Marriage Made Into An Idol by Christians, Christians Who Believe Christian Men Are All Potential Rapists – Examples of these and other Topics
If I find more examples in the future, I will edit this post to add them.
The last few days, my Twitter feed has exploded with many links, photos, and comments about the Josh Duggar scandal and how TVC (the Village Church) is mis-handling the annulment of a woman from one of their pedophile members. I’ve blogged about both stories previously.
Here are the previous blog posts:
- (Link): Christian Josh Duggar Resigns from Family Research Council after Sexual Abuse Allegations
- (Link): A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages
- (Link): Some Christians Have Some Very Strange, Unsettling, Creepy, or Authoritarian Ideas About Marriage, Divorce, or Mate Selection – and they think they should make your life choices for you
In the midst of checking out these links and stories about Duggar and TVC, I have seen many links and things posted about marriage, divorce, and domestic abuse and pedophilia, as well as the typical conservative Christian reaction to these issues.
There is a small but out-spoken conservative Christian minority (and I think some of the posters are moderates or progressives) who are stridently opposed to abuse of all forms and feel that churches are totally blowing it concerning how they deal with abuse among Christians.
The Christians who “get it” have been re-tweeting comments from the Christians who do not appreciate the seriousness of abuse, who are cavalier or flippant about abuse, or who minimize abuse by making comments such as “we are all sinners” or “we all deserve grace.”
Here in this post, I would like to start a collection of these things. I may in the future come back to edit this post to add the tweets, comments, and photos as I find them.
One common theme of the things I am posting are tweets or articles that indicate just how much marriage has been turned into an idol by some Christians.
Here is one, first posted by Tweetie Pie (Link)
This is a screen capture from some private group, I assume something having to do with J D Hall’s “Pulpit and Pen” group but could be mistaken by that.
JD Hall was using the “survivorgals” hash or term in some of his posts or podcasts, and the top of this post has the hash “survivorgals” in it.
By the way: “survivor gals” has a condescending and sexist tone to it, so I’d advise these people to drop its usage.
When these Calvinists debate Arminian men, do they tag Arminian men with the hash ‘ArminanBros?’ or some other equivalent, mentioning their gender? Probably not.
At any rate, this screen grab has a quote on it about divorce which reads:
- “Where you have a society with toleration for divorce you’re going to have divorce on a rampant, pandemic level. And that’s what we have in society.”
I found a web page with the quote in context (Link – off site, cached content):
- The story behind America’s love affair with no-fault divorce is a sad tale. Stephen Baskerville writes in the March 2005 edition of Crisis magazine that America’s embrace of easy divorce is the most significant reason that marriage now is threatened and, by some measures, hanging by a thread.
- Where you have a self-centered, where you have carnal sinful people who can not sustain relationships right, and where you have a society with Toleration for divorce you’re going to have divorce on a rampant pandemic level, and that’s exiting in our society right now.
- Where there are people who are only concerned with themselves, where there are worldly people are sinners who can not maintain a right relationship with the community and where there is tolerance for divorce, that’s where there would be a divorce is rampant, and that is happening in our society today.
- This reality means that now any spouse can demand a divorce for any reason and be Assured that the courts will award
- Often the divorce and will grant disproportionate favor to the party seeking the divorce.
This fact now means that every couple can file for divorce for any reason and
confident that the court will allow the divorce and often give a decision that does not
proportionally to parties seeking a divorce.
- Barbara Whitehead, author of the book ‘The Divorce Culture’ points to the influence of therapy as a contributing factor.
Sometimes people who end marriages must do so because one spouse is abusive. Abusers cannot and do not change – the Gospel does not change them. These men refuse to change.
Abusers are deeply entitled and reluctant to change. Changing and “reconciling” to their wife (most abusers are husbands) means they would have to give up their perks and benefits they accrue from controlling and beating their wives into submission with their fists or words.
