh happy day! For today is the day that women’s fuckability has extended beyond the age of 29. Esquire writer, Tom Junod, says so.
It isn’t just that the 42-year-old woman is now tolerable enough to objectify — no longer a pitiful laughing stock — “tragic,” as Junod says — but she is interesting.
Can you handle such high praise, 40somethings? Are you overwhelmed at the notion of no longer being a Tragic Woman? Take a few yoga breaths …You are doing yoga right now, aren’t you?
“Which one of us will Tom Junod fuck first?” is naturally your first question. Your second being, “Have I done enough pilates this week to let Tom Junod fuck me?”
Tom’s generous praise — that is he willing to consider fucking a 42-year-old woman who looks like Cameron Diaz — tells us much more about feminism’s failures (or rather, patriarchy’s strength) than it does its successes, despite the fact that he claims it is, in fact, “feminism that has made forty-two-year-old women so desirable.”
You see, we have not yet managed to understand that women’s power exists outside of fuckability.
That a man might be willing to maybe consider a 42-year-old woman attractive enough to fuck is, society believes, feminism’s greatest success.
But what Tom understands to be an accomplishment is actually merely significant of the fact that women are still defined and valued based on their relationships to men.
It is Junod’s article that explains why so many still believe cat calls are a compliment and that empowerment comes from cleavage-centered selfies.
It is his article that explains why we so very much want pole-dancing to be empowering and burlesque to be the feminist revolution — because men want to fuck us.
We are dancing on a stage and people are cheering at our tits. We have, like, 30 likes on that selfie you guys (#babe).
We think that objectifying “diverse” women is progress. We think that the male gaze gives us power. But it doesn’t. Because it is a gaze that dehumanizes us. And we want to be human, guys. We want it so bad.
Tom Junod thinks feminism is responsible for his ability to get hard for a grosso oldie like Sofia Vergara. Well, you are not welcome, Tom. Because the whole point of feminism is that women should get to exist and be valued as people. Regardless of whether or not you think they are hot.
Now, I appreciate the fact that, at 34-years-old, I feel zero pressure to move into panic mode because I’m single and childfree. I will thank feminism for that. I give literally zero fucks and will continue to give zero fucks about being unmarried and babyless forever. I will continue to do exactly what I want, when I want and will be a selfish bitch 4 lyfe. THANKS FEMINISM.
But the fact that men will still be willing to consider me as a fuckable thing eight years from now is not something I will thank feminism for. Because, Tom Junod, the real success of feminism will come when your opinion on our fuckability ceases to be relevant.
(Link): 42 TRUTHS & 1 LIE: ON ESQUIRE‘S OBNOXIOUS RANKING OF WOMANKIND’S MOST “ALLURING” AGE
- I hope you will experience joy at learning from Junod that “… no generation of American women has been as frank about sex and so no generation of American women has been attuned to—or forgiving of—the absurd theater of men trying to get into their pants.” Sounds a little bit rape-y, Mr. Junod. Sounds a little bit threatening.
I’m just being frank, okay?
Recently, I spoke with a 42-year-old-woman about why she practices Pilates. I mean, I know I practice yoga in order to quiet my mind and increase my strength and flexibility.
She assured me that Pilates essentially offers her the same benefits. I guess we were doing it all wrong though.
After writing that perhaps the best thing going for 42-year-old men is 42-year-old women, Junod explains that “…women have to work for their advantage; they have armored themselves with yoga and Pilates even as they joke about the spectacle.”
Shoot. I already carry a rape whistle. Now I have to worry about armoring myself with yoga to validate my being the best thing for a 42-year-old man. I was hoping that my strength might be identified with my muscles or even my intellect. Don’t worry!
(Link): I Was Worried About My Sex Appeal Until I Read Esquire
- Apparently, I still have a few more years of “hotness,” according to Esquire writer, Tom Junod. Because, you know, I was worried. Really really worried.
There used to be something tragic about even the most beautiful forty-two-year-old woman.
Yes, because any purpose our life had (other than motherhood) was over. But have no fear, 41-year-olds, you’re still free to strut your stuff without judgment because you have one year left.
Now, obviously I’m not serious, I’m sarcastic.
There’s a part of me that cannot even believe that we are having a conversation legitimizing the sex appeal of a particular age group.
It’s absurd. But we are, because when attractive celebrities that certain men want to have sex with reach a particular age, we need a piece like this one to justify desiring sex with said age group.
And in essence, that’s really what this article is about. It’s about a man not wanting to be troubled by liking someone more mature in age than your average Playmate. This isn’t about women. This is about male insecurity.
Tom, it’s okay to like women your own age. It’s okay to like them older, too. It happens. (But truth be told, in this case, Tom is saying that he would like to screw women who are a decade or so younger than him. Tom is in his 50s.) Gee, a man being interested in a younger woman — wow — that sounds like a novel idea.
Junod offers lots of reasons why the 42-year-old female is suddenly desirous. One that I am particularly drawn to is:
No generation of American women has entered its forties as frank about sex…
Oh, Tom. Women have always been talking about sex. This is nothing new; you just haven’t been listening.
In recent history alone, the women who fought for contraception and abortion in the 1960s and early 1970s have long since passed the age 42. Were they not talking about sex?
Maybe it’s time to start paying attention.
It’s amusing to me that the majority of 42-year-old celebrities Junod talks about are comediennes with timing, wit, and sass. He says:
It is no accident that every woman mentioned here has comic as well as carnal appeal, and entices with the promise of lust with laughs.
I’m going to put it differently. The reason we love these women isn’t because they are still hot. It’s because they are smart. And sexiness, while some may think depends on Pilates and yoga and voluptuous curves, is really about what’s going on in the mind.
the woman who wrote the page linked to below is apparently a very left wing, liberal secular feminist.
I myself am very Right Wing, disagree with secular feminists most of the time (not always, but mostly), and, contrary to what she argues, Republicans do not have a “war against women”.
Having said that, I do think she made one or two very good points in this about the Esquire article:
(Link): 8 Things Middle-Aged Women Think About Far More Than Whether They’re Still F*ckable by Middle-Aged Men
- by Lisa Solod
Posted: 07/11/2014 4:58 pm
Tom Junod’s recent Esquire article on the sexual viability of 42-year-old women would be just silly if it weren’t for it being part and parcel of the “new” misogyny taking hold in both American culture and American politics.
….And yet what Junod wants us to be concerned with is whether men like him want to sleep with women over 40. He’s a 55-year-old man who deigns to consider bedding some famous 42-year-old women, but only if they are movie stars and have been doing their pilates. And he clearly feels bad not just about our necks, but about our whole fading beauty. So he’s willing to f*ck us one last time before we disappear.
But here’s the thing. We don’t give a sh*t about Tom Junod. …
… We care about our parents and how they are aging. We struggle with how to take care of them, if we can pay for their care, if they can live with us and not drive us crazy. We worry about their health and their meds. Some of us continue to try and make peace with our parents despite years of abuse or neglect.
We wonder if we will have enough time to do the things we want to do, if we should change jobs or careers, start a business, or stay home and take care of our children and our parents. We think about books we would like to read and places we would like to see.
… And those are only the worries of the middle-class. Add to those worries poverty, prejudice, and wondering where our next meal might come from. How to pay the bills, who will take care of our kids when we go to work, if we can make that old car last a few more months or year. If we can see a doctor and pay for it.
So. Women worry about the future, money, children, friends, parents, work and life.
Women don’t worry about being f*ckable. We worry about being loveable: able to be loved, able to give love, able to maneuver in a world so lacking in it. Unless we are quite mad, we do not compare ourselves to movie stars or models. We do not care if middle-aged male white writers do not wish to include us in their list of f*ckable women. Unlike men like Junod, we women know full well what is fantasy and what is real. We see it every day when we head out into the world.
Reader comments from Jezebel’s page:
comment by lethekk
The best thing about aging is that the older I get, the fewer fucks I give about the opinions of dickwads like these.
LOL! 42 is fine but at 43 you’re unfuckable again?
Jesus Christ on a cracker. At what age can women stop concerning themselves with whether or not men we don’t know and wouldn’t fuck if we did find us fuckable?
Just wondering because I thought it might be 40 yrs but now it appears I still have wear “fuck me” shoes and worry about making strange men’s dicks hard.
I mean, is there any age at which I can stop worrying about being sexy?!
comment by ElaineBenes
Honestly I used to think men didn’t like women over even 30. I now realize the only men who think this way are not worth knowing, much less dating. And the guys worth your time don’t want to date a decades-younger college girl anyway. It pretty much works itself out, I’ve found.
