Married Virgin Asexual Woman Allows Her Husband To Have Sex with Other Women – Why Christians Need to Emphasize Sexual Self Control For Everyone, Not Just Teen Girls

The married virgin ‘repulsed’ by sex who encourages her ‘perfect’ husband to sleep with escorts while helping him to find a live-in lover

Asexuals are not the same thing as celibates. Asexuals either experience little sexual desire, or none. Celibates experience sexual urges but chose not to act upon them, or cannot, if they are single and believe sex prior to marriage is wrong.

I find it sad I need to explain this up front, but many Christians are very ignorant about celibacy and often confuse it with asexuality: they assume that celibates and virgins over 30 have no sexual desire or urges, or, many Christians assume that celibates find staying celibate easy breezy, that God has “gifted” older virgins so that the older virgin experiences no interest in or desire for sex – which is a wrong view. Totally wrong.

This also goes to show that married sex is not, as Christians teach, “mind blowing.” Christians try to offer incentives to people to stay virgins until marriage, one of which is, “Once you marry, the sex will be frequent and awesome.”

In this article, you have a virgin woman who is also asexual. She wants male companionship minus sexual activity, so she is allowing her husband to have sex with other women.

This is yet another reason why Christians need to emphasize that sexual self control and celibacy is for everyone, even married people, not just for teen-aged girls – but Christians, when they do bother to address the issues of virginity and sexual self control – often only frame it in terms of teen-aged girls. They do not usually remind married couples that they too need to practice sexual self-restraint.

I would also like to remind Christians that married couples do in fact engage in sexual sin. Often times, Christians think that marriage is a cure-all for sexual sin, that if only people marry and marry by the time they are 25 years old, that the couple will not fall into sexual sin.

Christians seem to assume that any and all un-married adults over the age of 25 or 30 are having hot panther sex with a different person every week, which is not so. Yes, our culture is sex saturated, and there is a lot of pre-marital boinking going on, but at the same time, there are people who are sexually abstaining.

The people who are over 25 and 30 and older -who are celibate or who are virgins- could use examples of themselves on television, in sermons, and in books, so they can see they are not alone, so they can have figures in the culture that represent their lifestyle who they can relate to.

Adult celibates and virgins could maybe use some encouragement at remaining chaste, but Christians give them none. All of the Christian community’s energy is directed at supporting “the nuclear family,” and defending “traditional marriage” from homosexual marriage advocates. There is next to no effort at giving practical or emotional support to adult celibates and adult virgins.

(Link) The married virgin ‘repulsed’ by sex who encourages her ‘perfect’ husband to sleep with escorts while helping him to find a live-in lover

As to the news story above. I do not agree with adultery (or “open marriages”) even if both partners agree to it or know about it in advance. I have posted several stories on this blog of married couples who “allow” their partner to cheat on them, or who are “swingers.” This whole thing is awful and makes a mockery out of marriage.

Excerpts from the article.

Asexual Woman Repulsed By Sex Allows Her Spouse to Sleep with Escorts

  • By GEORGINA BISVAL FOR DAILYMAIL.COM
  • Erica Holloway, 30, has known that she was asexual since the age of 15
  • She and husband Andrew, 30, have been married since 2012 but have never had sex
  • IT consultant Andrew has slept with ten other women, including a number of professional escorts, since he married Erica  
  • In the one and a half years they have been married Andrew and Erica Holloway have never argued, have no secrets and are more in love today than the moment they met.
  • Yet incredibly this Melbourne-based couple, both aged 30, have never consummated their marriage – and Erica admits that she has no intention of ever doing so.
  • For while Andrew would love to rip his wife’s clothes off, Erica is in fact still a virgin and reveals to the Daily Mail Online that the very idea of making love to her husband is a complete turn off rather than a turn on.
  • ‘I wish I wanted to have sex with my husband,’ Erica, a graphic designer, explains.

    ‘But I don’t and I know I never will as, while I love him, the idea of sex repulses me.

    ‘We are still very affectionate with each other and love to hold hands and kiss and cuddle, but that’s as far as I could ever go.

    ‘People might think our marriage would be a disaster because of this, but we are as happy now as the day we met.’

    She added that she has known since the age of 15 that she was asexual, after realizing she had never felt sexually attracted to anyone.

