Single Woman Wants To Know Why She Keeps Picking Losers (Ask Amy)
I related to this lady’s letter to Ask Amy on a few levels. One of which is, I’m an attractive person, educated, intelligent (though you can’t always tell on this blog, because I sometimes write casually or when I’m half asleep), but I can’t seem to attract quality guys (well, years ago I did have a few, but I had zero self esteem back then and did not feel deserving of a great catch).
I’ve also wondered how it is Losers get girlfriends or boyfriends so easily.
I don’t think my ex moved on very quickly after we broke up (I dumped him), but I’ve seen this play out with other people. I have seen people who are idiots, drug addicts, unattractive, whatever, get a new husband or boyfriend IMMEDIATELY after being dumped by someone, or dumping their ex.
Near as I can tell (and Amy agrees with this) is that people who get new sweeties pronto fast are usually not being picky or choosy.
My sister is like this. I’ve never known her to be single for long, but then, she picks different types of losers constantly (my sister will date any man who can fog up a mirror; if it breathes, she will date it), then she would phone our mother up to cry and ask why she couldn’t meet a decent man for a change. I never told her so, but it was because she kept picking losers.
If you want a winner, you will have to resign yourself to being single for weeks, months or years, because as the saying goes, a good man is hard to find. Dirt bags and losers, not so much, especially in this day of Internet, where male morons are a dime a dozen and will send you unsolicited “dick pics” on dating sites.
Letter to Ask Amy:
- I’m a single, childless woman in my early 30s who seems to always attract the wrong men, and I keep wondering how to break this pattern.
- I have an advanced degree, a good job and am financially secure. I keep meeting men who appear to have it all together. Before I know it, it is revealed that they do not. Oftentimes they live with relatives (the last guy lived with his mother), they are hung up on an ex-wife or girlfriend, they are often financially irresponsible, and/or have serious emotional issues. As an optimist I tend to believe it will work out in the end. It never does.
- I am almost always the one who gets dumped. My latest boyfriend of one year broke up with me (via a text message) and has already moved on to another woman. He said I was moving too fast for him, but I thought I was being exceptionally understanding of his situation.
- I keep wondering how I am single and how this man, a broke divorcee with multiple children (and one nasty temper), has found a relationship already and I can barely make a connection. Any words of advice for moving on and finding a suitable boyfriend?
- The vital component of dating a loser — the whipped cream on the relationship sundae, as it were — is to stick with him until he dumps you.I can’t alter the percentage of single guys your age who have done time, live with their moms, don’t actually have jobs or are hung up on their exes. These guys will always be out there, ready and waiting for you to pick up the check.
The biggest challenge for natural optimists is the perpetual surprise when things don’t work out.
- The trick is to run your own life so well that when your dating life isn’t great, you still have the rest of your life — your work, friends, creative interests, personal connections and passions. You still win, because you get to be with you — and you are enough.
- You should be reserved in your attachments (emotional and sexual) until you know what “baggage” a guy has (stuffed away in a locker at the bus station, no doubt).
- Ask your smartest friend to be a “wing woman.” Choose the friend who knows you the best and is most frustrated by your choices to help you identify unhealthy patterns you need to break.
- And please don’t focus on the relationships your exes bounce into immediately after you. The nearest karaoke bar is full of people who will settle for not-much. You’re not going to be that woman anymore.