According to One Poster, If You Are A Virgin, You Have Wasted Your Life or Time
The following post contains crass language. I put that warning in here for any sensitive Christian readers who may drop by.
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I was looking over SCCL’s Facebook page, and under a post linked to Christian sex advice (link to post), which is about a blog post by a 32 year old virgin Christian woman, was this comment by a Jill Millings:
- 32 year old virgin. I feel sorry for her. She completely wasted her 20s
- (link to her post in that thread)
Give me a break, Jill.
I notice that Jill has one of those Facebook rainbow personal profile photos, which people who are supporters of homosexual marriage adopted when the Supreme Court upheld homosexual marriage a few weeks ago.
So. Jill is all keen on supporting homosexual sex and marriage, I take it, but totally into (hetero) virgin-shaming? (One wonders if she would be just as condescending about homosexuals who choose to forgo sex?)
I believe there were one or two people in that thread who said they respect other people’s choices to remain virgins should they choose to go that route. Good for them.
But one of the problems of visiting these types of sites – where ex Christians or liberal Christians like to rant about problems they have with Christian culture – is that you will sometimes see a devaluation of, or ridicule by, some members of biblical standards or traditional views or practices of sexuality.
This is one thing that is so insensitive and hypocritical about these liberal, atheist, or ex-Christian participants on these types of sites.
They will support almost any and all sexual choices and behaviors EXCEPT FOR adult virginity and adult celibacy.
People who were virgins in their twenties did not “waste their 20s.”
I’m over 40 and still a virgin. My life is not a “wasted life,” you harpy.
What an incredibly condescending view, to invalidate someone’s entire life merely because they didn’t suck on dicks or have a dick in their vagina?
How is that any better or different than sexual purity church programs you types complain about, where non-virgin girls say they feel dirty after their teacher compares them to being a stick of used chewing gum, or a glass of dirty water?
I’m more than my vagina or libido, Jill.
I’m not less of a woman, nor is my life less than yours, nor is my life to be pitied, all due to my choice to refrain from having a penis in my mouth or vagina.
All this also goes for the one person who so far has clicked on Jill’s comment, a Marguerite Halversen.
You guys are just as judgmental against sexual choices you don’t like as are the conservative Christians you rail against on these groups, blogs, and forums.
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Related Posts:
(Link): General Observations Or Concerns About Stuff Christian Culture Likes Group and Blog
(Link): Study: More Sex Could Make You Less Happy
(Link): The Christian and Non Christian Phenomenon of Virgin Shaming and Celibate Shaming
(Link): The Contemporary Church Undervalues Celibacy / Virginity
(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments
(Link): Sex, Love & Celibacy by Christian Author Dan Navin
(Link): Virgin Shaming: Hollywood’s Attack on Purity
(Link): On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)
(Link): Sometimes Fornication Can Impact Another Relationship Later – One Example
(Link): Ask Men site’s Virgin Shaming Editorial, entitled, Five Reasons Not To Sleep With A Virgin
Christian Pundit 
I forgot to mention that True Womanhood would no doubt regard me as a fake woman and Christian as I am strongly egalitarian. Likewise, I am unmarried and childless in my 50s so I must have missed out on God’s best as being a baby machine is apparently God’s desire for every woman (not). It simply disgusts me how they conflate gender with the gospel. Their “gospel”–which despite any disclaimers they may make, is one that comes in pink for girls and blue for boys. They are preaching the false and satanic and declaring it is of God.
Likewise, comps always make a big to-do over a woman’s equal worth and dignity with a man’s. Yet they fail to see how illogical it is to maintain ontological equality and functional subordination based upon being the female sex. IOW to paraphrase George Orwell’s “Animal Farm”, they are saying both sexes are equal. But one, the male–is more equal than the other–the female. Are they that blind and deceived?
They likewise fail to see that such a belief is quite recent. I am nearly old enough to remember when women’s inferiority was in fact believed and taught by Christians–and I am in my mid 50s as I said. Even today, when I have debated comps, inevitably they fall back on that good ol’ female inferiority bullshit because all they can do is tiredly and repetitively quote the same Scriptures over and over (I guess they mistakenly assume I’m either illiterate or don’t have access to a Bible?) I have heard women are emotional wrecks compared to men (I guess they’ve never seen men at sporting events or watching sports on TV), are illogical, etc., etc., ad infinitum, ad nauseum. Even comp women spout this crap. I freely admit I rarely feel charitable towards them and I wish beyond wishing they’d all just STFU already or better yet, the men would move to Mars and the women to Venus. Unfortunately they’d likely still meet on Earth. Or would it be one sex’s job or the other’s to move, even temporarily, when one was horny? Ugh.
I also despise comp theology as they more than egals, have made sex, marriage, and the family an idol. They are impatient with single men and they pity and scorn unmarried women–especially like myself. Certainly, they marginalize both. At least egals try to value singles more yet they too, can fall prey to such thinking. Unfortunately.
Finally, comps cannot agree on two things: 1) They cannot agree with one another on how much authority women should be allowed in society, home, and the church. 2) They cannot come to a consensus at what age a boy becomes a man. And trust me, they HATE being asked those questions. I have observed disingenuous remarks from them with both astonishment and anger when they make no honest attempt to answer but appeal to tradition, what their own church does, or worst, when a man says a boy is a man and/or how much authority men think women should have in those areas. How do they witness to women who have authority over men in the secular world? Oh yeah, and they think equality is worldly? Patriarchy/Misogyny/Sexism are what’s worldly. I guess they’ve never heard of the Taliban and Islamic states where women (and men) are horrendously mistreated. Of course they’d be quick to denounce such, but I say it’s merely a matter of degree between misogynistic comp Christian theology and Mormon or Islamic theology.
Quite frankly, if I were convinced the Bible taught pink and blue roles, I would renounce Christianity in a flash. Why? Because it all boils down to special pleading re women. Women are created in God’s image but… Were also given dominion but… Also need the gospel but… Are equal in worth and dignity but… IOW–I would see the Bible as just illogical when all is said and done.
Quite frankly, that would be the deal breaker for me.
Sorry to be so longwinded.
I will try to address both your posts under this one.
I can’t add much else to your comments on gender complementarianism. I agree with everything you said.
I come from a GC (gender complementarian) family. My parents (especially my mother, I think, maybe more so than my father) believed in GC. I was raised by my mother to fall in line with all that.
I was raised by her with the expectation I’d marry in my 20s and have kids (which of course never happened, not yet – I’m getting too old to have kids, but I may still be able to marry. Anyhow).
GC is essentially warmed over codependency:
Women are taught that it’s God’s design for them to be meek, passive, weak, deferential, unassertive, to always put other’s needs first, getting your own needs met is framed as being “selfish,” it’s wrong to have boundaries, you are supposed to sacrifice your time / money / emotions (whatever else) to meet the needs of everyone around you (but it’s selfish for you to get your own needs met).
All of that is the same as codependency, but it’s presented by a lot of conservative Christians under the “GC” teaching, and said that the Bible sanctions it, and God designed women to be that way.
I agree that one of the many flaws with GC is that they are inconsistent in its application.
No two married GC couples or congregations or denominations can agree just how and when and where women may or may not serve.
One church may be fine with a woman teaching a mixed gender Sunday School class of teens, while another church would say “no” to that.
You said,
Yeah, there is a lot of “double speak” and so on among GCs.
They keep wanting to convince us that shucky darn, they sure do consider women equals, so they say “you’re equal in being but not in role.” Which is nothing but Jim Crow-like behavior, when black people were told back decades ago “you’re equal to whites, but just not equal enough to sit in the same diners or use the same water fountains as them.”
Gender complementarians are not fooling anyone with this nonsense anymore. I used to be a little fooled by it, because I was a sincere follower of Christ, wanted to please God, and there are a handful of verses that on the surface seem to support GC views (but which really do not upon closer reflection).
I also agree with the comparisons of GC to Islamic suppression of women.
GCs will sometimes say GC is counter-cultural, but it’s not – women have been oppressed by most cultures and religious groups since the beginning. GC is sexism with Bible verses applied to it. GC is actually going along with culture, not fighting it or correcting it.
Second Post Regarding your second post about Millings and her anti-Virginity comments (which I found in the Facebook group SCCL, Stuff Christian Culture Likes).
That is one of those groups where sometimes I agree with them on some topics, but on others, no. Way no.
I don’t see myself ever posting to that group. I do lurk there on occasion, but I don’t see myself posting there. While I am critical of some components in Christianity, I’m not hostile to Christianity and still am right wing and have fairly traditional values.
Most of SCCL’s posters, however, lean left wing and are progressive / left wing on social issues.
They would probably rip my head off in teams if I dared showed up to disagree on one of their pro-homosexuality marriage posts, for example.
I don’t like being ganged up on, and don’t even really like getting into hostile back and forth fights with folks. So I avoid posting there. The consensus would be against me.
I’ve also seen people with similar views to mine go to SCCL to very politely disagree on some issue or another, and they get mobbed by 2 to 5 extremely hostile types who shout them down quite rudely.
A few of the regular posters there are more accepting of divergent views, but they are in the minority.
I am amazed that a group (SCCL) that largely is respectful (sometimes obsessively or extremely so) with supporting homosexuality that many (though not all) of its participants will sneer at or mock adult virginity or celibacy, or towards virgins themselves.
Almost any time the woman (Stephanie Drury) who runs the group posts a link to an extreme patriarchal type Christian pages or blogs advocating modesty or virginity (and make no mistake, I normally do NOT agree with certain “way out there” views on modesty and virginity myself – it depends on the particular view or blog that is under consideration), you can almost always rest assured that at least one commentator (if not more) will leave posts mocking virginity or virgins or ridiculing celibacy.
BTW, I did a post on here a few months ago about how some atheists are just as ignorant about virginity and celibacy as conservative Christians are. I had some exchanges with these buttheads on Twitter.
You can read that here:
(Link): Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians
Seriously. Some atheists are just as intolerant, disrespectful and ignorant on some topics as some Christians are.
And please don’t worry about the length of your posts 🙂 Believe me, I understand the need to unload on occasion.
And in our very particular situation -we’re both sort of Agnostic-Christianish (sorry, I don’t know what label you’d give yourself), and our being fed up with the same things: like Gender Complementarianism, churches treating adult singles like garbage, being fed up with certain types of atheists, and I think we’re both right wing on politics, etc…. we don’t often run into too many other people who are like us on these subjects.
I feel like I’m without a home. I’m still right wing, for example, but at the same time, I’m angry or fed up with other right wingers on some topics (tho not all). I don’t see myself ever becoming left wing, so I don’t feel totally comfortable in Left Wing World (though I do have some friends who are left wing).
Thank you for leaving comments. Please come back and post or rant any time. 🙂
I agree solo; I agree 101%. I am sure Ms. Millings will have a very strong word with Jesus about how *He* wasted His 20s by remaining chaste and unmarried.
I also noticed the intolerant comments re chastity and they made me furious. And I have come to believe that liberals/progressives/atheists are some of the most arrogant, intolerant people on the whole damn planet.
Now I need a soother as that whole megillah just irritated the snot out of me. smdh