Ashley Madison Proves Women Aren’t Interested in Casual Sex by N S Riley – a brief critique of this editorial

Ashley Madison proves women aren’t interested in casual sex by N S Riley

There may be some portions of this editorial I agree with, but there was a point or two where I don’t agree with the author, or I at least disagree slightly:

(Link): Ashley Madison proves women aren’t interested in casual sex – on The New York Post, by N S Riley

As to this excerpt:

  • Feminists remain convinced that if only our “gender norms” were different and there weren’t such a “double standard,” that women could enjoy casual sex the way men can.

I recently did another blog post awhile back which proclaims:

So you can read that later and come to your own conclusions.

I am not a feminist.

I do believe in equal rights for women, but the word “feminist” has so much baggage associated with it, I don’t like to use it to describe myself.

Most often, the word is associated with pro-choice, far left liberals who vote Democrat.

I myself am right wing, pro-life, and generally vote Republican when I do vote. Secular feminists are usually left wing and despise right wing women such as myself, so I don’t feel comfortable using the word “feminist” to describe myself.

I do on occasion agree with some secular feminists on some topics, but I find myself disagreeing with them quite a bit.

As to the point that men supposedly want sex more often and with more partners than women do,  or want casual sex more than women do, there is this link:

One of the things I think is dangerous about other conservatives (I am a conservative myself) bashing feminists and liberals on these points is that it actually makes men less accountable for their actions.

I believe the Bible and common sense dictates that people are perfectly capable of self control, and this includes the area of sexual behavior, and this includes men.

For my fellow conservatives to keep running around saying men are more prone to affairs, or that they want sex more, or what have you, is to perpetuate some notions that harm men and women.

We can see in very far right wing expressions of Christianity, such as branches that practices patriarchy or Quivering, that male sexual sins (including things as serious as child molestation, as in the case of Josh Duggar), is often watered down, and the male is excused for his sin, while the girl or women victims are blamed for having been raped or molested, because they supposedly did not dress “modestly enough,” or what have you.

I thought Christians and fellow conservatives were supposed to support the concept of personal responsibility, but in the area of male sexual sin, they usually do not. Their tendency is instead to be hypocritical and hold women and girls responsible for being raped, leered at, cat called, or molested by men.

If a married Christian man has an affair, nine out of ten times, other Christians, especially the ones who believe in gender complementarianism or patriarchal expressions of the faith, will blame the woman.

Such Christians will say if only the woman in question had submitted more to her husband, or had sex with him more often, or had not gained weight, or had cooked him his favorite dinner every night, or what have you, her husband would not have sexually strayed.

So, men get “off the hook” in these matters among Christians while the wives (the women) are burdened with the responsibility of their husband’s sexual indiscretions.

This is totally backwards.

The truth is, men are fully capable of controlling their sexual behavior, even if it could be proven that most men want sex more often with more partners than most women do.

But every time one of my fellow social conservatives screams and yells in a blog or in these editorials that it’s obvious men have higher, raging libidos than women, they are basically helping to excuse male sexual sin.

As for me personally. I have stayed celibate this long into my life, I still believe that the Bible considers pre-marital sex a sin, but I’ve already determined that if I meet the right guy and we’ve dated long enough, I’ll consider having sex (having sex outside of marriage, that is).

I don’t, however, see myself as being the sort who has sex on a first date, or with a hundred guys a week. I think you should at least be in a caring, committed relationship first.

In my opinion, I think the truth is somewhere in the middle on some of these issues. I can see how most women probably favor a long term, serious relationship to having casual sex, in which they feel devalued and used by casual sex.

I do think most women prefer having a committed, stable, caring relationship with one man than sleeping around with 25 guys every week.

I don’t dispute those points too much, if at all, but other conservatives take that sort of observation about women and stretch it out of bounds to mean that women aren’t as interested in sex at all, men cannot help but be over sexed dirt bags, and those kinds of things.

Before I get to more excerpts from the New York Post editorial, there was another story about a guy who committed suicide possibly because his name was on the Ashley Madison list (this has not been confirmed yet).

(Link): Man Commits Suicide After Ashley Madison Hack Information Release

(Link): City Employee With Email Address Linked To Ashley Madison Committed Suicide

  • Reports surfaced yesterday of three City of San Antonio employee email accounts that were exposed in this week’s Ashley Madison account leak. One of those email accounts belongs to an employee who committed suicide on Thursday.
  • It’s unclear at this time if the Ashley Madison hack had anything to do with the employee’s death,the San Antonio Express-News reports.

