Creepy Editorial from Christian Gender Complementarian CBMW Site Asks “How Many Children Should You Have”
Before I get to the editorial from CBMW, I have a preface.
If you are a man, especially one who considers himself a Christian, you need to understand that the sexist drivel that comes from complementarian Christians -such as CBMW (Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood)- impacts you too, and not always in your favor, because some complementarians equate “true manhood” to being “man who is married with children.”
Christian gender complementarians will tell you that you, a man, are a disgrace to God and to humanity and you are not carrying out your cultural duties, unless you marry and have children.
Not even that, but if you are not living out married life the WAY in which these people teach, they will deem you a “man fail.” (Yes, that really happened, a prominent gender complementarian referred to certain types of married men as being “man fails.” Several blogs and news sites discussed it, like this one.)
Yes, you read correctly. Married men who stay at home to raise the baby while mom holds the 9 to 5 job are deemed “man fails” by some Christian gender complementarians.
You cannot just be married with a child in gender comp land, but you have to also fulfill certain other criteria to be counted, to be deemed acceptable.
Not only do groups such as CBMW promote sexist ideas about women, but they harm men in the process.
I was looking through Twitter today, and came across this, hosted on Christian gender complementarian site CBMW:
(Link): Go Forth and Multiply: How Many Children Should I Have? (CBMW)
Why is the woman who wrote this assuming that she should have children at all?
I want to know why is “having Zero children” not an option in her worldview, or that of CBMW and other complementarians?
Here are some excerpts from the page:
(Link): Go Forth and Multiply: How Many Children Should I Have? (CBMW)
By Amanda Peacock
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
In the beginning God said, “Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth…” (Gen. 1: 28). The blessing of children was given in the context of Eden where God walked with Adam and Eve in uncorrupted communion.
… These words have recently given me pause for thought as my husband and I consider adopting. You see, the research and red tape that has delayed the process, and the departure of our two children to university, seems only to have increased my desire to adopt.I look around our church; I love what I see—large families, children being raised in the fear and instruction of the Lord.
…So just how many children should a woman have?
Here are a few things to consider:
Know Your Motivation
…What’s your motivation for having children? Is it gospel-centered? Or, is it personal preference? Do you feel pressure to have more children? By what standard are you measuring yourself? Is it the ever-expanding evangelical family sub-culture, where even reproduction has become a competition of sorts? Or is it in God’s provision of children as a blessing?
….Therefore a woman is not diminished by her lack of children because procreation is no longer the means of producing worshippers of God. It comes through regeneration, producing spiritual children for the family of God.
Whether you are married or single, God gives all women ability to mother spiritual children. This identity is crucial to understand because this will keep us from the temptation towards greed and comparison, the fruit of a covetous heart. Knowing our identity as wives and mothers helps in understanding our limitations.
We are all identified as mothers, capable and equipped to produce spiritual children by proclaiming Christ’s finished work to those in darkness and discipling them in the faith.
Know Your Limitations
So, how many children is enough? Originally my husband and I thought we’d have four children, and then we had the first two.
…Know Your Primary Function
Also, know your primary function as a wife. Being a helper to your husband should dictate what other roles you assume and to what extent you assume them. This is my consideration as we pray about adoption, because the number of children a woman has will impact her relationship with God and her husband. Wives can forget that their primary ministry is their husband, especially when children arrive. The most important thing children will learn is gospel love through their father’s sacrificial headship and their mother’s glad submission.
…Know God’s Sovereignty
Finally children are not our right. They belong to God and are a gift from him. And they are not ultimate, Christ is. Being conformed to his image is God’s purpose for all women. Resting in his sovereign love will drive out anxiety, increase gratitude, and protect against covetousness.
—- end excerpts —
This author pays some lip service to single women and infertile women. But, she still assumes it is God’s purpose for women to marry and have babies.
I have noted on this blog that many complementarians (comps) promote “bedroom evangelism,” that is, they feel that the Gospel will or should be spread by Christians marrying and having children, but the Bible teaches no such thing: it says to make disciples of all men.
“Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth…” (Gen. 1: 28) has been rescinded under the New Covenant. The Words of Jesus, who elevated celibates and the childless:
For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others–and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” Matthew 19:12
See also:
The author writes,
“What’s your motivation for having children? Is it gospel-centered?”
— end excerpt —
What in the hell is “gospel centered” motivation in regards to having children, or in anything?
She already pays lip service in the editorial that the Gospel is spread via one’s mouth (talking about Jesus to atheists, for instance), and not by having biological (or even adopted) children, so she cannot be referring to that.
I suppose she feels it is selfish for people to want to have a kid for the sake of having a kid, the way I want to get a pet dog one day, just because I like dogs and think it would be have fun to have a dog.
In a manner of speaking, I suppose it is selfish for a person to want a kid for the sake of having a kid, and not for a bigger, poetic reason.
However, I really tire of Christians who shame other Christians for wanting anything for themselves, or for going after what they think may make them personally happy.
Folks, it’s not necessarily selfish or wrong for you to occasionally put yourself and you own needs and wants first.
If you want a baby, go have a baby, or adopt one. If you’re like me, and you want a pet dog, go adopt one.
If you think taking ballet lessons would make you happy, then go take ballet lessons.
Even if taking ballet lessons does nada zippo to “lead people to Christ,” just do it because it brings you pleasure. You should not have to filter ever damn life decision or hobby based on “Gospel reasons” or “Jesus-y” reasons, spare me.
Years ago, I wanted to go on a vacaction with my ex fiancee in the southwest… my reason? It would make me happy.
And it did.
And I don’t regret it, or feel shame for it.
I am not going to let Bible thumping Christians dictate to me how I should live my life, or let them brain wash me that I should live an austere, negative, life without, all because me going after something that makes me happy is, in their view, “selfish.”
