Relationship Virgins by B. DePaulo
I have a few internet friends who made it to their early 30s and never had a boyfriend, never been on a date. A few of them found this embarrassing.
We do live in a culture that seems to assume everyone has lots of dates as teenagers, but a lot don’t.
Hollywood and TV shows certainly perpetuates this. Almost every show I ever watched had teens on it who were dating. I didn’t start dating until I got out of college, so I never related to the teenybopper crud I saw on TV.
(Link): Relationship Virgins
- Perceptions of romantic relationship virgins are not all bad.
Published on April 5, 2014 by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. in Living Single
I just learned that there is a name for people who make it to their 20s or beyond without ever having had a romantic relationship. They are called “relationship virgins.” Relationship is a big, inclusive word. It encompasses friendships, family ties, bonds with neighbors and mentors and more, in addition to romantic links. So by my definition, there are no “relationship virgins.” But okay, let’s talk about “romantic relationship virgins.”
I don’t know for sure whether the number of such people is growing, but my guess is that it is. The number of single people increases with just about every new Census Bureau report, so that’s one hint, though not a definitive one, that the number of romantic relationship virgins may be increasing, too.
…We found that in some ways, the romantic relationship virgins are evaluated harshly. For example, they are viewed as less happy, less well-adjusted, and lonelier than adults of the same age who did have romantic relationship experience. Not all of the perceptions are more negative, though. For example, adults who have never been in a romantic relationship are not seen as any more self-centered or envious than those who do have experience in romantic relationships.
You can read the rest of that ((here))
In my own experience, I see a lot of prejudice against “relationship virgins” around the internet. I have seen people, even people who admit to being 35, 40 years (or older) who say they would be very reluctant to date anyone who’s made it to 35 (or older) but who’s never married or been in a serious relationship.
I was engaged for a few years, so I guess this is at least one stigma I personally don’t have to face. But, I feel bad for people who are in this situation, but especially for the ones who did want to date and can’t seem to meet anyone.
The common refrain I see among the suspicious types is that there must be something flawed or very wrong with someone who did not or could not get into a serious r-ship with someone before they reached 35.
I’ve seen articles by women who didn’t get married until they were 38, 39, 40, or older, who said the first question a man would ask them on a date was either, “How come you’ve never married before?,” or, “How many months since you last dated,” or “How many weeks/months/years since your last serious r-ship?”
I personally would refuse to answer any of those questions, and tell the guy “none of your business,” since so many will use your response to weed you out of consideration.