Christian Married Couples Who Think Husbands Using Physical Force on Wives Is Acceptable and Christian Married Men Who Deny There is Such a Thing as Marital Rape
Before I get to the links in question, here is a long preface:
I was raised by Christian parents and accepted Christ as my savior when I was a kid. I was taught by my parents and a lot of Christian content I read over the years, since youth, that it’s wrong or sinful for a Christian to marry a Non-Christian. I would hear or read references to a passage in the New Testament that mentions the “equally yoked” principle.
If you’ve been to this blog before, you know I’ve been undergoing a faith crisis the last 2 or 3 or whatever years, and I am now on a spectrum of somewhere between the poles of conservative Christian and agnostic.
I now question a lot of things I was taught as a kid and believed in early adulthood by Christian sources.
I no longer see much value or wisdom in a Christian refusing to date or marry a Non-Christian. I simply have seen too much sexism among Christians, too much wife abuse, churches that won’t effectively deal with abusive marriages, to any longer believe there is any safety or benefit in a woman marrying a Christian man.
I have a (Link): running list of links to news stories in one blog post about self-professing, and in many cases, regular church attending Christian men, who either admit to, or get arrested for things like rape, domestic violence, and child molesting.
Some Christians like to get into a distracting stance about, “well, men who rape, or who hit their wives are not “real” Christians.” I’ve addressed this issue before on my blog. I’m never any good at articulating it, but so far as I can explain: it does not matter if the self-professing Christian man is “really” saved or not.
I can guarantee you that no Christian single woman who believes in the “equally yoked” teaching intentionally sets out to marry a Non-Christian. No Christian woman intentionally sets out to marry a guy who only pretends to be a Christian but is not.
No Christian woman intends to marry a guy who has all the trademarks and qualities one would expect to find in a Christian only to find out later in marriage that the Christian husband is a serial cheater, a child molester, a porn addict, or what have you.
So, at the end of the day, does it really matter worth a damn to these women if the guy was a true Christian or not? No. Because she’s stuck with a dead beet, loser, pervert, or abuser until she divorces his ass.
All of these questions about ‘Can a man who is REALLY saved turn around and rape women or beat them up’ are moot, if you ask me.
A man who wears the label of “Christian” but who looks at porn all day, or who rapes women, or who beats his wife up all day long is not suitable marriage material. There are Non-Christian men who would make better partners. There are Non-Christian men who would be more loving, gentle, and respectful of their wives than church-going Christian men.
My stance on this blog over the last two or so years is that women need to usually ignore a man’s religious views and judge him on his behavior and character.
Christians have made much too much out of marriage. Your life is too short to spend wasted on some loser who beats you up, or who verbally abuses you, or who is not meeting your emotional needs, or who feels entitled to sex.
Divorce is not an unpardonable sin. Only Christians attach stigma to divorce: God himself is much more forgiving of human failure.
So do consider divorcing the loser you are with now (if he is abusing you in some manner or what have you) and either be single from here on out if you choose, or pick a better man in the future.
I used to pretty much trust Christian advice on dating and marriage and so on. But as I previously wrote in the page you see linked to below, this is no longer the case:
I can no longer see myself taking dating or relationship advice from a group of people who think it’s acceptable to tell women to keep “submitting” to an abusive man.
Now we have Christians with blogs saying that talking through problems in marriage is not good enough, that Christian husbands have a right to use force on a wife, because men prefer beating women up to using conversation to settle problems.
- Off Site Link: Sounding Board Blog: Christian Blogger Claims that Husbands Don’t Like to Use Words to Resolve Marital Conflict, Physical Force Works Better
- “Christian Patriarchy: men who resort to physical force (wife spanking, restricting movement, etc), to gain control of their wives”
Some of the comments on the page above by the blog visitors are very good and are insightful, and point out some of the glaring inconsistencies of the man and wife team who run the other blog that holds the position that it’s perfectly fine for a husband to exert physical control over his wife – like an angry toddler would, instead of talking over differences like, you know, two adults would attempt.
There are also men who profess to be Christian who deny that there is such a thing as martial rape. They also believe that Christian husbands are entitled to sex no matter what.
Rather than me linking directly to the guy’s blog who propagates this view, I will link you to a chat about it from Facebook group “Stuff Christian Culture Likes,” and from there, you can click on that group’s link to visit the guy’s odious blog, if you so choose:
- Off Site Link: Stuff Christian Culture Likes: Divorced and Remarried Christian Man Denies that Marital Rape Exists, Says Husbands Entitled to Sex
To be fair, there are Christian men, many of whom are married, who are jumping in to some of the comments sections at the aforementioned linked to pages who are sickened or angered or disgusted by these views. I realize that not all Christian men are sexist, pigs, or abusers.
But it remains that there are self-professing Christian men who agree with these awful views of women, and there are warped or co-dependent Christian women who support this trash, too.
And a lot of gender complementarianism and Christian patriarchal views, with their twisted Bible interpretations, undergird some of these views, beliefs, and practices.
The theology revolving around gender as taught or believed under complementarianism or patriarchy supports, enables, or perpetuates harmful or damaging things like spousal rape, physical abuse, or verbal and emotional abuse against wives.
There is no way I am taking in or considering dating or marriage advice from persons (read: Christians) who believe that it’s God’s intent for a man to demand sex from his wife, and who deny there is such a thing as marital rape.
I no longer take dating or relationship advice from people who actually promote the views that God is fine with men beating their wives up, spanking them, pushing them into snow banks in the middle of the night, verbally abusing them, or having sex no matter what.
These views reek of extreme male entitlement, and God predicted in the book of Genesis that male entitlement would be one outcome of the fall, of sin entering humanity; it was never his intent.
I know I’ve stated this before on my blog a time or two, but here it is again:
I’ve realized in the last year or more that I am better off simply trusting my own instincts, boundaries, and choices in who I date or what I will permit in a marriage, assuming I ever marry.
Why on earth would I ever want to allow other people, ones who twist the Bible, who cling to sexist ideas about women (and no, I’m not a feminist – I am right wing and a conservative) to dictate to me how I should live my life? That is ridiculous. I will live my life as I see fit, and that includes who I choose to marry, and what I will and will not allow within the marriage.
Think twice about seriously taking dating advice from the same group of people who think it’s fine and dandy for a husband to beat on his wife, demand sex any time and in any fashion he chooses, for a husband to “discipline” his wife (by spanking her or pushing her into snow drifts), and so on. None of those actions are the sign of a healthy, loving marriage, but one where the husband is a power-hungry, control freak.
They are not defending or advocating for a man and woman to have a mutually respectful or satisfying relationship, but a lop-sided, uneven relationship where the husband lords authority over his wife, but Jesus condemned such views:
- But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. “It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant,… (Matthew 20:25)
Jesus did not say anything in there about it being okay for a husband to spank his wife, demand sex from her, or push her into piles of snow at night while she’s wearing a flimsy nightgown.
My take: Avoid taking advice from anyone who teaches Jesus is fine with this sort of thing. Certainly think twice and three times before marrying someone who is fine with any of this.
They are teaching their personal kinks, and not anything biblical. I also think these sorts of people need to seek psychological counseling, because they have some screws loose.
Also recall, as I’ve reported on in previous blog posts, that a lot of these same Christians teaching these sexist, dangerous, bogus views about marriage, tend to say they support “family values.”
Oh sure they do! Which is why I suppose I am forever finding examples to blog about concerning Christian family values promoters who get caught molesting children and so forth. Like this:
- (Link): Focus on the Family Members Practice Infidelity or Homosexuality and Get Divorced and Remarry – links to exposes
Really, when taking advice from people on dating, consider the source. It would not be wise to take advice from idiots who tell you it’s your God-designed lot in life to take orders from a man and take abuse off him. And teachings like these make staying single look better and better to me. I don’t have to put up with a husband’s garbage.
(Link): Christian Host Pat Robertson Tells Christian Woman Who Married Christian Man Who Turned Out to Be Totally Unethical That She has Discernment of a Slug – Single Women: toss Be Equally Yoked teaching in the trash can
(Link): Good Grief! Five Million Dollar Family Idoltary on Display: Focus on the Family Launches $5 Million Project Targeting Family Breakdown, Social Ills – Please, when you say you support marriage, be honest about what you REALLY mean
(Link): Obnoxious and Sexist Preacher Mark Driscoll Wants Christian Singles to Stay Single Indefinitely – And Even Though Unwanted, Prolonged Singleness has Been a Huge Issue For Christian Singles for A Couple Decades Now – Driscoll: ‘Christians should not marry pro choicers’