Yes, I can relate to this situation (see Ask Amy letter farther below), and one very closely related.
I was usually not in romantic relationships, didn’t get my first boyfriend til my late 20s, and even after I broke up with him, I still got an earful from female friends and family constantly about what a jerk their current husband is, or what a slime their ex was, I had friends gripe about boyfriends or long time live-in lovers.
Also had a friend in my college days who got married in a civil ceremony the year previous but who never shut up about the church ceremony she had planned in the fall of that year.
I had to listen to months of her babbling endlessly about her wedding plans, and I am not one of those women who enjoys hearing wedding minutia, and she would bore me for months (literally, this was weekly for four months) about how the flowers in the church were going to match her bridal veil and whatever.
The first two, three weeks of Wedding Talk did not bother me, but we are talking FOUR MONTHS STRAIGHT, and she NEVER asked me ABOUT ME.
My polite, vague hints to her that she was beating that topic to death fell on deaf ears, too.
Many women are totally self-absorbed (some men I’ve met as well) and never shut up about themselves, their job, how great – or how terrible – their marriage or dating relationship is.
I’ve usually been the quiet one in friendships and other relationships, I have been the listener.
And since most people are self absorbed twits, I’ve had to suffer in silence for hours, days or weeks, listening to these people complain non stop about what a jerk their husband (or boss or brother or whomever) is, and they never ask me about me, how I am doing.
Further, if I attempt to discuss myself, or a problem I’m having, they act bored by it, or open their mouth to make the conversation about them again the second I pause to take a breath. My ex fiance was like that, too. And he talked about himself constantly.
At this stage in my life, I am totally fed up with relationships like this.
I used to be super nice about it, but no more.
Now I am apt to tell someone that the friendship is lop-sided, they never take an interest in me, I’m tired of listening to them gripe constantly (or crow happily about their upcoming wedding plans) and I’m tired of it.
So I totally related to this letter-
Letter to Ask Amy:
DEAR AMY:
I can relate to “Frustrated” having to listen to her friend’s marital troubles, day after day.
I had the same situation with a dear friend.
I finally said to her, “Wendy, I don’t want to hear another word about it until you decide to do something (divorce).”
She stopped complaining and got a divorce.
— Finally Free
DEAR FINALLY:
Having a daily outlet for complaints can prevent people from doing what they need to do.
Related Posts:
(Link): How to Recognize and Respond to Energy Vampires at Home, Work, and More
(Link): Sick of the Chronic Complainer? Here’s How to Fix Their Behavior By Sophie Deutsch
(Link): Victim Syndrome (‘Are You A Victim of the Victim Syndrome’) – by Insead
(Link): Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison
(Link): When Your Secrets Are Used Against You (Hax Advice Column) – sounds like one of my family members
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