Actually…I disagree. I’ve worked with mostly men over the years (I’m in an industry where less than 4% are women) and I’ve found that the older men who ONLY think much younger women are attractive are generally pretty fucked up.
A woman their age would call them out on acting like a child or being an asshole so they go after the young, naive women who don’t know any better and crave their approval.
I thought men didn’t like women over 30, and then much to my surprise when I emerged from the bubble of being a stay-at-home parent of toddlers to go back to school and work, I discovered that men like women in their 30s and 40s just fine. Older men, younger men, men who are not particularly fazed by your marital and parental status …
Men in their 50s who act gobsmacked at the realization that women in their 40s are attractive – in the real world, at least – are rare and are usually messed up in my experience.
Some women like older guys, some don’t. I personally have always preferred to date men within a few years of my age, though I have dated significantly older and younger.
As for divorced guys, they’re great for fucking but they tend to be messed up. In my experience most don’t take enough time to be single after their divorce.
The” where is this going” discussion for me usually happens about four months in when I realize that the dude I’ve been seeing was under the impression I hadn’t been dating other people. I’ve personally never brought it up.
Nah your premise is slightly flawed, mate. You forget that all older women were in their 20s once, and had a chance to observe the behaviour of the men who were decades older and only wanted to date younger women when said men wanted them.
They were, almost universally, not high quality material (and no one is so stupid as to believe that a man who only values youth is going to still want them when they age, which is inevitable).
Nope. When I was 28 and “cool” and single and had plenty of options, I was on a ski trip with an extremely physically attractive man who I’d been seeing in addition to others.
I was in LOVE with this guy and then I overheard him lamenting about how awful it must be to be an aging woman. I was instantly not in love with him anymore.
I moved on not for lack of options but for lack of desire to date and sleep with a d-bag.
I’m 38 and married now but the idea of a middle aged dude who will only sleep with girls half his age makes me feel sorry for the intellectually and emotionally stunted man, not the women he refuses to sleep with. They are the lucky ones.
A 55-year-old writer is willing to fuck 42-year-old entertainers whose jobs consist, in part, of exercising and grooming and botoxing so that they can be hot. Gosh. I’m shocked.
I didn’t realize he was 55 yrs old. What a fucking a martyr, huh? Willing to give a little dick to a woman 13 yrs younger than him. Wow.
I know, right? He’s a true humanitarian, and I’m sure that Sofia Vergara (dating 37-year-old Joe Manganiello), Jennifer Garner (married to 41-year-old Ben Affleck), Amy Poehler (dating 36-year-old Nick Kroll), and Cameron Diaz (dating 35-year-old Benji Madden) all feel much better about themselves now.
pavlovsbitch reply to moneyhoney
It’s youth you’re hung up on, not looks. There are plenty of hideous twenty year olds and plenty of hot forty year olds. You’ve basically already said that you’d rather bone the former, which means you don’t care about looks. And if you’re assuming that all older women are hotter than all younger women, like I said, you probably just don’t actually know what people’s ages are.
Personal experience time…I’ve been hit on by lots of guys who are older than I am (by five years, ten years, twenty years) who, when they find out I’m not actually ten or fifteen or thirty years younger than they are, become disappointed. So, you see, it has nothing to do with looks. It’s simply a number.
If a fifty year old man hits on a thirty -five year old woman, thinking she’s twenty-five (which happens all the time), and then finds out she’s actually thirty-five and doesn’t want to fuck her anymore, that’s an AGE thing. She didn’t suddenly become less hot in the five minutes it took him to find out her age.
Oh, and as for the rest of the names, Leslie Mann is of course married to Judd Apatow, who at 46 is the oldest partner of a woman on Junod’s I’d Do Her List. I did not know that Maya Rudolph was with Paul Thomas Anderson, 44. Christina Applegate is married to Martyn LeNoble, a 45-year-old musician. Carla Gugino is in a relationship with Sebastian Gutierrez, a 39-year-old filmmaker.
So, it looks like most of these women are actually with younger men, and the few who aren’t are only with guys who are a few years older.
Well in his defense, his eye sight is probably going so its harder to tell the difference between 30 and 40 year olds.
He’d still like to only lust after 30 yos, but can’t always tell how old they are unless they’re famous and he can recognize them.
This way if he guesses wrong and accidentally goes home with a women within a decade and a half of his age he won’t have to be quite as embarrassed.
