Husband Tells Advice Columnist Wife Hit Menopause, Has No Libido, So He’s Been Having Affair, is that OK?
I have this series of posts ongoing where I point out that
1. Christians need to stop portraying sexual purity as something for TEENS only. They need to encourage it for all age levels and all marital statuses (single, married, divorced, widowed).
2. They need to stop teaching the falsehood that marital sex is always regular, hot, great, etc
in light of stories such as this….
Letter to advice columnist, Dec 8, 2014
- DEAR AMY:
- I am a 68-year-old professional man who has been married to the same wonderful and talented woman for 35 years. Up until about 10 years ago, I would have called our marriage as close to perfect as possible.
- Then menopause changed everything. My beautiful wife lost all interest in sex. Our sex life had been very fulfilling from the start and I urged her to seek medical help. She did so halfheartedly but ultimately told me that “we were too old for sex, anyway.” My libido has never waned, but I finally gave up.
- Four years ago I met a lady through a business connection and our friendship quickly turned physical. We enjoy each other’s company in and out of bed. Neither of us is looking to leave our marriages.
- She is over a decade younger and enjoys sex every bit as much as I do. I’m sure the day will come when I’m no longer able to perform but I don’t see that happening any time soon. I know that you’re a woman and naturally will look at this through a woman’s eyes but I don’t feel guilt. Do you think I’m a terrible person for looking outside my marriage in an effort to satisfy urges ignored at home?
- — 68 and Cheating
- I wouldn’t put your villainy up there with Hannibal Lecter, but yes, you’re fairly terrible.
- I can only conclude that in addition to being a guilt-free cheater, you are also a coward — because disclosing this to a stranger is so much easier than dealing with your marriage.
- You might be surprised by this, but almost as many women write to me about sexless marriages as men do. If your wife wrote to me saying that you were impotent and so she had decided to look outside the marriage for sex, I would give her the same answer.
- Lifetime sexual fidelity may be unrealistic, but nowhere in the (traditional) marriage vows does it say all bets are off if you don’t have a satisfying sexual life.
- This falls under the “for better or worse” clause. I urge you to consider what could happen as you continue to age and deal with health (and other) challenges. I assume the person you’d expect to be by your side is the wonderful woman you married. Perhaps it’s time you acted as if you deserved it.
Christian Pundit’s take: yes, you dirt bag, you should feel guilty.
If the ‘no-sex with the spouse’ thing is problematic for you, either look into masturbation, or, tell the wife you want a divorce so you can move on and find a mate who wants to diddle around with you. Dirt bag.
People should feel ashamed and guilty for sexual sins like this, but we have
1. secular feminists with their moronic “no slut shaming” policy
- (see these links:
- Celibate Shaming from an Anti- Slut Shaming Secular Feminist Site (Hypocrisy) Feminists Do Not Support All Choices
- Hypocrisy From The ‘No Slut Shaming’ Crowd by C. Nance)
2. churches who are proclaiming Christians shouldn’t define fornication as sin because gosh golly
The advice columnist said,
- Lifetime sexual fidelity may be unrealistic
No, it’s not. Lifetime virginity / celibacy is not unrealistic, either. It’s only “unrealistic” because you consider it to be so.
My favorite food is chocolate. I could live the rest of my life without eating it. I really, really like chocolate.
Applying the same set of standards to chocolate that people normally do in regards to sex:
According to most advice columnists, Christians, Non-Christians, and secular feminists, it should be impossible or unrealistic for me to never eat another bite of chocolate ever again.
They would expect me to weaken, cave in, give into temptation and run out after two weeks and buy the biggest chocolate cake I can find and gorge myself. Because nobody has self control, they assume.
Lord. People, you are not a slave to your appetites, whether sexual, with food, relationships, or whatever else.
It may be difficult to give up chocolate, but I could choose to do so. Using will power and self control, I could go for the rest of my life never touching another candy bar or bowl of chocolate ice cream. Something being difficult does not make it impossible or unrealistic.
(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages
(Link): Perverted Christian Married Couple Wants to “Wife Swap” (For Sex) With Other Christian Couple – Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens
(Link): Long Time Married Lady Wants to Know If She Can Have Affair Because Husband Has Not Been Spending Much Time With Her – Another example of why Christians need to teach that sexual purity is for all not just young singles