If you want to read more about abusive men and why they act as they do, and more about their reluctance to change, please get a copy of the book
- Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men – by Lundy Bancroft
As I said on one of my last posts:
- Adults can make their own choices in life, including when, if, and how to divorce. They don’t need a preacher’s or elder’s input for that.
- Most churches are notoriously anti-divorce, even in cases of on-going, severe physical abuse and so they will rarely tell someone even in those circumstances they have the church’s blessings to seek a divorce. (Visit any blog for Christian spousal abuse victims to see numerous examples of that. Also read the book “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft for more examples.)
- Churches are hideous at helping women in abusive marriages, as I explained above. As I’ve been documenting on this blog the last few years, churches also suck dirt at giving decent dating advice to singles.
- You are better off making your own choices about what to do in life than you are in seeking “counsel” or “care” from preachers or churches on almost any topic.
For more on the topics of Christians and divorce please see:
- (Link, off site): What God Has Joined
- (Link, off site): A Cry For Justice (see their posts and resource list about divorce)
Over and over again I keep seeing Christians placing the institution of marriage above the people who are in the institution itself, and that was not God’s intent.
Christians – especially ones who are into gender complementarianism and Christian patriarchy – promote this notion that women are responsible for men’s sexual sins and that men are incapable of sexual self control, even though the Bible says men are capable of self control.
I saw this screen cap of a Tweet on Janet Mefferd’s account, below right (LInk).
Apparently some Christian men do buy into the propaganda and nonsense that Christian men are incapable of sexual self control and are wanna-be rapists:
I take it that this Michael Lober (screen handle @FreedWretch) is a Christian (I am unclear on that point).
To put it very lightly, if you sit around fantasizing about raping other people, you have some issues, pal.
The Bible says you’re supposed to take every thought captive under Christ ((Link, off site): 2 Corinthians 5: 10) and that you should be focusing on thoughts that are pure and lovely ((Link, off site): Philippians 4:8)
That you assume that all or many Christian men (or just husbands in general, including Non Christian men) would sit around having “rape thoughts” is very disturbing.
I would think most men would find this deeply insulting and want to tell you to speak for yourself, bub.
I also find these types of views play into the stereotype that women dislike sex or are not interested in sex. Most women are in fact, interested in sex, like sex, want sex and are turned on visually by good-looking men, but most Christian men want to live in this fantasy world where they think they can be out-of-shape, balding lard balls with big, beer guts and still attract physically attractive women.
I tweeted Janet Mefferd concerning the “rape thoughts” guy and told her I am single, raised as a Christian, but it’s “Christian” guys like him who have made me reconsider dating or marrying Non-Christians.
So many self professing Christian men these past several years have been demonstrating that they are sexist and perverted I think I would be just as safe and well-off marrying a decent, caring Non-Christian man.
She may not totally agree with my view on that, but she did “fave” that tweet of mine, so I think she’s at least sympathetic towards my situation.
So here we see some very troubling examples of Christians who have some icky, gross views about abuse, divorce, women, and sexual assault.
Edit (May 2015). J D Hall blocked me from his Twitter, but I can still see his Tweets when other people retweet them. I was looking for something on Janet Mefferd’s feed when I spotted several exchanges she had with Hall and his cronies.
After seeing this, seeing his victim-blaming post, and knowing how (Link): he harassed a teen boy online (that boy later committed suicide), it’s clear to me that Hall is unregenerate. Hall does not display an of the qualities the Bible says an actual Christian should be expected to have (eg, Here)
J D Hall thinks all sins are equal. That is, he indicates in a Tweet to Mefferd or some other guy, that if a man thinks naughty thoughts about, say, an adult woman in a thong bikini, this is the same thing as a man having, as another Tweeter put it earlier, “rape thoughts.”
Here are links to the various Tweet exchanges between Hall and others:
(Link): Tweet from Hall to Mefferd and others – equating any and all sexual sin (ie, rape is no worse than a guy looking at nudie magazines of adults)
(Link): Tweet Re Hall
I will update this post in the future if or when I find more examples of these things, or other things.
Related Posts this blog: