- 53% of women who had slept only with husband felt satisfied in marriage
- Dropped to 42% if woman had more than 2 partners and 22% if more than 10
- Sex with many different partners ‘may be risky’ if wanting a happy marriage
- Those with more partners struggled because they are aware of alternatives
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Women who have several sexual partners before getting married have less happy marriages – but men do no harm by playing the field, a study has found.
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According to new research by the National Marriage Project, more than half of married women who had only ever slept with their future husband felt highly satisfied in their marriage.
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But that percentage dropped to 42 per cent once the woman had had pre-marital sex with at least two partners. It dropped to 22 per cent for those with ten or more partners.
But, for men, the number of partners a man they appeared to have no bearing on how satisfied they felt within a marriage.
Researchers said the study showed that sex with many different partners ‘may be risky’ if the woman is in search of a high-quality marriage.
It concluded: ‘Remember that what you do before you say ‘I do’ seems to have a notable impact on your marital future. So decide wisely.’
(Link): Could relationship history hinder your chance of a happy marriage?
- By Tara Parker Pope
August 25, 3014
“Couples who slide through their relationship transitions have poorer marital quality than those who make intentional decisions about major milestones,” Dr. Rhoades and her colleagues wrote.
- ..The researchers collected data on prior romantic experiences, whether the relationship started by “hooking up” in a casual relationship, whether the couple had a big or small wedding, and what the overall quality of the marriage was.
- Notably, they found that the decisions and experiences with others before marriage had a lasting effect on the relationship. In the study group, most people had had sex before marriage, reporting an average of five sexual partners. But 23 percent of the subjects had only one sexual partner, their eventual spouse. Those individuals reported higher marriage quality than people who had had multiple sexual partners.
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People who lived with another person before marrying also reported a lower-quality relationship. In that group, 35 percent had higher-quality marriages. Among those who had not lived with another romantic partner before marriage, 42 percent had higher-quality marriages.
The finding is counterintuitive, given that experience navigating relationships should leave one better equipped to manage conflict and sustain a marriage. But past romantic experience can also be a reminder that there are other options.
“Prior relationship experience leaves some kind of imprint on us that we carry forward,” Dr. Rhoades said. “We compare new partners to old partners.”
- ...Couples who started out in a casual sexual relationship were less likely to have a high-quality marriage. Among these couples, 36 percent had high quality marriages, compared with 42 percent of couples who said they did not “hook up” before dating.
- …Dr. Stanley said that many couples end up sliding into big decisions — rather than making them — as a way to avoid “the talk” that helps define a relationship and shared commitment.
“Relationships today are much more ambiguous,” said Dr. Stanley, who writes a blog about relationships for Psychology Today. “If you define things, you risk breaking up. Maybe you don’t really want to know how committed they are, and it feels safer not to have the talk.”
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In our culture, many couples spend a lot of time together and have sex, but they may not be sure where they stand. Dr. Stanley noted that the very first “talk” couples may need to have is to answer the question, “Is this a date?”
“People are not even clear now on what’s a date, what’s not a date, what are the rules,” Dr. Stanley said.
- …The study authors note that the data simply show associations among past experiences, decision-making and relationship quality, and caution that a number of variables may influence a marriage.
- A person who had multiple sexual partners and a small wedding is not necessarily going to have a bad marriage. The larger lesson from the study, the authors say, is that couples should make active decisions about their relationships and major life events, rather than drifting through one year after another. Showing intent in some form — from planning the first date, to living together, to the wedding and beyond — can help improve the quality of a marriage over all.
I dig how these researchers make the claim, as reported in the last couple of paragraphs on the page, that “a person who had multiple sexual partners and a small wedding is not necessarily going to have a bad marriage” when they just imply that very thing with their own research.
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Related posts:
(Link): Magical Christian Thinking: If you have pre-marital sex you won’t get a decent spouse
(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped
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