Here are more excerpts from…

(Link): Ashley Madison proves women aren’t interested in casual sex – on The New York Post, by N S Riley

  • The Ashley Madison hack proves men are dogs. But the Ashley Madison service itself proves men are suckers.
  • Not simply because millions of men who were trying hide from their wives decided to use their real names and e-mail addresses in signing up for an adultery website — though that wasn’t exactly the mark of genius. It’s because they thought that there were millions of halfway attractive, married women out there just waiting for a hot proposition from a married man so they could be unfaithful.
  • There aren’t. And chances are there won’t ever be. It’s hard to know how many people were users of the site are real (it sounds as if some were signed up by friends or enemies as practical jokes). But even taking the numbers at face value, the ratio is abysmal. There were about 28 million men and 5 million women in the account list, while the credit-card information belongs almost entirely to men.
  • Ashley Madison confirms what we already know about infidelity. Men are much more likely to engage in it than women. And men are much more interested in casual sex than women.
  • …But in article after article and book after book in which women who engage in casual sex are interviewed — take (Link): the Vanity Fair article about Tinder earlier this month — (Link): the women are not happy. They don’t like the lack of relationship, and they don’t even like the sex. They are always desperately hoping that casual sex or even drunken sex will turn into something more.
  • Plenty of married men lament that they are no longer able to go after anything with nice legs. But women are much more prone to saying, “I’m so glad I’m not on the dating scene anymore.”
  • It’s not that women don’t commit adultery as often because they are happier in their marriages than men are. In fact, women are more likely to be the ones initiating divorce nowadays. But women know that casual (or anonymous) sex is not going to make them any happier.
  • Research shows that women who have multiple partners are more likely to be depressed.
  • And cheating on their husbands with a guy they met online is certainly not going to fill the hole of whatever was missing from their marriages.
  • The men on Ashley Madison may have been living in a fantasyland, but if they read the media’s messages on women and sex, they might have had good reason to do so. Since the “expert” view is now that gender is a social construct, men might wonder why women don’t act more like them. They are told it’s because of society’s backward patriarchal views that women don’t want to be seen as slutty.
  • So voilá! We have a website that will allow women to cheat without all those judgmental eyes on them. And behind those closed doors . . . women aren’t interested.

As to this set of remarks by Riley:

  • Since the “expert” view is now that gender is a social construct, men might wonder why women don’t act more like them. They are told it’s because of society’s backward patriarchal views that women don’t want to be seen as slutty.

I do believe that some aspects of gender are social constructs. Not everything is hardwired into men and women. See this blog post on my blog for more, which contains excerpts from another site:

I am a woman, but I don’t and have never fit a lot of the traits society and Christian say I’m supposed to have because “God designed women to be this way.”

For example, I don’t like to wear pink, frilly dresses. I am not maternal and never cared one way or the other if I ever had children. In childhood, though, was interested in things some consider “masculine,” such as motorcycles, Sci Fi entertainment, comic book heroes (including the male ones), playing cops and robbers, etc.

To this day, I am still interested in motorcycles and Sci Fi.

I do think other right wingers need to not be so quick to toss out the concept of gender being a social construct; I do think there is some truth to it.

Ever since I’ve been in this drift – I’ve not completely left the Christian faith, but I’m not quite buying into it as I did at one time- and I totally dumped “gender complementarianism,” I have felt so much more free.

I don’t sit around necessarily thinking in terms of my gender. When I think about what I want to do in life, I just think in terms of me. What do I like, what do I want to do? I don’t generally sit about thinking, ‘What do I, AS A WOMAN want to do?’

Even as a kid, I was sort of like that, and then as now, I cannot understand why so many people (usually Christians, gender complementarians, and conservative) keep wanting to shove gender into people’s faces.

Why do they insist that girls can or should only do or be “X” while boys can or should only do “Z”? I’ve never understood that fixation, not to the anal retentive degree I see, like with Independent Fundamentalist Baptists who declare it’s wrong or a sin for women to wear shorts or pants, or for men to grow their hair past their collar.

Why do they want to squash people’s freedom by sticking them in such little, narrow gender boxes?

Anyhow… there were a few parts of the Riley editorial for the New York Post I sort of agreed with, but this overall timber in the piece that “men are from mars, women from venus” doesn’t sit well with me. I think men and women are more similar than unalike, even in matters of sexuality. What differences there are just may be social constructs, contrary to what Riley is advocating.

Related Post, Off Site:

(Link):  If Men Give Love to Get Sex (on CBE’s site)

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Related Posts:

(Link): Why are we denying that women used Ashley Madison? by R. Margolis

(Link):  Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link):  When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men by A. Goldstein

(Link):  When society isn’t judging, women’s sex drive rivals men’s

(Link): New Study Released: Cheaters: More American Married Women Admit to Adultery (links)

(Link): Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity 

(Link): Groundbreaking News: Women Like Sex (part 1, 2) (articles)

(Link): Do men really have higher sex drives than women? (article/study)

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link):  Christian Gender Complementarians, Target Removing Gender Store Signs, Women and Motorcycles, Social Science Doesn’t Confirm that Men Are From Mars / Women From Venus

(Link): Some Christian Women Use Pornography – No Duh. I’ve been saying this all along.

(Link): The Secret Women’s Porn Problem (article about Christian women who use porn)

(Link):  4 Sexist Myths That The Church Should Reject – 3. Men Are Primarily Sexual Beings and Women Are Not Sexual by R. Asproth

(Link): The “Feminization” of the Church by K R Wordgazer

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link):  The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People

(Link): When Your Personal, Private Choices Enrage Others by Bella DePaulo (Regarding People Who are Single and/or Childfree)

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): Boy Bands, Rock Singers, and Other High School Crushes – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”