Married Woman Rationalizes Her Extra-Martial Affairs – Selfishness, Thy Name is Married People

Married Woman Rationalizes Her Extra-Martial Affairs – Selfishness, Thy Name is Married People

(Link): Interview With a Married Woman Who Takes Lovers on the Side

This interview reminds me of the post I did a couple of days ago, about married people who do not want you judging them for having affairs on, or divorcing from, or spouse shopping for, a new spouse while their original spouse (who they are still married to) is wasting away from Alzheimer’s. I find that sick and immensely selfish.

Here is a married woman whose husband has some kind of medical issues which makes him relatively incapable or uninterested in having sex (or certain types of sex acts; her interview was not completely clear on this, far as I could tell and remember). So, she joined Ashley Madison, a site where married people can find other married people to boink.

This woman describes promiscuous behavior in her post but then says it’s not promiscuous. This is truly baffling.

Here is an excerpt from the page:

  • [The interviewer asks her] Do you consider yourself promiscuous? Monogamous?
  • Socially monogamous. We’re the most boring, basic couple on the surface. I don’t consider myself really promiscuous. It’s not like I’m out there screwing any man I come across because I can. I’ve slept with less men than my single girlfriends who date, have casual sex, or the occasional one night stand (for the record I don’t consider those friends promiscuous either).

Later in the interview, this woman says,

  • I see about six guys (two fairly regularly, as in once every month or so), the rest I will maybe see once or twice a year.

If this woman does not consider all this extra-marital boinking on her part -with six to more men, no less, which is a lot- or her friends numerous one-night stands NOT promiscuous, one is hard pressed to understand how this woman would understand the word “promiscuous.”

Seriously. I would be interested in hearing how she defines the word “promiscuous,” since she does not seem to even realize there is such a thing.

Here is one online definition of the word “promiscuous” via

  • characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, especially having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.


  • having or involving many sexual partners

According to these dictionary definitions, yes, this woman in the interview is promiscuous.

According to most everyday people, she is promiscuous. Certainly according to the Bible, this woman’s sexual behavior is promiscuous.

That her husband knows about her affairs does not make the affairs acceptable or ethical; adultery is adultery, whether one has one’s spouse’s permission or not.

I’ve said it before, but, Christians need to stress that sexual purity applies to married people of both genders, not only for college kids and not only for teen-aged girls, as they often do. Christians normally stress sexual purity only for teen girls and other people under the age of 25.

So, we end up with a trashy culture that believes that any and all sexual activity between two adults (even married ones) is just fine and dandy, so long as it is consensual, and /or  if the partner agrees or gives permission to it.

You will notice that the woman interviewed by this Jezebel site said she found the comments on a previous Jezebel article about married cheaters too “judgey.” Amazing. She actually takes issue with the fact that other people take issue with married people who cheat on each other.

This is one reason I cannot hop aboard the far left, liberal, feminist train – they tend to adhere to refraining from any and all judgement of behavior in the name of an extreme form of tolerance that is really nothing but hedonism unchecked – they do not want to be held accountable for their behavior.

Maybe there are some liberal feminists who find this just as appalling as I do, but in their culture, you are quickly beaten into submission if you dare step up and question another person’s sexual behavior or choices. (Double standard reminder: Unless, of course, you are celibate or a virgin, in which case about 98% of liberal feminists feel fine condemning and judging celibacy and adult virginity as being bad or foolish.)

I am not going to copy the entire interview to my post because it is very long. I read 90% of this article yesterday, it made me positively sick, so I do not want to have to re-read it closely to find quotes to paste on my blog.

If you want to read the entire thing, I would ask you to click on this link below to visit their site:

