The Cruel, Capricious God of Naive Christians, Concerning Singleness and Marriage – If Only You Had Waited Five More Minutes!
I had tinkered with doing a blog post about this very subject a year or more ago and never got around to it.
(I often have one or two topics mulling in my mind that I would like to blog about but sometimes never get around to writing about them, or only after many months.)
Since I recently addressed this topic in a post on SSB blog, I decided to repeat it here.
I have actually had this happen to me a handful of times on Twitter and Christian forums or blogs.
Someone at the SSB blog, a never married (I believe) adult male who is now past the age of 40 or 50, was remarking how he would have a billion dollars by now, if only he had five dollars every time a Christian had told him since he was a kid, “God will provide you with a spouse.”
I know exactly what he means, because I’ve encountered that cliche’ myself, or seen it repeated in articles for Christian singles many times since I was a kid, too.
Even worse than that is the variation I’ve gotten from one or two other Christians online.
The “If Only You Had Held On, Prayed and/or Trusted and Waited Another ‘X’ Number Minutes, God Was Going to Send You A Spouse” Obnoxious Cliche’
As I remarked on SSB (with a few variations and clarifications added to this version on my blog):
The Christians who utter this variation of the “Trust God to provide you with a spouse” cliche’ tell me not to give up faith in God on this matter right now, because…
(Hold on to your hats!! Get ready!)
What if God was planning on sending me my spouse five minutes from now, and just think,
if only I had held on for another two or five minutes, my dream of marriage would come true!!11!!!1
(I cannot possibly begin to add enough exclamation points to that last statement these types of Christians excitedly quote at me online.)
I don’t find that thought comforting at all, that if only I had waited two more seconds, God would have answered my prayer the way I had hoped and wanted.
On the contrary, it sounds like a cruel and capricious God.
It sounds like something Loki (the prank-pulling deity) from Scandinavian lore would pull on someone.
I don’t want to follow or worship a God who is all like,
- “Christian Pundit,
- I know you prayed to me from a young age for a spouse. But now you’re over 40 and still single.
- “Dang, I was just about to send you a husband at 1:05 P.M. today, but because you gave up, tossed in the towel at 1:04 P.M. today, stopped having faith in me for this right at that time, I am not going to send you that spouse after all. Bazinga!!
- “Just think, if you had had faith for another sixty seconds, I would have answered your prayer in the affirmative.
- “Your loss. Oh so close yet so far away.
- “No banana for you. Wocka Wocka, as Fozzy would say.”
But that is precisely the kind of God some Christians are telling me who I’ve been praying to since my childhood.
That sounds like a jerk God like me, one who withholds help based on a technicality.
Why would I want to trust in or love a God who is so shallow, flippant, and such a huge jerk?
I mean, for reals? God was JUST ABOUT to send me “Mr. Right” but shucky darn, the split second before God was about to cross my path with “Mr. Right” because I gave up, God was all,
- “Nah, not anymore. I know she’s prayed pretty consistently for 3 or 4 decades for this, but because she gave up three seconds or five minutes before the time I had appointed, I’m breaking this thing off.”
That sounds like a real A-hole to me, not a loving, gracious God.
I’m sorry I don’t have anything more thoughtful or insightful to say on this.
It just really bugs me that Christians are promoting this type of thinking, and if God is really like this, he sounds like a real jerk, a creep, and a real loser.
And this is the sort of thing I’ve heard from Christians a small number of times in the last few years.
That they think God was going to give me a spouse, but because I gave up and had doubts or frustrations, God decided at two seconds before the appointed time I was to meet Mr. Right, to instead have my potential future Mr. Right killed in a plane crash, or marry him off to someone else.
Gee muh-nee, no, I don’t want to believe in, trust in, or follow a God who is that cruelly anal retentive. I’m having a hard time seeing that sort of God they are hyping match up with the God of the Bible who was sometimes very forgiving of people, despite their doubts and lack of faith at times.
(Link): What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue)