Rise of the Feminist Tinder-Creep-Busting Web Vigilante
I don’t think most men have any idea or clue the utter avalanche of regular garbage women have to put up with on the internet. Here’s another article about it.
- Many women say they’ve received harassing or offensive messages on online-dating sites. Will airing the obscene exchanges publicly help?
One day recently, Alexandra Tweten was browsing Facebook when a woman she knew posted a screenshot of a recent exchange she’d had on OkCupid.
“I want to message you, but I’m afraid,” the man said. The woman didn’t respond for 12 hours, after which the man followed up with one word:
…“We can’t win,” Tweten told me recently. “If we don’t respond, they come back and say, ‘you’re a whore.’ If we do respond, we get yelled at and called names. I hate that men think they can talk to women like that. They should be publicly shamed.”
Other women on the Facebook thread agreed, saying they had similar experiences and wanted to see the perpetrators punished in some way, like through a public Instagram account.
Tweten said, “I’ll do it!”
That Instagram account became (Link): Bye Felipe, Tweten’s crowdsourced menagerie of mankind’s worst specimens. The name is a play on “Bye Felicia,” a meme used to signify that someone has left a party, and they won’t be missed. Since creating it Monday of last week, Tweten has received more than two dozen submissions.
Tweten is part of an growing contingent of women who are dedicated to exposing the shady, hostile, and crass entreaties they get from their digital suitors. There’s (Link): Straight White Boys Texting, which is exactly what it sounds like: (“You should come eat this dick for desert.” [sic]) Minority women seem to have it especially rough; (Link): there are a number of sites devoted to exposing the uniquely disgusting bile that seems to spew forth when certain white men attempt to woo Asian women.
Or, for more run-of-the-mill indignities, check out (Link): Dudes of Tinder, a Tumblr collecting a combination of outlandish profile photos and gross messages (“Wanna meet up for some chicken? Maybe some sex?”).
- ….Online dating is just like regular dating—if it had been sprinkled with radioactive dust and left out in the sun to get bigger, louder, and warped.
Traditional courting norms, in which men usually do the asking and women usually do the selecting, are escalated online. Rather than ask out the one cute girl laying out on the quad, however, the man can ask 50.
And why bother to ask them out in all different ways? One “hey cutie what you doin?” fits all.
- …Bombarded by all these “admirers,” many women feel overwhelmed and leave scores of messages unreturned. One blogger recently ran an OkCupid experiment for which he set up five fake male and five fake female profiles. After a week, all of the women had received at least one message, the most attractive women had received hundreds, but several of the men remained un-contacted. This kind of rejection, day after day, can foment a kind of deep resentment among the male daters.
- ….“I’m sick of hearing that women have it so much better online,” said Holly Wood (her real name), a Harvard sociology Ph.D. working on a dissertation about modern dating.
She’s also been on online-dating platforms for about three years. “My guy friends were saying, ‘You don’t have it hard. You’re an attractive girl.'”
“So I said, ‘Do you want to see the crap that I deal with online?’”
- …Wood argues that the fact that so many women are subjected to so much filth on dating sites amounts to systemized sexual harassment. Women aren’t prepared to deal with the deluge, and OkCupid’s moderators, she argues, can only do so much.
(Link): Testosterone-Deficient Gamma Male Whines About the ‘Friend Zone’ (post from The Other McCain) – AKA, Ugly, Fat, Weird, Awkward, or Poor Nice Guys Who Unrealistically Expect to Attract Rich, Pretty, Thin, Socially Normal Women
(Link): Online Dating Scammers
(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work