If in a sexual encounter you value youth and looks above the quality of the actual sex – or if you think it’s the looks and youth that make the sex good – then you’ve never had good sex. And you’re the kind of dude that has sex for the bragging rights alone and privately wonders what the big deal is. No need to protest, I’m fairly sure I’ve got you exactly right.
Yoana in reply to amylpieplate
Wake up, buddy. This is the actual world today. If a men’s magazine – the traditional bastions of misogyny and extrolment of youth – is featuring 42-year-olds and validating their sex appeal, the world has changed. It’s you who’s clinging to obsolete power structures for the sake of your self-esteem.
I’d agree with this. I’m 38. Most men think that I’m 27-29 (that’s their general guess). Women put me at 29-33.
My husband is 42. Lifts weights, is very lean, young face. People think he’s 30-35.
We get hit on by people (of both the same and opposite sex/gender) aged 22-55 or so. I don’t think I’ve been hit on by anyone older than that (btu who knows).
Unless you count the ranger in charge of the local park, where I climb trees. He’s about a billion years old, and he likes to yell at me abut climbing trees. We have a great flirtation going.
by caught reply to 2moneyhoney
Dude, he’s a magazine writer. It’s not like he’s got any money … or prestige … and he’s average-looking at best. 55-year-od magazine writers bang anyone who will let them. Laughing my “42YO” ass off.
Oh, thank God I’ve got a gym membership! I only keep it so that Tom Junod will do me the great honor of being willing to put his penis inside me, despite my being the advanced, nay, decrepit age of fifteen years younger than him.
Truly, the man is Ghandi.
I have no doubt that Tom Junod also maintains a rigorous personal fitness regime equal to those of he 42-year-old women he so generously brings himself to be willing to fuck. Tom Junod is surely an Adonis in his own right.
Tom Junod is Ghandi-Adonis-George Clooney on a humanitarian mission to my wizened vag. Tom Junod is a one-man Boners Without Borders.
Alas, Tom Junod, I am a married woman (to a man twenty years younger than you, Tom Junod. You mad, bro?) Our amour can never be. In another lifetime, perhaps….
But I’ll be 43 in August. What am I going to do?
by momthecoach reply to JennyJazz
Having just attained that prestigious age about 2 weeks ago myself, I invite you to join me in the club for 43s. There will be hot wings with bleu cheese, whiskey sours with cherries, and I HEAR there will be brownie batter! The best part, since we’re officially unfuckable?, there will be no need to do the makeup and hair AND we can wear the comfy jammies with NO BRA!
This scumbag, born 1958, is telling us what? Yeah, NO, Tom Junod. HARD pass. http://www.esquire.com/features/contr…
it’s cute how men think we still sweat them at 42.
at 42, you’re using them for their best parts and tossing out the bare bones when you’re done with the meat lolololol.
you stop wasting your time crying over their dumb asses and only keep them if they’re fun 🙂
Rooo sez BISH PLZ reply to AnonCutie
It’s women like you they are afraid of. You need to keep that subversivness to yourself lest they try to hunt you down and take you out.
YoanaRooo Reply To sez BISH PLZ
Yup, and two of them are all over the comments loudly trying to convince themselves we still live in an age where women would do anything for their approval.
it’s the best thing ever to be free of caring about what they think —-WOOOOOOOOO!
by Olivia Pope’s Wine Glass
I’m personally offended that he left off Mary Louise Parker, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly, Lucy Liu, Rachel Weisz and Sandra Bullock.
(I may or may not have had a list prepared ahead of time.)
by lydkatbrrr reply to Olivia Pope’s Wine Glass
Mary-Louise Parker is 50, Jennifer Aniston 45, Jennifer Connelly 44, Lucy Liu 46, Rachel Weisz 44, and Sandra Bullock 50. ALL UNFUCKABLE, OBVIOUSLY. Let’s not push our boundaries here. 42 is the LIMIT.
Julia Louis Dreyfus 53, Salma Hayek 47, Catherine Zeta Jones 44
And yet, somehow I don’t think that Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Garner, Mya Rudolph, Christina Applegate, Sofia Vagara, et. all are clamoring to find 56 year old Tom Junod all that fuckable.
[snip photo of Junod – you can view it (Link): here]
It’s amazing to me that this guy has gone for over half a century being such a clueless idiot.
Irrelevant. He’s a man, which endows him with the magical ability to determine a woman’s worth as a human by the rigidity of his dong when looking at her. We women lack this superpower, and are thus incapable of making any similar judgement about our counterparts’ fuckability.
ewwww…he’s so gross….god, why doesn’t he go have a face lift or something…bet his penis doesn’t even get that erect…or for long…it’s so sad when mouthy men fall to the ravages of time…I mean, how does he even bear getting out of bed any longer…
I can almost smell the stale tobacco from here.
Oh my God, he totally looks the way I’d expect. I love the non-threatening/sensitive expression on his face. No wonder he’s not interested in older women, I’m sure they see through his bullshit.
Disgusting. His hair is gray and he’s got crows feet. Such unattractive features on a man. He should have more respect for himself and do something about it already.
★ [WINNING COMMENT]: ★
SarahJaneMay in reply to minkamu
I think this is the biggest reason why many older men exclusively try to get with much younger women. They’re naive, they don’t know any better and they will put up with faaaaar more than older women.
Older women aren’t afraid to call bullshit and demand respect.
As I get older, I find myself less willing to put up with men’s bullshit and while that means far less potential matches, I’m happier for it.
I’m not afraid to stand up and say ‘no’ or walk out of a date if he says something stupid or offensive.
I used to be so concerned that random people wouldn’t like me…now I just don’t care and it’s very liberating.
jesus gawd, he’s practically a corpse! i’m 53 and wouldn’t sit beside him on the bus.
OMG, he looks a lot like my old boss, the one who thought that a woman who held a door for a man was deliberately emasculating him, who asked me to check his email while he was gone on a business trip and then sent himself porn knowing I would see it, and who told me, while we were alone together in the office, that “every girl who has worked for me has wanted to sleep with me”.
Also the one who paid my then-fiance-now-husband $3 more an hour, even though I was more experienced and had a more advanced degree.
There’s just like the same douche vibe about both of them.
He’s the asshole who comes to yoga just to stare at women doing downward dog.
greatgrouse in reply to rafsal
No I’m not [doing the same thing as the author]. I’m not saying that this guy is unfuckable because he’s older or ugly. There are lots of middle-aged and older men that people find attractive and sexual.
I pointed out his age to underscore the hypocrisy of his condescending attitude when he explains that the only way that 42 year old women can be attractive is if they devote their entire lives to being as sexually enticing as possible, while he himself is 13-14 years older than they are and doesn’t appear to have put much effort into maintaining his own appearance.
I doubt he would ever be able to fuck the caliber of women that he mentions in his article, and that has nothing to do with his age and everything to do with his odious personality and non-celebrity status.
by Fluorescence reply to rafsal
I suspect that is precisely why. Applying his own shallow judgements to him, and noting that he doesn’t measure up to the very standards he is putting out there about women.
burnaburnaburna reply to DoctorNick
[Dr Nick asked the women:]
“Is there any column he could have written about why 42 year old women are the hottest that would have been satisfactory “
by lunchcoma reply to DoctorNick
I cannot imagine an article focused on why women of Exact Age X, accompanied by pictures of glamorous actresses, are at the best possible age being anything other than mockable.
And, yes, articles dealing with “why attribute X makes women [objectively] attractive” are generally going to sail into dangerous waters, finding safe passage only if they concentrate on character traits without linking them to demographics.
I don’t know that this author (no, he doesn’t look like Jeremy Irons, and I don’t know a single 42-year-old who would sleep with him) could write any form of this article that would come off well.
He’s not celebrating the virtues of older women. He’s celebrating the virtues of women who, for the most part, would consider him too old to be a viable dating option. If he wants to celebrate these women, he should be celebrating their relative youth.
To do anything else comes across as lacking in self-awareness about his own aging. I’m not sure this gentleman can summon up sufficient quantities of it to meet the standard, so it would have been better for him not to have written on the subject.
An author who was himself close to 42 might alternately have written an article about the joys of dating someone close to one’s own age, which actually might have been interesting, provided he stayed away from actress lists and kept it subjective.
Oh, yes, what have we come to as a society if we no longer care about the opinion of every boner around?! I’d say we’re moving in the right direction. Men should shut up about what they find fuckable, we’ve all heard it a million times and nobody cares.
by annekatherine reply to DoctorNick
If he had written about women who were older than him, or if it was written by a man who was younger than 42, it wouldn’t come off as quite so ridiculous.
It’s like if a 300 lb man wrote an article about how 200 lb women were no longer “too fat” for him, and then expecting a cookie for being less shallow.
Or, to reverse genders: there was an article on xoJane written by a woman who dated a “shorter guy”- who was still 2 inches taller than her- and thought she was now less shallow about men’s heights.
It was just as ridiculous, and the commenters called her out on it.
The sad thing is that Tom Junod will never get some of this 42-year-old action after putting his incredibly condescending attitude on display.
by Rooo sez BISH PLZ
Not from anybody with sense.
I mean, seriously, would you bed that, whatever age you were? It’d be one long snooze.
(Or, quite possibly, a short one, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.)
He’s probably got a mirror on his ceiling.
By Mireille is German for The Bart
Oh what a relief. I turn 42 next month, now I know I have another year before I’m an unfuckable hag. And fuck Esquire.
Well, I’m only 38, so I can’t say for sure, but … I doubt he’d be any more attractive to me when I’m 42 than he is now. Blech.
by funky bunny
This is the worst news ever!!
Now my ok cupid account is going to be filled with even more perverted messages about wanting to fuck a cougar…
Or best news ever because someone closer to my age other than a 20 or 60 year old might write me.
*runs to check account*
Tom Junod Enters Midlife, Needs Company
Notable: Tom Junod is 55.
tl:dr [too long did not read – summary of Esquire piece by Junod]:
All the women that man wanted to fuck when they were 20, he still wants to fuck when they are 40 but he has to write an article explaining why it’s okay lest his bro friends think less of him.
Am I close?
I notice they’re not allowing comments on Junod’s story over at Esquire, even though it has a” jump to comments” option.
[ANOTHER WINNING COMMENT]:
by Garden Marvel
The worst part of media representation of women is how skewed age is.
For example, I am 50 years old and recently decided to stop coloring my hair, so I have a fair amount of silver hair. Plus I wear very little make up yet I hear, all the time, that I “don’t look [my] age. I thought you were in your thirties!” Etc.
Nope. I look my age. It’s just that we have all internalized the idea that women over the age of 35 are somehow wizened old crones. And when you’re 50 and don’t look a million years old people are shocked.
by pavlovsbitch reply to Garden Marvel
You know how little kids how no concept of age? A lot of men never seem to outgrow that. I’m nearly forty but dudes always think I’m in my late twenties.
And I don’t think I look that young; it’s just that I’m in good shape and wear kind of sexy clothes and have really long hair and am single, and that doesn’t fit with their image of a near forty year old woman, which probably involves a bob and mom-jeans.
Meanwhile, my mother, looked like a forty year old from about 25 to 65 because of how she dressed and carried herself, and probably also because she was a mother.
by Garden Marvel reply to pavlovsbitch
Well, I’ve been a mom for a long time, too, so I don’t think it’s that necessarily. I have always gotten the, “You’re a mom?!”
I think when you’re just an active person with stuff going on and you stay reasonably up to date on style (and I’m not one to talk – I’m a very basic kind of fashion lady) that people are surprised. Which they shouldn’t be, but yeah.
Also, can we talk about how men have no idea how much women weigh? The last time I truthfully told a man I weighed 145 pounds, I thought I’d have to scrape his mouth off the floor. I mean, doesn’t 145 pounds mean fatty fatty fat fat? #eyeroll
I’m so glad that a man from a men’s magazine has assured all of us women that men can still find us desirable even if we allow ourselves to age. I was super worried there for a second that when I turned 40 that I would just become invisible.
comment by itscocopop in reply to Lala
The thing is, at some point, people will start letting you know that they find you unfuckable and they will expect you to give a shit.
They will also suddenly start taking a patronizing attitude towards you, as if your age automatically makes anything you do or say somewhat pathetic. You might find that part annoying.
WHOAman in reply to Lala
At some point, someone is going to point out to you that you are at the end of your value as a human being because he no longer considers you attractive. And, chances are, that man is going to be a good 5-10 years older than you. You’ll get it then.
itscocopop reply to WHOAman
At some point, someone your own age is going to think you’re too old. That’s fun too.
I seem to recall Esquire doing a very similar article about my cohort when we turned 40. (1969ers like Jennifer Aniston et al.) Speaking as someone who’s going to turn 45 next Tuesday, I will kindly ask Tom Junod to go *FUCK HIMSELF*.
how could a guy think they could get away with writing an article like this? did anybody, at any point in the production of this article, voice their hesitation of this thing making it to print?
did he have any female feedback on this whatsoever before it was published?
such pandering and presumptuous shit. wow!
For my own curiosity and to keep from punching this creep through the screen (seriously, WHAT A CREEPER), I looked up Anne Bancroft and found she was 36 when she made The Graduate. 5 years younger than I am now.
Someone get me my cane and my coffin, please.
I wonder if any other men get pissed off about this type kind of bull shit. I know there are guys out there who have loved a woman over 42.
Men: doesn’t suck being painted into this corner? Isn’t it stifling being confined to such a narrow spectrum of masculinity?
Yes. My husband tells me that misogyny is a real pain in the ass for him — because it paints him as an idiot, a bruit, a lizard creature with no agency (after all, he can’t help it if he rapes a woman if she was wearing a short skirt!), and so on.
He has long felt that older women are sexy/attractive, even when we were first going out. It’s this THING. He meets women in their 60s and 70s whom he finds sexually attractive. This bodes well for me.
This is such a choice example of Man Of A Certain Age ideas about women’s progress and how! great! it! is! Spoiler alert: it’s still all about how hard their dick is.
Attractive women of the world! Attention, attention! As long as you’re still sexy, you can do and be anything you want!
We grant you continued personhood as long a you keep providing stiffies! Isn’t that magnanimous of us?
So I just got back from a somewhat chic party and read this. I am 46 and was chillin’ with my 50 year old girlfriend. She had a totally awesome cream coloured lace dress on, with her hair all Heidi-like.
Oddly, for 50, she pulled off the Heidi look fabulously. I had black skinny jeans and a transparent grey t-shirt which showed my black bra. Too much silver jewellery and combat boots.
We had the 40-60 year old men hovering over us on the left, the under 40s hovering on the right.
I might not have a date, but it is moments like that when I revel in being almost 50 and totally kick-ass. Yes, we do take the gym seriously and eat healthily, but the key is the attitude. Walk in the room and project, “Fuck you, I don’t care how old I am, I am hot.” If I met that Tom dude, I would crush him. It has nothing to do with Cameron Diaz’s perfection.
It has to do with truly truly truly not giving a fuck.
If embracing feminism is what makes older women attractive, then I, at 55 and a raging feminist, should have every swinging dick in town lined up at my door. Alas, that is not the case, and frankly, I don’t care.
I don’t care what assholes like this think because print media is dying and soon we’ll be opining about how tragic these poor douchey writers are now that they have no audience upon which to foist their vapidness and ridiculous opinions.
There is nothing more desperate than a hipster writer in a porkpie hat trying to maintain relevance with women that don’t give a flying fuck about what he thinks of them.
These women he mentions wouldn’t give him the time of day.
And btw, I have NEVER shopped at Chico’s, although I was a little sad when Coldwater Creek went bankrupt. And J Jill has been a disappointment since Talbots took them over years ago.
At 42 my husband left me for a girl who looks like a 70’s oompah loompah (however, brown hair not orange) with no sense of smell who hadn’t had sex in 10 years.
At 42 I got more sex after he left than I had in the previous 10 years.
I guess he is right?
Pile of bullshit. I am 42 and didn’t need a magazine to tell me about my sexuality. Thanks, playas but momma already knew her own worth.
But we’ll see at 43…you know if keep on sitting on it all the time…might dry off and crumble like a vampire in the sun…
Well…I mean have you seen that guy? He’s one of those sad mid-50s leftover Keef-Richards wannabes. 42-year-olds are now to him as high school girls are to guys in their 30s.
I’d guess the whole thing’s a passive-aggressive dig at his wife, who’s also in her 50s and seemingly oblivious to the fact that she’s married to a prick.
…unlike Tom Junod himself…who is mid-fifties…and makes me throw up a bit in my mouth whenever I think of him. Tom Junod = totally un-fuckable, vomit-inducing fifty.
Oh please, there so many un-fuckable people under 42. I am 42 and I have to look at them all the time.
Related posts, this blog:
(Link): Men Become ‘Invisible’ And Lose Sex Appeal At 39 – Article from Daily Caller
(Link): Stop telling single women they’re fabulous! by S. Eckel
(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality
(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)
(Link): Oh geeze. Another married Christian condescendingly patting single Christians on the head, reassuring them they are dandy as-is, and to remember they have the fictional Gift of Singleness