“I found that the abuse began or escalated when the men became Christians … When rigid traditional family values are combined with rigid traditional religious beliefs, there is always abuse.”
(Link): A Deadly Formula for Violence By Barrington H. Brennen (2005 – marriage and family therapist)
Some of my comments on the content of that page:
I really no longer see the point in Christians insisting that Christian single women marry or date only Christian men in light of links such as the one below, and links such as this.
Some of this man’s observations are similar to things I’ve read in books by psychologists, psychiatrists, and counselors, who are experts at dealing with abusive men – both Christian and Non Christian mental health professionals.
These experts have written that Christian men, especially ones with very traditional gender role views (aka “gender complementarianism,” or the man is the head of the relationship while the wife is expected to submit and be passive, etc), tend to be more abusive than men who do not have religious-based, narrow views of gender.
Or, abusive Christian men tend to use their views of religious-based traditional gender roles as a justification to begin abusing in the first place, to continue abusing, or to escalate abuse.
(One books says these things are also true of Muslim men, and men in other religions that have gender role views that insist the man is in charge and the women is to be subordinate.)
(Link): A Deadly Formula for Violence By Barrington H. Brennen (2005)
- Men have been leading for the past millenniums, even in their absence through female supporters of the traditional patriarchal family management. Dr. James Alsdurf, in the book Battered Into Submission, cites author Karen Lindsay who challenges the myth “that if people would only stop worrying about their own personal fulfillment and return to the loving bosom of the patriarchal family, the world would be a happy place.”
- She indicates that the perspective that we need to return to the good old days before the breakdown of the nuclear family is a myth.
- It ignores the issue of intra-family abuse which has always been a reality. When was the golden age of the happy family? She indicates that in reality there has never been a golden age. History reveals abuses against women and children from the beginning of time.
- … The current president of the Christian Council, Pastor Simeon Hall, recently stated in a public telecast that man is the original and woman is a duplication.
- …. Several years ago, while working as coordinator of a treatment program for abusive men, I keenly observed that almost thirty percent of the men I worked with indicated that they were active Christians.
- In my interview with these Christian men, it was shocking to discover that for all of them abuse began or escalated when they became Christians (when they were adults), or when their parents became Christians (when they were children).
- This brings me to the deadly formula. This deadly formula I have discovered through countless hours of counseling, interviews, and working with families in crisis is:
- When rigid traditional family values are combined with rigid traditional beliefs, there is always abuse.
If you are one of those Christian gender complementarians who think the problem is not with complementarinaism itself but that if abuse takes place that the fault resides in the man who believes in it and is misapplying complementarian teachings, read this:
Here is how that page starts:
- It’s hard out there for a complementarian. No one understands them. Whenever an argument erupts between complementarians and egalitarians in a comment section, complementarians are quick to say “What you’re describing isn’t true complementarianism!” Well, then, what IS true complementarianism?