The author wrote this:
I look around our church; I love what I see—large families, children being raised in the fear and instruction of the Lord. This too, serves to intensify my desire, and I wonder if as a mother with only two children, I have missed the mark to multiply—I mean really multiply!
— end excerpt —
Really, lady? You need to look around the church and notice the men and women who SIT ALONE. The women over the age of 30 who are still single, who are not mothers. They don’t have children sitting with them, nor a spouse.
Or, conversely, if all you see are pairs coupled up with children in the pews, your church is failing, because as of 2014, over 50% of the American adult population consists of singles, most of whom, IIRC, are childless.
If you look around your church and do not see childless, child free, or single adults, your church is dropping the ball in reaching out to the many singles and childless people in your town.
The author writes,
But God’s promise to Abraham, to make him the father of many nations, is fulfilled in Christ, expanding the blessing beyond mere physical procreation (John 1:13)
Therefore a woman is not diminished by her lack of children because procreation is no longer the means of producing worshippers of God. It comes through regeneration, producing spiritual children for the family of God. Whether you are married or single, God gives all women ability to mother spiritual children.
— end excerpts —
Exactly (to most of it) – but most of Christianity, especially among the conservatives and the very site she is posting this to, the complementarian CBWW – do not promote adult celibacy and adult singleness, but rather usually either ignore those groups, or shame them if and when they do speak up about those groups.
The author writes,
God gives all women ability to mother spiritual children.
— end excerpts —
Yes and no. Some childless and childfree women are glad to be around children and mother them, but there are women like me who lack a maternal gene and want no part in that sort of thing.
I am not the least bit interested in playing mother to another person’s child, or in babysitting for other people’s kids, or working in the church nursery.
Nor do I want to be an older mother figure or mentor to 20-something women. I have no interest in that.
But churches, especially complementarian ones, leave women such as me out in the cold. They assume all women, even the single and childless ones, must never the less fulfill a maternal role with someone else’s children. I have no interest in playing a maternal role.
The author writes,
Wives can forget that their primary ministry is their husband, especially when children arrive.
— end excerpts —
No, that is not a wife’s primary ministry.
This author’s view makes married women nothing more than fashion accessories to a man, like a pair of cuff links or a wrist watch.
Or, to put this another way, this view reduces a woman to a “sidekick.” The husband gets the “starring” role or “Bat Man” role, when the woman has to settle for the lesser “Robin” role (she plays Robin to the husband’s “Bat Man”).
Some comps would want to write a ten page long essay romanticizing Robin’s role, to make it sound more appealing and vital to Bat Man (and to women reading it), but at the end of the day, Bat Man is the star, has the power, the cool grappling hooks, and Robin doesn’t get to drive the Batmobile.
Attitudes like this, reflected in this woman’s editorial for CBMW site, is where some Christian men get their entitlement from. I wrote a Part 1 on this topic months ago (see part 1). I intend at some point in life in writing a Part 2, if I have the time and motivation.
Christian men see the dreck women are taught, that the women are told to put the husband first, that God expects her to cater to her man, and support him and not expect support in return, so Christian men are conditioned not to treat women equally.
The author writes,
Finally children are not our right. They belong to God and are a gift from him. And they are not ultimate, Christ is. Being conformed to his image is God’s purpose for all women. Resting in his sovereign love will drive out anxiety, increase gratitude, and protect against covetousness.
— end excerpts —
Huh. Why not put this sentiment forth in an editorial specifically aimed at single, celibate adults, and ones who are child-free to boot? Why is this idea being buried in an article about adoption and women wanting babies?
There is still an expectation by Christians and complementarians that all women want to have babies, or should want to have them, or will have babies.
Christian complementarians never realize there are some women, even conservative ones like me, and I was raised in a traditional Christian home, who never really wanted children.
I never felt like my purpose in life was to have kids. I don’t like kids. I don’t condone child abuse, but I find kids annoying and never much cared if I had any or not.
And for this, I was either marginalized by most conservative Christian culture and complementarians, or I was shamed for it, when I was not being ignored because of it. I was told by these types of Christians that I was a freak, a failure, or un-womanly, or ungodly, for not being married and for not wanting children.
A never married, childless woman such as myself should not have to stumble through a long editorial about adoption on a complementarian site, or any Christian site, to see this sort of remarks:
Finally children are not our right. They belong to God and are a gift from him. And they are not ultimate, Christ is. Being conformed to his image is God’s purpose for all women. Resting in his sovereign love will drive out anxiety, increase gratitude… [nix that part about ” protect against covetousness.” because some women never wanted kids, hence, they cannot covet what they never wanted]
— end excerpts —
Where the author comments,
Finally children are not our right.
— end excerpts —
She should have also added the qualifier, “and not being interested in having children is fine, too. Not all women want to get pregnant or adopt or be maternal towards children, and that is equally valid.”
Per my previous post, not only are some Christians judging you on IF you marry and have children, but WHEN you do either task, HOW you go about it and now, this woman is judging people’s MOTIVATION.
Lord have mercy, it never ends with some of these people. They keep putting burdens on people’s shoulders, but Jesus declared that his yoke was light.
Related Posts:
(Link): A Woman’s Fertility is Her Own Business, not Everyone Else’s by L. Bates
(Link): Meet the New Anti-Adoption Movement
(Link): Women Are Having Fewer Babies Because They Have More Choices by Jill Filipovic
(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t
(Link): Focusing on the Family Causes Church Decline
(Link): The Rise of the Lone She-Wolf by Charlotte Alter
(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison
(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)
(Link): Male Entitlement In Dating and In Marriage – Single Christian Men Who Feel Entitled – Part 1
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