Weird, Sexist PreOccupation with Female Physical Appearance, Including Christian Males – vis a vis Preacher Doug Wilson

Weird, Sexist PreOccupation with Female Physical Appearance, Including Christian Males – vis a vis  Preacher Doug Wilson

I have blogged on this subject before, or something very similar to it, the weird and worn preoccupation with Christian men with women’s looks and sexuality. Of course, Non Christian men can be just as bad about this and sometimes are.

One of the reasons I am writing this blog post is due to this recent post at Christianity Today:

-But more on that specific post farther below.

There was recently a story in the media about two or three weeks ago about a woman on a site, Linked In, which is a site for professionals to network. This woman received a response from a much-older man on that site who told her how attractive she was in her Linked In site photo.

When this woman wrote him back and told him how sexist and inappropriate his message was, and this story somehow made its way into the public eye, this woman started getting screamed at and criticized by other parties online.

Her story resulted in editorials such as this:

(Link): LinkedIn Is Not a Dating Site (from August or Sept 2015)

  • The case against your dad’s favorite social-media platform being used to “connect” with younger women

The reason I have a difficult time taking articles like the following seriously…

Is precisely because of stuff like this is still taking place:

(Link): LinkedIn Is Not a Dating Site

  • The case against your dad’s favorite social-media platform being used to “connect” with younger women

If we were REALLY living in a society where men were terrified of being accused of sexual harassment by women (especially in the workplace), would we still find men using professional work sites such as Linked In to tell women they don’t even know how gosh-durn sexy – purty they are? No, I think not.

Men are still acting in a sexist and inappropriate fashion towards women, even on professional job-based web sites. Ergo, men cannot be all that afraid of being smacked with sexual harassment labels or lawsuits as the other article is claiming.

That article once more:

Excerpt from that page:

  • Tellingly, Elsesse [female author] adds that companies themselves are contributing to this mess, as they are now so terrified of legal action they send staff on sexual harassment training courses, and are duty-bound to follow up on any allegation, however minor.Ludicrously, Elsesser cites examples of men who have been dragged in by their HR departments for simply opening a door for a female colleague or complimenting her on a new suit. “Stories like these spread around workplaces, instilling a fear that innocent remarks will be misinterpreted,” she says.

Why would a male co-worker find it necessary to tell a female co-worker that her suit is snazzy? Why not instead tell her what a killer job she did on Tuesday’s staff meeting presentation?

You know, praise the woman’s brains, skills, accomplishments or job performance – instead of her appearance?

I am not a left winger, nor am I a secular feminist. I am right wing.

Any time a woman complains about getting a comment about her physical appearance from a man, even if it is a positive comment, my fellow right wingers will howl in protest. They cannot fathom how or why any woman would find getting compliments on her looks to be derogatory, demeaning, unwanted, or annoying.

You are thought to be overly sensitive, or a woman’s studies major who never shaves her arm pits, or a bra-burning, man hating harpy, if you object to a man telling you in any way, shape or form, that you are pretty or sexy.

My fellow right wingers chalk up any female dissent on receiving compliments on looks from a man as being from a left wing, frothing at the mouth, man-hating feminist.

Reminder: I am a right winger who disagrees with secular left wing feminists over 90% (or more) of the time on 90-95% of topics, but on this one, they are totally correct: as a socially conservative, right wing woman, I find it insulting when men call attention to my looks – even in a personal capacity, let alone a professional one.

I don’t like guys on the internet telling me I am hot, sexy, or pretty (which they have done on sites where I have used photos of myself and my real name, and this is not even on dating sites), nor do I enjoy men I don’t know in stores or streets cat-calling me or making comments about my appearance.

Hell, I grew to resent my ex fiance’s continual ‘You are so beautiful’ comment to be tiresome. I asked him several times to stop commenting on my looks, and that if he wanted to praise me, to do so based on some other quality, like my achievements at my job, my sense of humor – anything but my looks.

But the moron would never do it. It made me feel as though he only valued me for my looks, not my personality or anything else I brought to the table (well, he did love my bank account).

In my particular case, I was an ugly duckling as a kid -by some people’s standards- when I was a pre-teen. I was picked on.

I eventually slimmed down, got contact lenses, started wearing mascara, and boom, the male gender suddenly changed their minds about me. I really don’t like being judged or valued primarily or solely upon my physical appearance, but this has happened repeatedly from my teen years into my adult years.

Men don’t get this, they do not comprehend it. They don’t seem to care to know what it feels like to be accepted or rejected based on their looks alone (or primarily), yet this happens to women from the time we are girls and only grows worse as we get to our pre-teen and teen years and older.

