“Marriage is the closest you can come to being like Christ.” ~ says an obnoxious married Christian man to an unmarried woman

“Marriage is the closest you can come to being like Christ.” ~ says an obnoxious married Christian man to an unmarried woman

This month, Christian site CBE has been publishing a series of articles about adult singleness. I’ve blogged about that before, with links to several of their pages. Here’s another one.

(Link): A Celebration of Singleness

Excerpts.

  • …. When I told him [her married friend who kept trying to fix her up on dates that] my relationship status was my business [she was single] and that I was happy where I was, he said something that irks me to this day: “Marriage is the closest you can come to being like Christ.”
  • His mentality reflects a skewed perspective that makes traditional marriage roles the Christian ideal, especially for women. It defines people through the lens of romantic relationships, not through the lens of Christ and community. To say that to be married is the closest we can come to being like Christ—a single man who died alone on a cross—is near heretical.

  • ….In this passage, Jesus is refocusing people’s attention on what was important. The contemporary church needs to refocus as well. We need to re-center our attention on the larger purpose of the kingdom of God and baptizing disciples into the larger family of God. As wonderful an institution as marriage is, it has become an idol within the Christian community. The message is that you are not a significant part of this community unless you are joined to another person and furthermore, unless you have offspring
  • [this editorial references this page: (Link): Same-Sex Marriage and the Single Christian  which I have blogged about before]
  • …. We have to create a culture that celebrates, embraces and encourages individuals whether married or not. Here are a few things we can do to start.
    • Change our language, phrases, jokes, and assumptions about single people’s lives. Whatever that person chooses to pursue, whether that’s relationships or career or passions, it is their prerogative.
    • Remind singles and anyone else that their value is not defined by or found within the traditional marriage structures. Their individuality is valuable to this world, whether single or married.
  • (( click here to read the rest ))

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Related posts:

(Link): Several Articles about Adult Singleness From Sept 2014 CBE Site

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link): Blogger Guy John Morgan Who Accused Me Of Being Untrustworthy Finds My Blog Trustworthy Enough to Use as Resource

(Link):  Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (2014)

(Link):  Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link):  Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link):  Why Christians Need To Stress Spiritual Family Over the Nuclear Family – People with no flesh and blood relations including Muslims who Convert to Christianity – Also: First World, White, Rich People Problems

(Link):  The Isolating Power of Family-Centered Language

(Link) Have we made an idol of families? by A. Stirrup (copy)

(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link):  Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link): Are There Any Protestant or Baptist Singles – Friendly Churches or Denominations ? / Singles Single Adult Childfree Childless Age 30 40 50 Christian

(Link):  Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian? by Duke Taber

(Link):  The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage (and “family”) by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): Misuse of Terms Such As “Traditional Families” by Christians – Re: Kirk Cameron, Homosexual Marriage, and the 2014 Grammys

(Link):  The Changing American Family (article)

(Link):  Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate and Virgin Shaming

(Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

(Link):  “Because I was single I felt second class.”-by Chandin, former Mars Hill member & single, on Mars Hill church

(Link): Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles?

(Link): Why Singles Belong in Church Leadership by L. Ferguson

(Link): A Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical

(Link):  Misapplication of Biblical Verses About Fertility (also mentions early marriage) – a paper by J. McKeown

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

 (Link):  When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

4 thoughts on ““Marriage is the closest you can come to being like Christ.” ~ says an obnoxious married Christian man to an unmarried woman”

  1. Here’s one for you…

    I was being lectured several years ago by a friend of mine who is a typical nuptial-maniac about charity with regard to marital status. I kid you not, this is the gist of what he told me…

    “Yeah, you can drop a few coins in the Salvation Army bucket every year at Christmas, but you don’t know what charity really is until you’ve experienced changing the baby at one o’clock in the morning!”

    1. @boydoesnotmeetgirl.
      Thank you for leaving a comment.

      Ugh. Yes, I’ve been on the receiving end of such comments before.

      There are a lot of parents and/or married people who will also tell singles and childless people insensitive, untrue things such as, “You won’t know true love until you marry and/or have children,” or, “You won’t become truly un-selfish until you marry and/or have children.”
      -Totally negating our experiences and lives as single/childless people.

      I’ve written of that tendency a time or two on this blog before, such as:
      (Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers

      I may have discussed that here also:
      (Link): Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Marrieds Think Single Life = Easy / Marrieds and Parents Turn All Topics Into Them And Their Needs / Problems

  2. “Marriage is the closest you can come to being like Christ.”

    Poor apostle Paul, then. Every married person ever since the first days of the church is closer to Jesus than he was.

    1. Thank you for the comments.

      I’ve noticed that whenever adult singles mention the singleness of Paul and Jesus, they get brushed off by many Christians, as though Paul and Jesus are exceptions, but that God still expects everyone else to marry.

      There is one exception though, which I wrote about months ago in this post:
      Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

      (But sometimes, Christians use the “Paul and Jesus were single” to dismiss a single’s desire to be married, which can also be hurtful. As in, “Hey, you should be thrilled to be single, since Jesus was, so stop feeling sad about not being married.” We singles who want to be married get hit in both directions vis a vis “Paul and Jesus were single” comments.)

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