The Church Needs Men And Women To Be Friends – from The Beginning of Wisdom Blog

The Church Needs Men And Women To Be Friends

Many Christians and Non Christians alike sexualize anything and everything, and frequently assert that men and women cannot be platonic friends.

This in turn leads to Christian authors and preachers advising men, both married and single, to stay away from women, especially single ones, because fornication will always be the result (so they claim).

This phenomenon is incredibly damaging to adult singles, especially women, who may have traditional values who want companionship but who are attempting to remain celibate, because they end up alone.

Parts of this page I link to below are pretty good, but there are a few aspects I don’t know if I completely agree with.

Now that over 50% of the American population is single (link), it’s even more ridiculous now for preachers and other Christians to continue to tell men to avoid unmarried women.

By the way, I find that the ex-Christian, or progressive Christian sites, Facebook groups, forums, blogs, and Twitter accounts, who tend to mock fundamentalists and evangelicals for being too strict about sex, or too “uptight” about it, have the same problem, only in reverse.

These groups – the liberals and ex Christians – sexualize anything and everything, even when it’s out of place or not appropriate, and they see nothing wrong with it, which I find just as bad as the religious groups who sexualize everything and yell about how immoral sex is.

(Link): The Church Needs Men And Women To Be Friends


  • …. Sexual attraction is a valid red flag to raise when we consider male-female friendships, and it should never be dismissed lightly. But it does not justify declaring all such friendships impossible. All relationships involve risk of hurt, loss or sin, but we still enter into them because we believe what will be gained is greater than what we might risk.
  • …. Like labor and delivery stories, the lust and infidelity stories of men and women who crossed a friendship boundary play and replay in our consciousness.
  • But we seldom hear repeated the stories of male-female friendships that worked. I don’t think that’s because they don’t exist. In the church, even telling someone that you have a friend of the other gender can raise eyebrows.
  • We have grown positively phobic about friendship between men and women, and this is bad for the church. It implies that we can only see each other as potential sex partners rather than as people.
  • But the consequences of this phobic thinking are the most tragic part: When we fear each other we will avoid interacting with one another. Discussions that desperately need the perspectives of both men and women cease to occur. (Hint: most discussions desperately need the perspectives of both men and women, particularly in the church.)
  • Yet almost no one in the church is bold enough to say these friendships matter. We fear the age-old problem of “If I say X, will I unintentionally encourage Y?” So in the church we rarely tell divorced parents that they can still be good parents because we’re afraid we’ll encourage divorce.

(( click here to read the rest ))


Related posts:

(Link):  Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link):  Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link):  Patriarchy (and Christian gender complementarian views) tends to sexualize all male/female relationships

(Link): Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link): Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)

(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link):  Brotherly Love: Christians and Male-Female Friendships

(Link):  Apparent Inconsistency at SCCL Group – They’re Repulsed by Sexualization of Some Relationships But Not All

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

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