  • And despite trying to force herself to feel some kind of sexual desire towards a few men in her late teens, she admits that she failed to ever feel the kind of connection that so many of her peers seemed to experience

    At this point, Erica had almost given up on ever finding love, as, perhaps unsurprisingly, most men she met ran a mile when she told them about her total aversion to sex.

    ‘It was such a frustrating period of my life as I knew I was different, I just didn’t know why,’ she recalls.

    ‘All my friends were experimenting with boyfriends, yet when I even kissed a boy, it just left me cold.

    ‘I still wanted the companionship you get from a partner, I just didn’t want the sex side and I worried I would never ever find anyone who would be prepared to love and accept me the way I am.’

    But in 2002, Erica’s world changed when she met Andrew, while the pair were both living in Melbourne. She admits that she felt as though she had finally met a man who did love her just the way she was.

    And after first living as housemates, the pair became an official couple in 2009 after Andrew moved to Canada and the duo realized that they couldn’t bear to be apart from one another.

    They were married on October 27th 2012.

  • …’We are the perfect couple, we just don’t have sex.’

    Yet Andrew admits it was not easy to come to terms with sharing his life with a woman who had no desire to share his bed and he even had second thoughts about asking her to be his wife.

  • ….’But over time while our love has grown, Erica’s aversion to sex has not once waivered and it has not been easy for me to deal with.

  • …’She is the one woman I dream of having sex with, yet I know I never will and that has been sad.

    ‘And there was a period when I did question whether if I asked her to marry me it could ever work.

    ‘But every time I thought about ending it, I knew I could not live without her in my life.

    ‘If I didn’t love her as much as I do it would never have lasted, but we are still hopelessly in love in spite of our lack of intimacy.

    ‘On our wedding night I longed to make love to her, but I couldn’t and that did cause us both pain.

    ‘But over time we have made this situation work as I would rather share my life with Erica with no sex than not at all.’

    The couple reveal that, in order to make their relationship work, they now have an open marriage, whereby Erica not only turns a blind eye to Andrew having sex with other women, she has also been the driving force behind his flings.

    And to date he has slept with ten other women.

  • ‘Just because I don’t want sex, I understand Andrew does, so we sought help from a sex counselor who came up with the suggestion he takes lovers and it seemed the perfect solution for us,’ Erica says.
  • ‘Jealousy is never a factor as I’m just relieved Andrew is having sex; I feel guilty it can’t be with me.

    ‘It’s not that often, but when he feels the desire, he either calls an escort or maybe a woman who he has met on the Internet and goes to see them.

    ‘I just wave him off and tell him to have a good time and I absolutely mean it.

    ‘We never discuss what he has got up to, but I know by the huge smile on his face when he comes through the door he has had a good time and that makes me happy.’

    It is an unconventional marital set up that Andrew admits has been harder for him to get used to than Erica.

  • ‘When I got married I never once thought I would be cheating on my wife and I still struggle with it as it just seems like a betrayal of our vows,’ he explains.

    ‘But over time it is getting easier and it does take the pressure off Erica.

    ‘Of course I would rather be having sex with her, but if I can’t then this seems like the best solution as it is the only thing missing in my life and marriage.’

  • ..Indeed, so comfortable is Erica with Andrew having sex with other women, the she admits she is even trying to find her husband a permanent live-in lover.

    She explained: ‘I think that would be the dream situation, as that way Andrew doesn’t even need to leave our home to have sex.

Use the link at the top to read the rest.

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Related posts:

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link):  Married Woman Rationalizes Her Extra-Martial Affairs – Selfishness, Thy Name is Married People

(Link):  Newlyweds Forced to Be Celibate After Bride Diagnosed With Cervical Cancer Just Days After Honeymoon

(Link):   Selfishness: Thy Name Is Married People / Married People Think Their Spouse Having Alzheimer’s Gives Them A Pass to Spouse Shop or to Divorce or Have Affairs / Christians Over-Sell Marriage but Under-Sell Adult Singleness

(Link):  You May Be Surprised How Many Born-Again Christians Use Ashley Madison (web site for married cheaters); story from Huffington Post

(Link): Ashley Madison, Site For Married Cheaters, Admits to Spying on Users and May Require a Deactivation Fee

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link):  Elderly Widower Dude is a Slut Says Adult Daughter – Why Churches Need to Teach Celibacy Applies to Even Married People Not Just Under Age 25 Singles

(Link):  Perverted Christian Married Couple Wants to “Wife Swap” (For Sex) With Other Christian Couple – Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens

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