There are almost no active female users on Ashley Madison
Before I get to posting the links and commentary: your sexual past and choices you make now – can negatively impact your partner or any future partners you have. Maybe not in every case, but sometimes.
I mention this because too often, I see ex-Christians or liberal Christians mock sexual purity standards, such as staying a virgin until marriage. They think such concepts or practices are “fuddy duddy” and silly.
These types of hedonists (the ex Christians and liberal Christians) believe that nobody should judge, or be upset by, their current partner’s sexual history.
As I’ve explained before, not everyone is as casual about sex as these hedonists are. To some people, sex still means something, and is not an act they are going to participate in easily or with just any guy (or woman) who comes along.
This Ashley Madison hack has caused some damage to women who found out their spouses were on the site.
Your sexual choices, history, and behavior can and do sometimes hurt other people.
At any rate.
Unfortunately, some writers are using this sort of information about Ashley Madison lacking women members to conclude that women don’t like sex as much as men do (for example: (Link): Ashley Madison Proves Women Aren’t Interested in Casual Sex by N S Riley – a brief critique of this editorial) .
However, I read an article yesterday that explains that Ashley Madison’s marketing alienates women (as it tended to be sexist), and they did not make the site easy for women to use. Those might be factors as to why there were not as many women members as there were male members.
As to the women who did sign up for the site, one guy studied the data dump and came to the conclusion that what women were on the site (and there weren’t many) did not log in often, or did not use the chat feature often, etc. They were members but were not very active members.
- Analysis of data from the Ashley Madison hack suggests that the vast majority of users on the extramarital dating site were men
- by D. Paquette
- The research, albeit limited, shows that’s not at all accurate. In 2011, researchers at Indiana University, home to the Kinsey Institute, which studies sex, surveyed 900 men and women in monogamous relationships to better understand their cheating habits. They found (Link): no major gender gap: 19 percent of the female respondents and 23 percent of the male respondents in the sample reported they’d “engaged in infidelity.”
- ….She has concluded, however, through her own research and interviews, that men tend to seek out affairs more often than women and are likely to be more successful in this endeavor offline.
- …Sites like Ashley Madison also tend to foster behaviors that can repel female users, she said. “They quickly get off because they’re harassed or they’re treated poorly.”
- But the user records laid bare by hackers last week tell a very different story: Of the more than 35 million records released, only 5 million — a mere 15 percent — actually belonged to women.
- This discrepancy may be the smoking gun that proves something angry users, industry insiders and government watchdogs have alleged for some time: that when it comes to reporting their own user numbers, paid-dating sites distort, manipulate … and sometimes straight-up lie.
- by Annalee Newitz
- When hacker group Impact Team released the Ashley Madison data, (Link): they asserted that “thousands” of the women’s profiles were fake.
- Later, this number (Link): got blown up in news stories that asserted (Link): “90-95%” of them were fake, though nobody put forth any evidence for such an enormous number. So I downloaded the data and analyzed it to find out how many actual women were using Ashley Madison, and who they were.
- What I discovered was that the world of Ashley Madison was a far more dystopian place than anyone had realized.
- This isn’t a debauched wonderland of men cheating on their wives.
- It isn’t even a sadscape of 31 million men competing to attract those 5.5 million women in the database. Instead, it’s like a science fictional future where every woman on Earth is dead, and some Dilbert-like engineer has replaced them with badly-designed robots.
- Those millions of Ashley Madison men were paying to hook up with women who appeared to have created profiles and then simply disappeared. Were they cobbled together by bots and bored admins, or just user debris?
- Whatever the answer, the more I examined those 5.5 million female profiles, the more obvious it became that none of them had ever talked to men on the site, or even used the site at all after creating a profile. Actually, scratch that. As I’ll explain below, there’s a good chance that about 12,000 of the profiles out of millions belonged to actual, real women who were active users of Ashley Madison.
- When you look at the evidence, it’s hard to deny that the overwhelming majority of men using Ashley Madison weren’t having affairs. They were paying for a fantasy.
(Link): The Fembots of Ashley Madison
- by Annalee Newitz
- But I would argue that Ashley Madison’s fraud goes beyond the paid delete scam. The real scam is false advertising. In commercials and on the site itself, the company promises men that they will meet real women who want to have affairs.
- ..Ashley Madison never promised men that they would find women easily, but they did promise that real women inhabited the site and were active there.
