Moving past stereotypes about sexual desire to find wholeness in Christ By Kelli B. Trujillo

Moving past stereotypes about sexual desire to find wholeness in Christ

I did not like the title of this piece which is:

“Beyond Harlots and Virgins,” hence, I went with their subheading, “Moving past stereotypes about sexual desire to find wholeness in Christ”

I skimmed this. I did not read it closely. From what I saw, it seems okay, I didn’t see too much I’d disagree with.

I have said before on this blog, have noted, that being celibate is not the same thing as being asexual, but a lot of Christians assume the two are the same.

That is, Christians assume that anyone who is willingly a virgin past age 25 or 30, or who has sex at one point but then spends years after abstaining, lacks a sex drive or doesn’t want to have sex, but often, this is not the case at all.

Below, the author states,

  • Is the Christian single woman—who has committed to stay sexually abstinent—really devoid of desire and sexual longing?

I’d like to point out that I’ve seen this go both ways.

Some conservative Christians either assume

  • 1. single women are raging whores who bed every man in sight and will prey on a married man if given even a sliver of a chance, or –
  • 2. they assume that virgins and celibate, single women over age 30 are sexless freaks, who lack a libido and do not want sex at all.

I’ve seen both strains of thought turn up in Christian sermons, books, and blogs.

This article also addresses the fact that some Christian marriages are sexless, or close to it, which runs contrary to the evangelical propaganda that one can always count on regular, hot, satisfying steamy sex after getting married – this is used to entice people to stay virgins until marriage.

This also addressed the fact that sometimes, women have greater sexual appetites than men, and this can create issues in marriage where the wife wants sex ten times a week and the husband only wants sex once per year.

(Link): Moving past stereotypes about sexual desire to find wholeness in Christ By Kelli B. Trujillo


  • These kinds of images surround us, informing our cultural perspective on women and sex. But do these two-dimensional stereotypes stand up to real-life scrutiny? Is that racy, seductive woman dancing really the epitome of female sexuality?
  • Does that young, unmarried, and highly-hormonal couple really have the corner on sex drive while the boring, married, been-there-done-that couple’s sex life obviously pales in comparison? Is the Christian single woman—who has committed to stay sexually abstinent—really devoid of desire and sexual longing?
  • Honesty and life experience both lead us to answer with a resounding no. These flimsy stereotypes serve us poorly, doing little to help us understand and value the complexities of our God-given sexuality.
  • The sexy harlot versus the chaste virgin motif is simply a false dichotomy, for we all are sexual beings—and the drives and desires within us are much more nuanced than the stereotypes suggest.
  • And while the sex-driven single and the sexually-dull housewife may hint toward real temptations women face in different stages of life, they are little more than clichés when viewed in light of the whole and healthy sexuality God has created for both women and men.
  • While the church certainly has a spotty history of honoring it, Scripture itself makes clear that this drive toward intimacy is a good, God-given gift. While sexual temptation may lure us toward sin, sexual desire itself is not equivalent with lust. And while sexual expression is intended for marriage, our sexuality is inherently a good part of our God-made identity and worth, whether we are married or not.
  • Many of our readers responded to our article “How to Connect Sexually with Your Husband,” expressing that unlike the common scenario in which a husband is more interested in sex than his wife, in their own marriages they had higher sex drives. How can a Christian wife respond when she feels her own sexual desires aren’t being met?
  • In  (Link): “When He Has the Headache,” Dorothy Greco candidly explores both the challenges and opportunities for intimacy that come with navigating this challenge as a couple.
  • Sexual desire doesn’t suddenly arrive in life on one’s wedding day; it’s as much of a deeply-ingrained reality for single women as it is for married women. In (Link): “Single in a Sex-Saturated World” Carolyn McCulley examines what it looks like to live in obedience to God in the context of Christian singleness.
  • She highlights the concept of fidelity rather than “purity,” a term that for some carries connotations of shame. Carolyn is gutsy and honest regarding what’s hard—and also what’s rewarding—about determinedly walking in God’s way when it comes to sexual desire and expression.
  • While we seek to honor and celebrate our God-given sexuality, it’s also critical not to turn a blind eye to the ever-present reality of temptation and the powerful draw of sexual sin.


Related posts:

Link):  Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link):  When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men by A. Goldstein

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): Groundbreaking News: Women Like Sex (part 1, 2) (articles)

(Link): Do men really have higher sex drives than women? (article/study)

(Link): Boy Bands, Rock Singers, and Other High School Crushes – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented

(Link):  Married Woman Signing off as “Looking Ahead” Admits to Being in Sexless Marriage for TEN YEARS

(Link): Problems Created by Conservative Christian Teachings About Virginity, Sex, and Marriage: Christian Couple Who Were Virgins At Marriage Are Experiencing Sexual Problems – Re: UnVeiled Wife (Marriage does not guarantee great sex)

(Link): AARP post: How to Handle a Sexless Married Life – But Christians Promise You Great Hot Regular Married Sex

(Link): I’m Afraid to Have Sex with My Husband – from E. Street – Her Sexless Marriage & She Is Visually Oriented, Prefers Hot, Young Studs

(Link): Jason the Christian’s Sexless Marriage – Christians promise hot regular steamy married sex but it isn’t true

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