Men Offer Abhorrent Excuses For Killing Women. Don’t Repeat Them. By M. Jeltsen (Including guy who says he killed his girlfriend because she said her ex’s name during sex)

Men Offer Abhorrent Excuses For Killing Women. Don’t Repeat Them- editorial by M. Jeltsen (Including guy who says he killed his girlfriend because she said her ex’s name during sex)

I understand that there is no justification for a man murdering his wife or girlfriend, and so the author of the Huffington Post page I link to below asks people not to repeat the abuser’s claim. I understand her perspective.

For the purposes of my blog, however, since I often discuss singleness and celibacy, as well as the benefits of being a single celibate, I do like to point out that if you’re a single celibate, your chance of getting killed by a lover – or during a sex act are zero.

I think this author’s editorial (linked to and excerpted farther below) also makes a case for why it’s not so bad to be a single celibate.

(Link): ‘Monster’ disembowels girlfriend after she calls out ex-husband’s name during sex: police

(Link):  Florida man disemboweled girlfriend after she cried out ex’s name during sex: cops 

  • A south Florida man charged with murdering his girlfriend admitted to disemboweling her with his bare hands after she twice cried out her ex-husband’s name during sex, police said.
  • …He then returned to 31-year-old Maria Nemeth, who was lying unconscious on the floor, and proceeded to sexually mutilate her — first with various objects, then by inserting his arm into her, up to his elbow.Once inside he said he proceeded to rip out part of her intestines.

(Link):  Men Offer Abhorrent Excuses For Killing Women. Don’t Repeat Them. by M. Jeltsen

  • On Sunday, Fidel Lopez, a 24-year-old South Florida man, was charged with murder after he confessed to penetrating his girlfriend Maria Nemeth with various objects without her consent and then disemboweling her with his bare hands.
  • He told police that his murderous attack was triggered when Nemeth called out her former husband’s name while they were having sex.
  • Many media outlets ran with his claim as fact, using headlines like “Man Disembowels Girlfriend For Screaming Out Another Man’s Name During Sex.” The story had all the sensational elements: graphic violence, an alleged betrayal and everyone’s favorite topic, sex.
  • But the truth is, we have no idea if the victim did actually scream her former partner’s name during sex. All we know is that her alleged killer claims she did. Even if it is true, it’s a ludicrous excuse for violence.
  • “Partner-killers often fabricate stories to justify the murders,” said David Adams, a domestic violence expert who has (Link): written critically about media coverage of intimate partner violence. “[Media reports] take the killer’s comments at face value, as if there is a logical connection there, as opposed to recognizing that it’s actually irrelevant. It’s irresponsible reporting.”

  • It’s not unusual for men who kill women to come up with bizarre “reasons” to explain their actions. A quick Google search will bring up a slew of similar stories:
  • [Off site links]:
  • Man Kills Wife Over Hamburger
    Police: Woman Killed For Taking Call During Sex
    Man Brutally Kills Wife Over Facebook Obsession
    Police: Man Kills Wife After Dog Poops In Home
    Man Strangled Girlfriend Over Obit, Cops Say
    Man Shoots Girlfriend For Not Taking The Possibility Of A Zombie Apocalypse Seriously
  • These headlines were likely written with the intention of highlighting the absurdity of the killers’ claims, but ultimately they reinforce the notion that the women played a role in their own deaths.
  • Todd Gitlin, professor of journalism and sociology at Columbia University, said that media outlets should attribute the source of any such information in headlines. For example, headlines around Nemeth’s murder should make crystal clear that the claim that the victim said her ex’s name was made solely by the alleged killer and not backed up by any other evidence.
  • Moreover, Gitlin said he didn’t think it was ethical to give Lopez’s claim validity in the headline,
  • as the alleged killer (Link): changed his story during his interview with the police. Lopez initially claimed that he and his girlfriend had rough but consensual sex, before he eventually confessed to the murder.
  • About three women a day are killed by their intimate partners in the U.S., according to (Link):  Bureau of Justice statistics. Adams said it’s a serious misunderstanding of the nature of domestic violence to say that one single event — like serving an undercooked hamburger or accidentally saying your ex’s name — caused a homicide. “It removes the whole element of choice,” he said.
  • Instead of simply repeating what the killer claims, Adams said, journalists should be asking if the perpetrator has a history of abuse and looking for patterns of behavior. Domestic homicides don’t usually come out of nowhere. There are often red flags before women are murdered. Most killers don’t just “snap,” despite media coverage to the contrary.
  • There’s also a calculated reason a killer might claim that he “snapped” because of something the victim did, according to Adams. If the perpetrator can argue that he flew into a spontaneous rage because of the victim’s actions, he has a better chance of getting his charges reduced from first-degree, premeditated murder to second-degree murder.
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