(Link): Interview With a Married Woman Who Takes Lovers on the Side

  • by Tracy Moore
  • A woman I’ll call Amy is a thirtysomething who has been happily married for six years, but for the last four and a half years, she’s been using cheating site to meet a variety of men for sex. It began as cheating, but now her husband knows about it.
  • Describe your relationship with your husband.
  • We’re an extremely solid team. He’s my best friend, the person I want to grow old with, and I love him deeply. We’ve been together for over a decade, married for over six years, and have been through the heavy stuff (parent with cancer, car accident, purchasing a home together) and fun stuff (travel, silly every day things) together. He’s the funniest person I know, and when I think of love and family, it’s him
  • What was your relationship like prior to getting married? Did the health issues show up after the fact?
  • Pretty normal/boring relationship prior to marriage. He has a chronic health condition that we became aware of about a year after we married. The full impact of the disease and medications started showing up a bit prior to that and after.
  • Since then, he is able to work but that uses up a lot of his energy, so our off time together went from backpacking/hiking to staying home watching movies.
  • Depending on his health, because it fluctuates, my role as caretaker can be very involved (helping him get to the restroom, managing meds, taking him to/from doctors appointments) or just normal cooking and sharing of household chores.
  • Why did you start cheating? Is this primarily about the sex not being good or about other needs not being met?
  • It was mostly the sex, but there’s a psychological component to it. Sometimes you just want to get fucked or have someone go down on you. As of right now, it has been over four years since my husband has been able to perform oral sex on me.
  • And it hurts and builds resentment when you turn to the person lying in bed next to you, try to initiate sex, and you get rejected. Over and over again. Then that resentment spills into other areas. So it’s the physical aspect, I like having sex, and it’s wanting to be with someone who wants and is able to have sex with you.
  • How did the initial conversation go about your cheating, and how did it lead to him giving you the green light to maintain these outside relationships?
  • We had a few conversations about friends who were in open relationships and friends who had cheated on their partners.
  • He initially found out by seeing something on my computer. He left the computer for me to see what he had seen, and let me bring it up.
  • I explained that this was something I felt I needed, it was an escape, and that it made me happy. I explained that I wasn’t in love with anyone else, and that I knew this was a Band-Aid for the sex issues he and I were having, but it was working for me for now.
  • I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said no. He asked me if I wanted a divorce and I said no, too. There were some tears, but we basically came to an understanding. He was mostly concerned about my health and safety (and I know I’ve got an amazing guy, trust me, I do). He told me I was OK to keep doing it but that he didn’t want to know about it—just that I was being safe and discreet.
  • Do you consider yourself promiscuous? Monogamous?
  • Socially monogamous. We’re the most boring, basic couple on the surface. I don’t consider myself really promiscuous. It’s not like I’m out there screwing any man I come across because I can. I’ve slept with less men than my single girlfriends who date, have casual sex, or the occasional one night stand (for the record I don’t consider those friends promiscuous either).
  • How would you say this has helped your relationship?
  • It’s de-escalated things dramatically. Before, we’d fight about sex, and the anger behind that fighting would carry over into everything else. I knew he wasn’t trying to hurt my feelings, but the situation still did. The long-term drain emotionally from getting rejected made me feel undesirable. That, plus the drain of being a caregiver, plus working full time, made me feel like shit.
  • I know this sounds selfish, but it was like I had nothing left for myself. I have a demanding job that I worked hard to get and I love, I help take care of my husband and I worry about him. It makes me sick to see him in pain.
  • And I have family obligations. I have an amazing set of friends, but I share a lot of those friends with my husband. The way I explained it to my husband is that this is a “just me” thing. It’s private and makes me happy. It keeps me from being an asshole partner. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who’s angry and mean all the time.
  • Are the other relationships all sexual, or are some companionship or talking, or all of the above?
  • It’s a mix. Friends with benefits is probably the best way to describe it. I see about six guys (two fairly regularly, as in once every month or so), the rest I will maybe see once or twice a year. Scheduling is a pain. For the guys and myself the priority list is typically, “spouse/family, work commitments, friend commitments, hobbies, sidepiece as time allows.”
  • …I only see men who are also married. Part of that is the MAD [mutually assured destruction] arrangement—you both have equal incentive to not go crazy on the other person or have expectations on the relationship that aren’t feasible.
  • What’s been so nice about seeing other married people is that you realize you’re not the only person in this situation.
  • The guys I see have spouses with depression or health issues similar to my husband’s. This is a topic you just don’t talk about with other people, so having a relative stranger who gets where you’re coming from and doesn’t judge you is really comforting.
  • The relationships are all primarily sexual. I’ve come across some guys who want a girlfriend to go to the movies with or go to events with—that’s OK for them, but I have someone to do that with. The sex is usually really, really good. I wouldn’t continue to see someone if the sex wasn’t good because the risks (getting exposed, STIs, time suck) don’t outweigh the benefits (good sex life).
  • I also only continue to see someone if I enjoy the downtime with them.
  • Good conversation, feeling relaxed, chatting about work stuff or pop culture. I don’t jump into the deeper emotional stuff, re: my husband’s condition, unless I feel like the man I’m with is a friend—and I don’t ask much about their home life because it’s none of my business. It’s up to them how much they want to share.
  • Does your husband have the same freedom to pursue outside relationships? If he decided to, how do you think you would feel about that or have you encouraged him?
  • If he wanted to see someone outside our marriage I’d be thrilled to know that he enjoys sex as much as any other person, which would mean that the sex issue was an “us” thing that could either be fixed with counseling or something—or, not be fixed, but it would have more of a definition than it does now. He has visited a professional sex worker who was able to “work with him” in ways I can’t due to physical limitations.
  • Is jealousy ever a factor for him? How so or how isn’t it?

    He is an incredibly kind person. I think jealousy is a factor—he doesn’t love the idea of his wife fucking other guys, it’s not a kink for him—but he loves me, gets that this is a stress release or way for me to escape for a bit, and he sees the bigger picture.

    Has it ever bothered you that he doesn’t mind about the other relationships? Some women might find this threatening in its own way.

    The issue feels like it’s the right size. We’ve had arguments and intense discussions, but those were done knowing divorce wasn’t an option we wanted. Once that was out of the equation, we had the space to negotiate what we were comfortable with.

  • Do you and your husband consider this an open relationship?

    Open but not out. A small handful (like four people) know, but our sex life is not really anyone’s business.

  • What happens if you fall in love? Or have you fallen in love so far?

    I’m in love with my husband. I care about a couple of these guys deeply as friends. One I actually have stopped seeing—we still email as friends— because I care about him but not in a romantic sense.

  • Like I said, I’ll usually see a guy once a month—that’s not super frequent. In the interim we’ll email—and it’s a friendship. It’s a weird, raw relationship because there’s zero reason to bullshit each other—it’s very honest. And if someone wants to end something, you just go with it.

    I had one guy, an investment banker, ask me if I’d ever get divorced. He wanted out of his marriage more than I realized, and he started dancing towards the “if we both got out then we could get together” thing. I shut that down and that was the last time I saw him because that’s not what I’m looking for.

  • …. One experience sticks out for me—a guy I was seeing had a wife who was a cancer survivor. According to him the radiation, etc., had killed their sex life completely and they were both just grateful she was still alive.
  • The second time we had sex, he started crying afterwards because he was so happy. This guy was 50, he laughed/cried because he hadn’t gotten a blow job since he was 18 because his wife didn’t do that and it was overwhelming to him. He was amazed because he had forgotten what it was like to just have fun having sex, not worrying about if you were going to hurt the person you were with.
  • The reason I’m cool with talking about this is that I’m a regular reader/commenter on Jez (out of the grays), and whenever an article on Ashley Madison comes up it feels really judgey in the comments.
  • Women I assume are scared of the idea comment saying how amazing their marriages are and how they could never imagine doing this. But I’m really just like them. The men I see are so boringly normal (OK, some have pretty cool jobs, but they’re normal).
  • They’re husbands and dads and coach Little League and go to the park with their families. Their wives are both stay-at-home moms or busy with really cool careers.
  • These men are not Don Draper—the idea that if you’re marriage is rolling along smoothly you’re immune from this happening to you is a joke. The only commonality is that the people who show up on Ashley Madison feel like they’re missing something related to sex, so they are taking steps to get it while causing the least harm to others.

She says,

  • when I think of love and family, it’s him

And yet, you are letting other men place their penises in your vagina, you are permitting other men to perform oral sex on you, and you’ve no problem with giving other married men blow jobs (she mentions all this in the interview). You have a very twisted understanding of “love.”

You can see that this woman is very selfish.

She only cares about herself and getting her sexual desires met. If she would exercise self-control, she would be able to refrain from having sex with other men and go for long stretches of time being celibate.

And this is a message Christians need to be sending people, even married ones, but the typical Baptist or evangelical or seeker-friendly sermon has a title like, “Ten steps to having a sizzling married sex life.”

Churches and preachers do not endorse or promote celibacy or sexual self control, but actually hold the view that people, men especially, are horn dogs who cannot go for more than five minutes without having sex.

I’ve said this before, and will likely repeat it in the future, but: sex with another human being is a luxury, not a necessity: why doesn’t this woman try masturbation? Or have her spouse perform that act on her, or some other act?

She is not clear in the article (from what I recall – and no I am NOT going back and re-reading it all) why her husband – if he is incapable of or uninterested in standard vaginal intercourse – perform oral sex on her? I’m not clear if that guy is totally incapable of any and all sex acts, or just penetration, or what. Parts of her account are ambiguous.

At any rate, I find it odd that when so many people go through, shall we say, dry spells – where their partner has zero interest in sex – they don’t consider masturbation (solo sex), or other sex acts with their partner.

No, they immediately jump to the idea that they MUST have sex with another person, or only one particular type of sex with another person. Hence, they go out looking for affairs, or they hire prostitutes.

Regarding this:

  • …. One experience sticks out for me—a guy I was seeing had a wife who was a cancer survivor. According to him the radiation, etc., had killed their sex life completely and they were both just grateful she was still alive.
  • The second time we had sex, he started crying afterwards because he was so happy. This guy was 50, he laughed/cried because he hadn’t gotten a blow job since he was 18 because his wife didn’t do that and it was overwhelming to him. He was amazed because he had forgotten what it was like to just have fun having sex, not worrying about if you were going to hurt the person you were with.

Let me see if I understand this correctly. A married man whose wife has cancer is cheating on his cancer-striken wife, and this woman, who knows his wife has cancer, is giving him blow jobs – they are both pieces of shit.

I can say that because I don’t buy into the Jezebel liberal feminist lunacy that it’s wrong to “slut shame” people or to make judgement calls about other people’s sexual behavior. Both that woman and the man are sluts, and that is nothing to be proud about.

Her husband is also a slut – because according to her, he is using a professional sex worker or therapist to get off. So, he doesn’t exactly come off well here, either.

There we go, another example that belies the conservative Christian propaganda that marriage automatically makes people more giving, mature, godly, or sexually ethical. Clearly that is not the case.

It also disproves the idea that married sex is “mind blowing,” as Christians often say. If married sex is so satisfactory, why are so many married people using hookers or cheating web sites to start affairs?

The comments on the page were interesting. I was pleasantly surprised that about two thirds of them condemned this behavior. There were a few pukes who defended it and even cheered it on, but most were not fine with it.

Some comments that are on the page:

by Shelwood


  • She is also in a caregiver role to him, and that kind of gives her the upper hand. If he depends on her physically on occasion, he is not in necessarily a better position to demand fidelity than women who weren’t able to work were ages ago, is he?

by digbette

  • I’m all kinds of nervous about this article. On the one hand I feel like, “ok, so that’s her reality” and on the other I feel like “oh God no, no, this is somehow too fucked up for me. Too much pain.”
  • I also know I’m projecting a bit. I mentioned elsewhere that I’ve had a recent diagnosis of illness that is stressing my relationship, for now, just a bit. But if I stumbled on my partner making dates to screw other people because I’ve been unwell, I would die inside. Maybe I’m not super sophisticated or whatever, but just the idea makes my blood run cold.
  • I KNOW that’s me, my life, my experience and I should try not to project, but I also know… if I found that, and he said he needed it, and he’d leave if I wanted, I’d ask him to stay. I’d ask him to stay and my heart would be fucking broken.

by Shelwood

  • We’re only hearing her version of the story, and even as she tells it, she cheated on him without telling, and only fessed up when he discovered it on his own, then she made him an ultimatum to either let her continue or she’d dump him.
  • It’s not clear to me that he’s as cool with it as she thinks.
  • It’s also very unclear whether the married men she is sleeping with are doing so with the knowledge of their also apparently ill spouses, but it is clear that this woman thinks that if one partner is less than 100%, that’s a license to cheat.
  • And if she didn’t want people passing judgment, she wouldn’t have told her story to a national media outlet.
  • Granted, she probably hoped everyone would think she was awesome, but there’s nothing saying we have to. This idea that no one can pass judgment on other people’s choices is a crock of shit.

by Raised by Irish Heathens

  • Nope- does not “make perfect sense”. It’s shitty that she gets to run around on her husband- completely behind his back at first remember- and then pawn off the one thing he seems to want for satisfaction onto essentially hired help. Again- my opinion doesn’t matter, but my opinion is that she is a crap spouse and human being.

You’ll notice this commentator thinks the whole thing is fine, so long as the spouse being cheated on KNOWS about it and /or agrees to it (no, pal, it still doesn’t make it okay):

by daddyyoyo1

  • I agree that the secrecy part sucks. After it’s all in the open, it’s a mutually agreed deal, so who cares?

by vervex

  • I found the article interesting too but I too agree we’re only getting one side of the story. Plus I feel like neither the wife nor the husband are very aware of themselves and their feelings.
  • The guy obviously is not fully “okay” with her decision as he doesn’t want to hear about any of the details or even know the identity of the men for that matter. That’s quite a bit of avoidance of catalyst and emotions right there.
  • And she is so focused on her couple sustaining absolutely that she will avoid developing any ties to the men she sleeps with.
  • She closes herself to the possibility that she could be freer and happier in a different relationship; she will not even accept to consider it. Again, I see much avoidance in her behavior. And if you permit me to be blunt, a lot of bullshit too.
  • Sexuality IS emotional, even when done with a stranger, even when done for a short period time. When we open ourselves up sexually, we are sharing an intimate part of ourselves with another person.
  • If sexuality was not mental and emotional as much as it is physical, we would not seek specific partners who remind us who we are and what we love. In a person who claims “it’s only sex!”, I see someone who is attempting to forcefully compartmentalize their emotions in order to dismiss them easier. And this behavior, ladies and gents, will one day catch up to them. Guaranteed.
  • Of course anyone reading this is free to disagree. I speak only from personal experience and observation of repeated patterns of human interactions around me.
  • And for all the ones who say cheating is the way, I respect your choice, but would suggest that you reflect on what you are trying to avoid and hide from yourself (and by extension your partner). Some battles are painful to face in the short term but being honest with oneself always pays off in the long run.

by goddessoftransitory

  • Well, to be fair, she does describe it multiple times as a Band-Aid, a temporary fix. But the longer this goes on, the more “new normal” it’s going to get.
  • What happens if her husband recovers and can fully participate in sex? Will he want to? Will she want to? What will it be like? What will they expect from each other?
  • It’s a fool’s paradise to assume things “can just go back to the way they were.”
  • Not that she’s saying either of them think that—but the longer they tell themselves this is just a temporary patch, the more they avoid actually realizing how much their relationship has changed.

by MalloryKnocks

  • Yes, that’s my experience also. I’ve only known a couple of couples in open relationships but it was always one person proposing it and the other agreeing for fear of losing their partner. Never works out. I imagine it’s a difficult arrangement to come to after the fact.

by twxl

  • Ah, I mistook you for Shelwood!
  • It’s more fucked up because I’d rather a partner abandon me straight up than be cornered into having to let them fuck other men for them to stay. Cheating and even continuing to cheat after he founds out just goes to show her love and commitment isn’t what she promised in the first place (in sickness and in health), in which case might as well cut it off anyways. She even in the article admits it’s just a band-aid but she’s still doing it.
  • As I said elsewhere, for all her talk of “this works now!”, Jezebel in their infinite wisdom spoke to the woman, and not the husband who is in the lower position of this fiasco and therefore holds more significance to his opinion.
  • If you want the truth you talk to the oppressed not the oppressor.
  • Maybe it’s something you’d rather live with than face being alone (I can only speculate the same for this guy cause again where is HIS testimony?), but it’s a terrible situation and I can’t help but question if this relationship is really going to last a lifetime.

by kinjaihateyou

  • Yeah, I was completely with her up to the point where we found out she insists on her partners being like her, with no caveat about the other spouses knowing.
  • And yes, I know, she made those spouses no promises but I would hope she would pause a bit knowing she’s helping a man hurt his wife.
  • And I know, those wives may never find out but to me, that doesn’t matter because everyone thinks their spouse won’t find out-even Amy didn’t so my sentiment still stands. That part is shady.

