To Wife’s Dismay, Alcoholic Husband Regularly Uses Porn – Ask Amy Letter

To Wife’s Dismay, Alcoholic Husband Regularly Uses Porn – Ask Amy Letter

I was going to wait to do another post or two later this week, but I just saw this and was dumbfounded, so I’m doing a post about this now.

In the category of “there are times I am glad I have never married, and this is one of those times,” I present you with this August 2015 letter by a married lady to an advice columnist about her jerk husband.

And let this be another example that goes against a common Christian teaching that God will not grant you a spouse unless and until you become X, whatever X is defined as: mature, more godly, or whatever.

There are clearly some great big losers and perverts out there who are getting married… God is sure as heck not preventing these losers from getting married.

And marriage is not making these people better, more mature, or keeping them from sexual sin (other cliche’s which are taught by many Christians).

I think divorce in a situation like this (as described in the letter below) is acceptable and warranted.

Christians who teach the ‘permanence view of marriage’ can just SUCK IT.

Nobody should have to spend decades putting up with stuff like this (or worse).

DEAR AMY:

  • My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years. We own a small business together. Several times a week he drinks at work and comes home feeling highly sexed.
  • His drunken state is a huge turnoff. When I turn down his offer of sloppy, drunk sex, he berates me, calls me names and retreats to another room where he engages in phone sex with women on sex sites. This lasts for hours. In the morning he looks quite unattractive to me. He is hung over and in his own world.

  • I have told him if he comes home sober I will be happy to enjoy “time” with him. When he comes home even somewhat sober we enjoy a sex life. I think he is addicted to these sites. How can I reconcile it (in my head) to not think he is gross after his nights of too much booze and porn?
  • — Grossed Out
  • DEAR GROSSED OUT:

  • If your description is accurate, short of you submitting to hypnosis (or drunkenness yourself) — your husband seems gross to you because he IS gross.
  • He has a drinking problem and the consequence is that you don’t want to be with him. I cannot imagine wanting to stay in this marriage, which by your description sounds depleting and very depressing. I hope you will at the very least start attending Al-Anon meetings, where you will meet others whose lives are affected by alcohol abuse (al-anon.org).

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Related Posts:

(Link):  Your first child really CAN put you off having more: Dip in happiness after birth ‘is greater for some than after divorce or death… and lowers chance of siblings’

(Link):  Those Times When You’re Glad to be a Celibate, Single Christian – 2 [Herpes Dating Site]

(Link):  Glad I’m Not Married – ‘Help! My Husband Caught Me Cheating and Now Wants an Open Marriage.’

(Link):  Woman Stabs Husband with Ceramic Squirrel For Not Buying Beer (another time I’m glad I’ve never married)

(Link):  Thirty Year Old Woman Kills Herself Due to Being Single and Childless – Churches contribute to this by either Ignoring adult singles or shaming them for being single and childless

(Link):  Four Behaviors are the Most Reliable Predictors of Divorce

(Link): Stupid Things Naive Christians Say (About Adultery, Divorce) from Divorce Minister Blog

(Link): Divorce. Unpardonable sin? (from CWO) / How Churches Fail the Divorced (article)

(Link):  New Preacher At Church Says Divorced People Cannot Be Members, Those Already Divorced Will Be Removed