- Eventually, if a man paid for enough messages, he’d meet his match. But instead of talking to real women, men were mostly fielding robo-mails from the system that say things like, “Sexicindi has indicated she is interested in someone just like you. You should send her a custom message to connect.”
- Of course, the “custom message” costs money. When he hits reply, the man is redirected to this page, below. [screen capture]
- So the man has to pay to send a message to what is undoubtedly a dead profile. At which point the cycle starts again, with another robo-message from another inactive profile.
In the data dump of Ashley Madison’s internal emails, I found ample evidence that the company was actively paying people to create fake profiles. Sometimes they outsourced to companies who build fake profiles, (Link): like the ones Caitlin Dewey wrote about this week in the Washington Post.
- But many appear to have been generated by people working for Ashley Madison. The company even had a shorthand for these fake profiles—“angels.” Perhaps this is a tip of the hat to Victoria’s Secret models, also known as angels.
- …These emails make clear that the company engaged in a deliberate, elaborate, multi-year campaign to create fake profiles for audiences all over the world. And it was something that many senior employees know about.
- ….“A Female Focused Brand”
- Is it possible that Biderman built a site hoping to attract women, but failed miserably, then tried to hide that fact by creating all those fake profiles?
- Just looking at Ashley Madison advertisements, it’s unclear how exactly he tried to target women. All the ads are aimed at men, and many depict wives as repulsive and terrifying. What woman (especially a married woman) would feel drawn to a site that depicts her that way?
- Plus, it’s kind of a pain in the ass to create an account on Ashley Madison if you’re a woman.
- …That said, I think it’s crucial to keep in mind that my research does not suggest that no women used Ashley Madison. (Link): Jeremy Smith has written a moving essay at San Francisco Magazine about the site’s female users, and I have received about a dozen heartfelt emails from women who used (and enjoyed) Ashley Madison since I published my article yesterday.
- But this anecdotal evidence actually fits what I found in the member database. There were probably thousands of real women active on Ashley Madison at any given time, but they were lost in a sea of lifeless profiles.
- (( click here to read the rest ))
- by C. Clymer
- These are the same people who, because of whatever bullshit “friendzone” grudge they hold against women, seem to gleefully–even obsessively–post stories, anecdotes, videos or whatever about women who have been caught cheating.
- And not because of some moral crusade against infidelity but because they feel the need to control, in however small a way, women’s sexuality. If they’re not getting any, neither should women.
- If they feel they have been denied sex by the women of the world (apparently a collective), they’ll go out of their way to publicly humiliate women in compromising situations.
- Can women be cheating assholes or abusive or simply awful human beings? Of course. Every rational adult knows this.
- But these angry, insecure men who spend their waking hours glued to Reddit and 4chan aren’t rational. They don’t view women as having the potential to be assholes because they’re human beings; they view a woman as an asshole because to them, she’s a product who is expected to perform to their liking. A robot devoid of character and personality, dreams and nightmares, needs and wants.
- This is about a vicious sense of entitlement to women’s minds and bodies by a large population who wield enormous influence over the primary means of communication among human beings.
- It’s not just about hacking a nude photo or revenge porn or the unceasing stream of harassment women receive online.
- It’s also about enabling a culture that communicates to men that it’s perfectly fine to assault, rape, and kill women for not giving you what you want.
- This whole Ashley Madison fiasco is simply another illustration of male entitlement and rage over the loss of that entitlement.
- The BBC has spoken to two women, one whose fiance used the site and one who used it herself.
- Neither wanted to be identified, but their stories give some hint of just how dramatic and wide-reaching the impact of the hack has been.
- The first only wanted to be named as “Maria”. She says she used an online tool to search for her fiance’s email address in the dumped data.
- “I really didn’t think I would find anything on anybody,” she comments.
- She wanted to check, though, because one of her own email accounts had been compromised recently.
- When she entered her fiance’s address as well, the database not only confirmed it was there but it spat back a postcode, city and birthdate. All were accurate.
- …”He denied and denied and denied at first and then he acquiesced and confessed what he did.
- “Yes, (he said) he did have multiple affairs, yes. It just… it came out,” she says.
- Her fiance said that he couldn’t explain fully why he did what he did and that Maria meant more to him than the women he had met on Ashley Madison. But the conversation didn’t last long.
- Maria packed a week’s worth of clothes and left to stay with a friend. The wedding they had been planning is cancelled.
- She has since booked a sexual health check, she says, and tried to distance herself as much as possible from her fiance. The whole experience has been “shattering”, she adds.
