Ramifications of Pre Martial Sex – Sky Diver Husband; Also: Stereotypes About All Men Wanting Sex Constantly and Being Visually Stimulated Disproven Again
This is a continuation of a theme I posted about earlier:
(Link): Sometimes Fornication Can Impact Another Relationship Later – One Example
I’ve found a similar story, which I’ve linked to below.
The woman who wrote this seems to really regret or have issues with the fact that her now spouse, Chris, was once in love with, had sex with, or felt passionately about an old girlfriend whom she refers to as “Pippa“.
The wife who wrote this found an old video tape of her husband kissing his ex girlfriend many times while on a hot air balloon ride, back when he was single and still dating around.
The wife now compares herself and life stage to the ex girlfriend’s physical appearance, life, etc.
Another thing I noticed about this woman’s story: as this woman stepped up her sexual game after having watched the video of Chris with Pippa, and by stepping up her game, I mean, by acting and dressing like a slut, her husband was not that interested, not in sex, and he told her he actually found her constant Sex Kitten shtick (including dressing like a porn star and offering him sex every single day) to be a TURN OFF.
Why do I point this out?
Because it’s a stereotype among Christians (and Non Christians) that men always want sex, sex, sex and MORE SEX. Men supposedly think about sex ALL THE TIME and CAN’T GET ENOUGH SEX, no sir.
Christian preachers are constantly assuming (judging by their sermons, blogs, pod casts, etc.) that married women are asexual, cold robots and would rather bake muffins, and pursue other stereotypical, non-sexual, girly pursuits and hobbies, than have an orgasm.
Hence, Christian preachers frequently remind married women in their “five ways to a better marriage” sermons that all men are supposedly visually stimulated and all men want sex all the time, so that wives should look like hookers and “put out” at least ten times a week.
But here we have another example of a husband who does NOT want sex ’round the clock and who does not get overly heated up and ‘turned on’ over seeing his wife do things such as cram her boobs upwards in a sexy, push-up bra and leave her blouse unbuttoned.
As she writes it, her husband seems somewhat disinterested in sex, to a degree, in spite of all her sexy clothing and come-ons.
(Link): The tape that caused my marital meltdown
Excerpts:
by KATE BARRY OLIVIERO
Rationally, I knew that there was nothing wrong with this tape or its contents. Chris had plenty of girlfriends before me. He kissed them and had sex with them and shared experiences with them that I knew nothing about. I had my own tapes, just inside my head where Chris couldn’t find them.
I began to wonder if Chris looked at me now the way he once looked at Pippa. When was the last time we kissed? Like, really kissed with tongues and hands on each others necks, pulling each other closer and closer, unconcerned that our children might be watching or that one of us hadn’t brushed our teeth. Did Chris miss this flavor of passion? I hadn’t realized that I did until I held it in my hands.
…Pippa, in all her glory then, was the antithesis of me now: young, single and carefree. She spent her free time skydiving and, if I remember correctly, spent her working hours at VH-1 back when that was cool. No wonder Chris looked at Pippa in that way. When was the last time I did something that turned him on? Last week when I snaked a clog in the washing machine? Or when I bring his cellphone to work because he’s left it on the kitchen counter?Chris never saw Pippa moan through labor. Chris hadn’t watched Pippa’s body approach menopause, her earning potential plummet and career prospects dwindle after years home with his children. In this captured moment Pippa held everything for Chris that I once — but no longer — did: hope, promise, mystery, potential.
…In the wake of finding the tape, I had become a woman on a mission, determined to make my husband lust after me with the hormones of a 25-year-old. Who cared that we have three children, a mortgage and need a new furnace?
…My pursuit intensified over the next few days and my behavior became increasingly more predatory. I was a desperate cougar, trying to lure a younger, single version of my husband into our marital bed. Short shorts, plunging necklines, lipstick. Explicit sexual offerings that were immediately shut down.
… Invitations to spend exciting weekends away from our children heli-skiing in British Columbia or scuba diving with whale sharks. Chris wouldn’t bite. The more I pursued, the less receptive Chris became, physically shying away from me and at one point locking himself in the bathroom to escape. I’d straddle Chris on the couch and he would grimace. The rejection stung. Every time Chris said “no,” I saw Pippa smile at me.
I was so hurt by his continued rebuffs, and so unfamiliar with such staunch rejection, that I eventually started to proposition Chris just to piss him off, fully aware that nothing would come of my advances.
By the end of the weekend I was depressed and Chris had had enough. We ate most of our Sunday night dinner in awkward silence. “It feels like we’re pretty disconnected,” he started, marking the first time in our eight-year marriage that Chris had addressed a concern head-on without my prodding first.
I was so pleased at his self-awareness and what this meant about our relationship that I momentarily forgot the issue at hand.“I can tell you why I’m upset,” he continued, pulling me back to reality. “You’re acting all crazy and sex-crazed and it’s making me uncomfortable.”I felt my face flush and tears fill my eyes. I was mortified. And speechless.
…“Well, it sure seems like it. I mean, what’s up with the boobs? Do you think I’m having an affair or something?”
“No, I … I don’t know what got into me. I just thought I would try something different. Be super-wife,” I muttered. Not realizing that every time I propositioned him and he said “no,” I had inadvertently criticized his manhood.
“Well, it’s [constantly dressing sexy is] not working and you need to stop. I’m not turned on. You’ve absolutely killed my sex drive [Chris the husband said to his wife].”
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Related:
(Link): Sometimes Fornication Can Impact Another Relationship Later – One Example
(Link): “My boyfriend was intimidated by my sexual history. So I dumped him.” by T. Hornung
(Link): Boyfriend is insecure about girlfriend’s past (Ask Amy Letter)
(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped
(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”
(Link): Groundbreaking News: Women Like Sex (part 1, 2) (articles)
(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality
(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”
(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin
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