I’ve written about two other posts about this topic in the past on this blog, but I cannot at the moment find those posts.
A lot of people in culture today think that people having sex prior to marriage, or having affairs, and whatever else, should not have to face any consequences for past behavior.
Some people get angry when some behaviors are considered to be wrong or sinful. They feel everyone in culture should be just fine and accepting of people fornicating (having sex outside of marriage).
I have posted to this blog before examples of people who are married now who are deeply hurt by or angry by the fact that their spouse had pre-marital sex with someone else.
And, by the way, from what I could gather of those examples I posted to the blog before (which were taken from magazines, newspapers, and such) is that the hurt and angry people did not seem particularly religious.
The hurt, angry people who were upset that their spouse had sex with someone else years previously, did not mention the Bible, Jesus, God, or sin as to reasons to why they were angry or hurt over this.
Their anger, hurt, and sense of betrayal was coming from an emotional place – they feel that their spouse should have saved him or herself for them. None of the examples I saw mentioned religion, God, sin, or anything like that.
Here we have an example of a married woman who writes Ask Amy to say she is deeply angry or hurt because before she married her husband, her husband flirted with another woman one time. This was just flirting, there was no sex involved.
This goes to show that the contemporary, liberal, secular feminist, and Bro Dude view that previous actions in relationships don’t matter – that sexual sin prior to marriage doesn’t hurt anyone – is flawed.
Some people are in fact upset to discover that their spouse had sex prior to marriage with another person. This woman is upset just because the spouse FLIRTED with someone at a party when they were just dating (not married yet).
Here is the letter.
- DEAR AMY:
- Quite some time ago, before we were married (but when our relationship was serious), my husband engaged in a flirtatious weekend with another woman in our social circle.
- He eventually admitted this to me, after it had been gossiped about far and wide. The story was that on a weekend trip with several of our friends there was heavy drinking. A flirtation (with no physical contact) developed.
- She has told many people that he made a genuine pass at her and she refused. Everyone that was there refutes this, but my husband admits he may have been so drunk that he did it and doesn’t remember.
- We have addressed the drinking and disrespect, and it has caused major turmoil in our relationship, which is otherwise wonderful and perfect.
- Since finding out, I have questioned everyone who was there and had countless conversations with my husband. I have sought counsel with people that I respect. However, I still think about it all the time, feel angry when the woman’s name is mentioned and immediately think about it when anything related comes up.
- My husband loves my children from a previous marriage and is everything I ever hoped for in a partner. I have truly forgiven him, but I can’t stop torturing myself. How do I let it go? — An (Un)happy Wife
Again, this goes to show that not everyone in our society views causal sex (or flirtation) as innocent, no big deal – your past actions in relationships with other people can be a kind of hurdle for your current partner to deal with.
You can sit there and judge this woman all day and say her reaction is extreme (and in my opinion it is rather extreme; I don’t see what the huge deal is if her man flirted with some lady at a party years prior to their marriage), but it goes to show that people don’t buy into the sexually liberated, cultural notion that previous flings or sexual activity don’t matter to anyone. These things do matter to some people.
(Link): Christian Blogger Tim Challies Teaches Heresy, that All Fornicators are Virgins and – Now Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity
(Link): The Joy of Sex is Over