Paul, Singleness, And Mutuality: Three Proposals for The Church (from Junia Project)

Paul, Singleness, And Mutuality: Three Proposals for The Church (from Junia Project)

This argues several points I’ve made on this blog over the years.

Unmarried women are on the lowest rung in churches – unmarried MEN are a step above unmarried women.

Not only is there a bias against adult singles by Christians, but there is a lot of sexism, hence, being a single woman is a double whammy. Single men only have to put up with the anti-singles nonsense; not anything that is “anti man” because most churches clearly favor men over women.

(Link): Paul, Singleness, And Mutuality: Three Proposals for The Church (from Junia Project)


JULY 10, 2015 BY

Something I’ve come to understand is that singleness is a high price to ask of people.

I was single for a long time before my girlfriend said yes to my awkward proposal (thankfully), and so I have some realization of what it means to be single in a sub-culture within a larger and highly sexualized American culture. To constantly be fed a steady stream of images and products designed to inflame and provoke and yet maintain sexual celibacy is not easy.

When Christian culture prioritizes marriage over singleness, we make things even more difficult by unwittingly illustrating that our single brothers and sisters are unwanted, or worse, unneeded.

So how can the church integrate and empower our single brothers and sisters? I offer three suggestions, though many more could and probably should be added.

1. Recognize the implied status of married men in the church

My wife tell me that on her seminary campus she often sees masculine language on ads for pastors and other church jobs. Almost exclusively, these churches wanted married men—not single. I will be seeking ordination upon graduation (probably alongside my wife, and I know that I am much more likely to be hired if I am married.

Being a married man in evangelicalism is like having special access to all the perks our subculture has to offer.

For example, it includes an implied status that exudes responsibility and maturity. I know several men who have gotten married specifically to increase their chances of being ordained by a particular denomination known for wanting stability in candidates. What better way to illustrate this than by showing you are married?

I’ve heard male friends say that being married automatically makes you more mature, with one even intimating that unmarried men were lazy.

Having known many married men, I can tell you that immaturity is not imputed on you when you “put a ring on it”. Plus, if I am allowed a moment of cynicism, hiring a married dude often means that a church gets an additional (unpaid?) worker in the wife.

We need to recognize the privileged status we confer upon married men, especially in our churches.

Related Posts:

(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified

(Link): Debunking Eros: Why Romantic Love Isn’t the Only Love Worth Having by Mimi Haddard

(Link):   Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? (critique of post at other blog)

(Link): A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc

(Link): The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link):  The Rise of the Lone She-Wolf by Charlotte Alter

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link):  The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Think The “Billy Graham Rule” Would Have Saved Tullian? Think Again… (Billy Graham rule has all Christians treating single adult women as though they are harlots who cannot be trusted)

(Link):  Sex Regarded as Passage Into Adulthood

(Link):  Fatherhood and Marriage Bring Out the Best In Men says Conservative Think Tank

(Link):  Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male / female relationships (article via Junia Project blog)

(Link):  Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)

(Link):   How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link):  Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

5 thoughts on “Paul, Singleness, And Mutuality: Three Proposals for The Church (from Junia Project)”

  1. Thank you for having me again. It is good to be back. I have a lot of articles to catch up on. Will set up my blog by no later than the end of the week. I will let you know when it is up and running. Hope this finds you well, C.P. Thanks, again.

      1. Hello again. No hurry here. Just take your time with your blog, and good luck with it!

        I’m not sure how many regular readers I get on this blog.

        Maybe they lurk… but I don’t get lots of comments. I think other than you, there are one or two others who drop in every few months to say hello.

        Nice to see you again. 🙂

  2. Good Article. It does make many of the points the CP has made time and again. But, nonetheless these points need to be stated over and over again, sadly. With sincerest apologies to CP and all her followers: I have been gone for quite awhile due to illness which I am still battling. I am going to start a companion blog taken from the perspective of a celibate, single, never married, late 50 ish disabled male ( me), and will occasionally link to C.P.’s where appropriate to do so. Providing that is still okay with C.P., Of course. Thanks for listening. Good to be back. Sincerely, Mikewchair2165

    1. Hey, MikeC! Good to see you again.

      I’m glad you don’t mind me posting repetitive stuff to this blog. I sometimes think I must be boring any regular visitors with it.

      I haven’t been blogging much until a day or two ago, when I did several posts in a row. Before that, I hadn’t posted for about two weeks, I think it was.

      I’m sorry you have been ill lately, I hope you get better soon.

      Good luck to you on the upcoming blog! I can link to it from mine if you like, in a post, and maybe over on the side, under my blog roll links.

      Yes, you may link to my blog if you like.

      There is this other 50ish celibate guy who used to post here, I had to ban him, and I suspect he takes some of his blog posts ideas for his blog from mine, but he (so far as I can tell) has never linked back to my blog or cited my blog as one of his sources, which I feel is kind of rude. And he had accused me of being untrustworthy because I blog under a pen name, not my actual name.

      Anyway, I hope you recover soon. Thank you for dropping by again.

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