by angua

  • Yes, this exactly. If her husband is happy with their situation then that is great. But the fact that the men she is with are actively cheating on their spouses is far from decent behaviour. It’s selfish and, particularly if their partners are depressed, incredibly cruel.
  • I also rather side-eye the fact that she started by cheating and didn’t stop until caught. Would she have had these discussions if she hadn’t?
  • Or would she still be cheating on him? It would be nice to hear from someone in which both partners went in with all the relevant information.

by ladyheatherlee

  • It sort of makes it sound like illness is a totally acceptable reason to cheat. That kind of blows my mind. I have an illness right now that has left me physically unable to do a lot of what I did before. I already feel horrible guilt about how this has affected the lives of everyone in my family. The last thing I need is to discover that my husband is cheating on me because I’m sick. No, he wouldn’t get any sympathy. I’d be out of here.

by HelloMyLover

  • When I was online dating, a lot of men who tried to get with me conveniently had open marriages – I am ok with that, but definitely not willing to be a participant in actual cheating, so I required the wife to tell me personally she was ok with it. I suspect some of them had a don’t ask, don’t tell arrangement, but not one of them ever was willing to go that far and usually called me a tease or a bitch or something for asking.


  • My wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for 4. My wife has a form of muscular dystrophy that, while not preventing us from having sex, reliant on me for essentially everything, from providing food to rolling over at night. She came across the article and was just abhorrent because it hit so close to home with her. I talked to her about it to figure out what about it specifically bothered her, and this is what it is: there’s a whole level of this that isn’t addressed in the least.
  • When you’re disabled to the point that you need their support to perform basic essential functions, like using the restroom, getting food, or even sleeping, your choice isn’t “Do you want to get divorced?” It’s, “Is this worth not only completely upending your entire life but giving up your independence and likely livelihood?” It sounds dramatic, but hear the concept out.
  • She specifically states that while her partner is able to keep his job, it’s massively draining on him to the point it has already stripped away much of what he used to love to do. If she leaves the picture, he either has to take over the responsibilities she performs at home, further draining his energy beyond what it already is, or get outside help to perform those tasks, which is both financially draining and socially degrading.
  • Essentially, his choices were to accept that his wife would be sleeping with other men, which his continued disinterest in having information about confirms he’s uncomfortable with, or watch his life fall apart. From my wife’s perspective, and I’m inclined to agree with her, he had no choice, he was coerced into the situation and is simply making the best of it as best he can.
  • Now, my wife and I could be misinterpreting the level of his disability, but I’m highly doubtful. So, while I have no interest in condemning adults who make a consensual choice made on even footing, I have to say I’ve got a great deal of disdain for this woman’s choices, based on the information I have. As the partner to someone equally, if not more, disabled, the thought of sleeping with other partners feels like gross negligence to someone who’s life is dependent on my own.

by tulipsy

  • I don’t know why this doesn’t have more stars. Of course the husband has to either accept it or deal with the the fall-out; seems like he’s only just holding it together now so obviously a split would leave him even more vulnerable. I’m sure he loves his wife and wants her to be happy but he’s probably also being pragmatic and blocking out the emotional pain by choosing to remain ignorant of the details.

by ThatOneGy

  • I’m with you. Basically, what choice does her husband have?? I would assume it is a shot to his ego that he was once an active, vibrant man able to please his wife and she him. Now he can no longer please her sexually and must rely on her for his own well being. So that has to just be mentally and emotionally devastating.
  • Then his wife proposes that she have affairs so that she is sexually satisfied, or should they divorce? Divorce the woman he loves,, who also is his caregiver.
  • Or go it alone. He has no leverage. It’s sad to think that way, and maybe I suck for thinking like that, but it was all I kept thinking.
  • Also, what happens if his condition improves. Do they continue the open relationship? Do they go back to monogamy? Is she the only one allowed this freedom? How does she feel about him setting up a profile and finding flings for himself??
  • So many questions. Such a bad postition to be in. If they are both happy with the decision then I guess it’s none of my biz.
  • Also, a declining sex drive due to menopause is kind of a bs reason to cheat on your wife. Just my opinion.

by DennisReynoldsGoldenRod

  • She seems to have hit it right on the head. Had they discussed this while he was able to take care of himself, it would be different, but she did it, got caught, then decided to tell him that she needed this to be together. Since it seems like he is mostly dependent on her to live a relatively normal life, the power dynamic is super fucked up.

by ladyheatherlee

  • Yeah, basically every woman can legitimately be cheated on once she hits menopause? Umm…??? Also, how on earth do we know that any of these dudes are even telling the truth in any way? She meets them online and sees them once a month or less. They could be telling her anything.
  • The more I think about it, the worse it gets. This is NOT the same as two equal people deciding to pursue sexcapades outside their relationship.

by rgscherib

  • It never ceases to AMAZE me, that men of wealth and upper socioeconomic status, NEVER stop trying to get sex for FREE! It’s like a law of physics, that they think they are all entitled to get something real for NOTHING in return.

by SarahemCee

  • “In sickness and in health … except in sickness I will be stepping out on you.”

by Soy

  • I’ve been propositioned by a bunch of guys in open marriages and am always suspicious. Almost all of them have photos of them with their spouse, and explicitly state in their profile that their wife knows and is completely fine with the situation and that she would be happy to verify that for anyone who cares. It seems convincing, but I’m wondering how many of them would disappear if I were to pursue something and ask for confirmation from the wife.

by albatross

  • How many would disappear? A lot.
  • My dad always used that line when he was cheating on my mom. “My wife and I are in an open marriage, and she’s cool with it”, except he never told her. And then he fucked up and fathered a kid with one of his so-young-they-are-my-age mistresses.

by Hello My Lover

  • In my experience, all of them, haha. It’s amazing how they want to get laid, and can’t even be expected to give an INCH or do anything. Most of them actually took a stance of, “it’s none of your business, how dare you try to interfere with my marriage” or something.

by digbette

  • I’m nervous about commenting on anything here, but she “lost me” (as in my judgement kicked in, for better or worse, I guess) with the MAD thing. Anything emotional that is only safe because the word ‘destruction’ is involved is not actually safe, for me.
  • I’m really anti-infidelity, tho. Poly, open, whatever, I’m ok. But there was a lot of infidelity in my home as a kid, and it was the cause of the end of a very long term relationship for me. I just think there is so much pain involved… I can’t get my head around a woman feeling ok about screwing another woman’s husband.
  • I feel the pressure here for me to get my head around it, but I don’t want to… it is just morally bankrupt for me. That’s my feeling.

by digbette

  • I’m in the same boat. Recently diagnosed with a chronic illness and all of this is making me very sad and worried. Worried for my relationship, worried for me, worried for my partner. I know it’s not about me but it’s hitting a big fat nerve.

by ladyheatherlee

  • I read your other comment. I grew up with infidelity in the home as well. And it sure didn’t have a happy outcome. And there is no excuse in the book that I can come up with that would justify the way my mother was treated. I just. don’t. get. it.

Effy Stonem is apparently one of those people who has never heard of masturbation and feels that sex is a necessity (it is not, you can live without it):

by EffyStonem

  • Does a spouse’s severe illness/disability mean you have to sign on to 5, 10, 20, 30 years without sex? Especially when that wasn’t the case prior to marriage?


Related Posts:

(Link):   Selfishness: Thy Name Is Married People / Married People Think Their Spouse Having Alzheimer’s Gives Them A Pass to Spouse Shop or to Divorce or Have Affairs / Christians Over-Sell Marriage but Under-Sell Adult Singleness

(Link):  You May Be Surprised How Many Born-Again Christians Use Ashley Madison (web site for married cheaters); story from Huffington Post

(Link):  Married Virgin Asexual Woman Allows Her Husband To Have Sex with Other Women – Why Christians Need to Emphasize Sexual Self Control For Everyone, Not Just Teen Girls

(Link): Ashley Madison, Site For Married Cheaters, Admits to Spying on Users and May Require a Deactivation Fee

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link):  Elderly Widower Dude is a Slut Says Adult Daughter – Why Churches Need to Teach Celibacy Applies to Even Married People Not Just Under Age 25 Singles

(Link):  Perverted Christian Married Couple Wants to “Wife Swap” (For Sex) With Other Christian Couple – Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens

%d bloggers like this: