The Not Mom Blog: Childless by Chance Topic
From their blog:
- Remember that niches aren’t walled divisions, just different shades of a shared story. Here’s what you’ve told us so far about our many sub-communities. Don’t see yours? Let us know.
By Choice and By Chance are like the East and West Sides of our ‘city’. Except, our map includes a Venn diagram where the two sides share land for women who describe themselves as Both. They once wanted kids, very much so in many cases, but at some point they realized the effort to conceive was too taxing, or that the idea of motherhood simply didn’t fit anymore.
…The big umbrella of Infertility/Age includes women who’ve tried IVF, or experienced miscarriage, or simply waited too long before trying to conceive. A partner’s infertility counts, too. And Age can push a woman to declare herself without children By Chance and By Choice: Both.
Health-Challenged NotMoms may well be fertile, but conditions such as cardiovascular disorders or kidney and liver disease, make the attempt life-threatening.
Childless by Marriage is a term I credit to Sue Lick, who wrote a book and more about marrying an older man who was already a father and didn’t want more kids. When he died suddenly, her stepchildren vanished from her life, and her age made childbearing distinctly improbable. That was her ‘by marriage’ story, but there are many more.
NotMoms who Delivered a Baby, but something happened. The child died, or was adopted, and secondary infertility, or Life, took away any second chances.
With that image of our By Choice and By Chance sisters in mind, let’s look at the spectrum of crossover categories that can apply to any NotMom, regardless of how she arrived at a no-kids lifestyle. The argument can be made that they qualify as niches in their own right. Thanks to your feedback, several that were previously noted may have have better clarification here.
The Singles group includes those who are Never Married, Divorced and Widowed. They are unpartnered…for now, at least.
…Religious: In this category, the person NotMoms disappoint is their faith leader, the human who conveys and interprets the will of God. In many of the world’s religions, the faith leaders imply that God is equally displeased by childlessness.
((click here to read the rest))
- By Paula Coston
Maybe, like me, you are one of the women now sometimes classed as “socially infertile”: an ugly term, but then, we’re in an extreme situation. “Social infertility”, the experts tell us, means that we never found the right partner; or that we had him and lost him; or that the “right” partner won’t or can’t give us the family we crave.
Evolving from cavewoman-caveman history, this is the modern version of sexual relationship history: a story of finding, or failing to find, a suitable mate. It’s a notable pattern because for women from the 1960s onwards, there were more opportunities for higher education, better work chances, more freedom to travel, and widely available contraceptive options. A woman’s life was becoming ever more complex and therefore difficult to manage. Harder, then, to include in that life the securing of Mr. Right — or Ms. Right.
So, it’s not our fault, although that’s often hard to believe.
And related topics from their blog:
- And you know who else doesn’t seem to understand? Bloggers who have decided to declare war on the childless. Ever since that Time magazine feature was published in 2013, parent bloggers have taken to the interwebs to declare childfree people selfish and horrible and to make sure we know we will never understand what we are missing in our shallow, empty lives. If you don’t believe me, just check a couple of them out here and here.
These anti-childfree blog posts have one thing in common. They are focused on the Childfree by Choice population. They berate and belittle the decision to avoid parenthood. They are attempting in some sick and twisted way to make us feel guilty about not choosing to have children. However, their message is also reaching the ears and eyes of women who already feel guilty about not being able to have children and that is the real shame of their message.
Sending the message that it is selfish, immoral, and otherwise incomprehensible that all women are not mothers cuts to the bone of women who had no choice in their circumstances.
There are many, many more blog posts at their blog relating to singleness, infertility, being childfree by choice or situation, etc. Here again is a link to the home page:
(Link): The Not Mom Blog
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