- “It’s one thing if you come forward and say I’m not satisfied or I’m not happy or I’m finding it hard to remain faithful – as long as you’re open,” she says.
- “It’s just completely unfair to waste years of a person’s life with duplicity.”
- “By our second anniversary, I was 23 years old and we had completely stopped having sex. My husband was deeply depressed and no matter how hard I tried to fix him, he wasn’t getting better, and he wasn’t showing any signs of desire or intimacy.
- Even though I knew the problem was with him, it sent me into a self-doubting spiral that eventually made me assume something was wrong with me,” said Lisa, who lives in Alabama.
- Lisa said the desire for intimacy led to her Ashley Madison, the website that carries the slogan “Life is short. Have an affair.”
- …Lisa eventually met Paul, a married man who was 15 years older than her. After weeks of cyber flirting, the two met for drinks in a neighboring town then went to a hotel room where they had sex.
- … Lisa met her Ashley Madison connection a few more times before deciding to officially separate from her husband. She continued to use the website to meet other married men and to have affairs.
- Most of the men, she said, told her they loved their wives- “who, in their pictures, were prettier and skinnier than me” – but were bored by their sex lives and used the affairs as a way to spice up their lives.
- Women who cheat are typically looking for attention or to reaffirm their desirability, according to Flores. “It doesn’t mean they actually want to go through with cheating; they may just want to know that they’re still desirable.”
- As a result, simply setting up a profile and receiving messages from men who are interested in an affair can fulfill a woman’s needs and cause her to avoid going through with cheating.
- More than five percent of the overall U.S. population had an Ashley Madison account, and they were mostly men in their early forties who were already in a relationship and looking to cheat (vs. single men looking for a hookup).
- But DadaViz also discovered that at least 1,405 U.S. government employees were confirmed subscribers (using their official e-mail addresses). Thousands of other government employees around the world were also on the site. (The Hill puts the number of U.S. government employees closer to 15,000, but those e-mail addresses have not been verified.)
- Bankers also dig Ashley Madison: A Market Watch report found more than 500 accounts registered to official e-mail addresses at major U.S. banks.
There were also Ashley Madison accounts linked to e-mail addresses from some of the top schools (Cornell was the most popular, followed by Columbia, Stanford, and Harvard).
While licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D, says we don’t know for sure whether these people were high-ranking or powerful (anyone who works for the government can have a .gov e-mail address, for example), she says it helps paint a picture of who was using the site.
“Ashley Madison may have been a more convenient way to cheat for people who did have money,” she says. “Sadly, the very guys who cheat are the ones who are often the most appealing to women because they have swagger.”
But why? Relationship psychologist Karin Anderson, Ph.D., says that rich and powerful men may develop a sense that social norms don’t apply to them and can be more likely to break the rules with behaviors like cheating on a spouse.
- They’re also used to getting their way—especially when it comes to work, she says. If their wives don’t follow what they dictate at home, they may look for a mistress who is more willing to be controlled. A site like Ashley Madison makes it easy and convenient for them to cheat, an added perk when you’re a busy man.
- What are your demographics?
- It’s more about a psychographic than a demographic. The average age of a male on AshleyMadison.com is 41 years old. The average age of women is 34. That doesn’t tell the whole story.
- There are first-time affair seekers who are maybe 31, 32 or 33. It’s not so much a 7-year itch as a 3-4-year itch — that first bump in monogamy after a first child. When your sex life starts to wane. At the other end, we have empty nesters. We have tons of men who love their families, love their partner but look across the table and there’s not that sexual attraction.
- Why do women cheat?
At the heart of it is being the object of desire. Someone thought you were the greatest thing and wanted to spend their life with you.
- Ripping that away from someone feels awful.
- Now they don’t even want to look at you, touch you, talk to you. But you have economic stability — A home. Kids. Family. You don’t want to walk away from that just because you feel less than desired. People think, “I’ll just put myself out there in an anonymous way.” They want to rekindle that object of desire. You’ll often find women seeking this attention by Facebooking with past lovers.
- …Do you let single people in?
- Yes. We didn’t want to close off that community. The most interesting part is that when we first built the service, 98.9 percent of communications by a married woman were to a married man. Now that’s down to 83 percent. 17 percent are to single men! There’s no word for a male mistress — but we’d better find one!
I’m not sure if I agree with this guy’s rationale or not:
(Link): Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (i.e., Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)
(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages