Don’t Listen to Assh-les Who Tell You When to Have Kids
This editorial applies to anyone and everyone, but I’ve noticed that evangelicals, Baptists, and other conservative Christians are quite fond of shaming, arguing, or guilt tripping Christians into getting married and having children and by a certain age.
I would encourage you to click through and read this entire link below. I am not in the mood to copy or paste the whole thing here, and some people don’t like it when you reproduce an entire blog post from their blog on yours.
So do click through to read the whole thing, because there are huge chunks of arguments this author raises to defend you making your own choices on when to have children rather than being shamed into having kids when other people say you should – ones that don’t appear in my excerpts below.
- by Tracy Moore
For the first time in seven years, the birth rate has (Link): risen. The 1 percent increase is attributed to women in their 30s and 40s popping ‘em out a smidge faster.
But, before you begin to celebrate the expansion of motherhood’s age range, here are a bunch of statistics from a piece at Quartz that says that those older moms and dads are miserable—and that it’s high time they stopped pretending otherwise.
Emma-Kate Symons (Link): rounds up a slew of stats and some anecdotes that paint a bleak picture for the older parent.
Symons reports that there are nine times more first-time moms over 35 than there were in the 1970s, and that men with at least a bachelors are also breeding later, with a “steady increase” in dudes aged 40 to 49 who have kids under 6 years old.
- —start quote
But contrary to a vociferous faction of the 40-plus (Link): “happymommy” blogger crowd and out-of-touch child-raising manuals, it’s not going well at all.
Katrina Alcorn, author of the bestselling Maxed out: American Moms on the brink, says women who delayed having kids ‘‘to try to get a foothold in their careers or to get some financial stability’’ are being pushed beyond their limits as they struggle with work-life balance and the additional burdens that mid-life brings.
‘‘They find themselves in their 40s, sandwiched between raising young kids and trying to take care of aging parents while also trying to support their families financially,’’ she explains to Quartz.‘‘It’s too much.’’
While I personally believe that absolutely anything can be shitty at any time if you frame it correctly with your shitty brain, I also have to say: You know what could also be “too much”? Having a kid in your twenties and forgoing vital career advancement, only to meet the bias of resume gaps when you re-enter the workforce.
Or, really, having a kid at all, if you’re a woman, because there’s a penalty for mothers (but not fathers!) for doing so— (Link): at any age. Other things that are too much: Having a kid at any other time than when you were personally ready for whatever reason because of statistics, or the suggestion that it might bring you less joy than some other person whose experience you will never know anyway.
- …The truth is, and it must be repeated often: Nothing outside of your own calculations can help you decide (Link): whether or not to have kids.
- These stats above, in particular, fail to calculate the (Link): economic, romantic, emotional factors that go into deciding when to breed, so they won’t help you either.
- It is highly, highly individual and not a choice made in a vacuum of best-case scenario stats about how things are shaking out, grand-scheme, generally, the world over.
Having a baby is a risk at any age, at any time, for any number of reasons; it’s also a reward in just as many unpredictable ways. Don’t let statistics—or anyone, for that matter—tell you otherwise.