It’s very frustrating and dehumanizing to be evaluated only on your physical appearance. Not to have people notice your intellect, your wit, your talents, your skills, to be appreciated for YOU, for who you are, not for what you look like.

One of the things I find annoying about the usual right wing, anti-feminist come-back to women who object to receiving comments from men about their looks is that such women should chill out and learn to appreciate a compliment.

One of the objections I have to that position: it assumes I need or want male validation and at that, for my appearance, and in a job setting.

However, I do not need or want a man’s validation about my physical appearance, especially not in a work-related context.

Most men think that I (or women in general) want or need their validation, especially in regards to their physical looks, which is one reason of several they feel fine telling a complete stranger, a woman they’ve never met before, that she is pretty, sexy, beautiful, or hot.

What I cannot figure out is why should I be flattered that some random guy on a web site, sidewalk, or a bar finds me attractive?

For the first part of my life, males tossed sticks and rocks at me and told me I was ugly. But now I’m being told I should be grateful if they find me attractive.

All of this presupposes that women should be valued and judged only for their physical appearance in the first place, that their worth should be weighed by if males find them attractive or not. That is a very condescending attitude. I don’t want any part of it.

All of that brings us to this by K S Prior:

(Link):  Pastors, Power, and Prettiness by Karen Swallow Prior 

She was moved to write this in response to some obnoxious writing by Doug Wilson, whom I’ve written of before in these posts on my own blog:

Doug Wilson, other than thinking it fine to marry a known pedophile to a young lady, is sexist and fairly regularly comments on the physical appearances of women on his blog.

Other than K S Prior, other bloggers have taken Wilson to task for this obnoxious behavior of his, such as:

I think it says something about the state of Christianity in America today, and of Doug Wilson in particular, that Wilson does frequently comment on women’s looks in his blog posts, and what it’s saying is not good. It’s emblematic of sexism in the church and in society.

I would just encourage you to read the page by Prior:

(Link):  Pastors, Power, and Prettiness by Karen Swallow Prior 

Here are a few excerpts from that page:

  • …Waxing effusive on the physical appearance of the women observed around town, at the airport, or at Christian conferences is inappropriate behavior for a godly pastor and leader, a husband, father, and grandfather. It serves to cultivate the insecurity and vanity most of us as women struggle with and puts too much attention on outer appearance at the expense of the whole person. Moreover, it sets a dangerous example for other men and other pastors to follow. It’s a danger borne out in graver issues surrounding Wilson, which Rod Dreher (Link): addressed and others have brought to light, making this post seem a bit like complaining the coffee is too hot because the restaurant is on fire.
  • …If the purpose of Wilson’s post were pastoral, an attempt to offer instruction to women about the connection between inner and outer beauty, then we should remember that while the Apostles address this topic in Scripture, those same Scriptures assign the task of teaching the younger women these matters to older (Link): women—and for good reason. Like the student who complained about the professor, I would be uncomfortable going to a church where I thought the pastor sized up the women by their appearance.

    And while (Link): Beauty, being rooted in the same (Link): absolutes that have their source in Truth and Goodness, is not entirely in the eye of the beholder, “pretty” is. One man may think a woman in a flannel shirt and a pixie haircut is pretty, while another prefers one wearing a denim jumper and a spiral perm—and that’s no one’s business but that man’s (and his wife’s, perhaps).

Secular society and secular men judge women on their looks enough as it is – on the streets, in magazines, in workplaces – I don’t think women need more of that in churches, Christian books, from Christian preachers or in Christian magazines.

On A Related Note…..

Doug Wilson’s horrible views about women have been spread to his family. He has a daughter who has bought into Dad’s sexism, thinking it biblical, and she writes defending it. She wrote a few blog posts, which got responses from Christian blogger Jory Michah, links here:

(Link):  An Open Letter to Rebekah Merkle (Doug Wilson’s Daughter)

(Link):  Open Letter #2 to Rebekah Merkle (Doug Wilson’s Daughter)

(Link):  Open Letter #3 to Rebekah Merkle (Doug Wilson’s Daughter)


Related Posts:

(Link):  The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Many Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sex / Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex

(Link): Patriarchy / Gender Complementarian Product for Females: Don’t Base Your Value on Your Looks, but Wait, Yes, You Should

(Link):  Marriage is Not A Cure For Pedophilia, Making a Joke of Marriage: Christian Preacher Marries A Known Pedophile To Young Woman, Pedophile Then Apparently Molests His Own Biological Infant Son By That Woman

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin