Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait
Good for her. I don’t have the heart to read the comments on the page (on the Daily Mail site), however. If they are supportive of her, that would be great, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a large number mock and ridicule her for her choice.
I’m still trying to understand how it is most Western nations and cultures tolerate, or beg tolerance, for about any and all expressions of sexual behavior and sexual choices except for celibacy, virginity, or more conservative sexual behaviors.
Sex does mean a little more to some of us than the rest of society.
I think it’s rather sad we are living in such a hyper sexualized world that someone who is either a virgin, a celibate, or just wants to wait for sex, is considered an oddity or a weirdo.
The main link in this post is to a page on the Daily Mail, but they got their story idea from this page at Cosmo:
(Link): Don’t Judge Me Because I Wait to Have Sex by S. Weiss
- Women should not be judged for sleeping with people quickly, but they shouldn’t be judged for waiting either
(Link): Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘for Fun’ – Daily Mail
Suzannah Weiss, from New York City, tried casual sex in college but craved emotional and intellectual stimulation, too
She doesn’t fault other women for having casual sex, but says intimacy is more fulfilling for her after she gets close with a man
The longest she’s gone before sleeping with a boyfriend is ten months, and she insists the guys she meets are all on-board with her pace
By CARLY STERN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM
One 25-year-old woman says the reason that she isn’t quick to hop into bed with a new guy isn’t because she’s a virgin, or religious, or a prude. It’s because – call her old fashioned – she wants more than just sex.
Suzannah Weiss, from New York City, is totally open to talking about sex and wants women’s sexuality to be destigmatized. She just isn’t look for a hook-up.
‘I don’t believe that sex is just for fun,’ she wrote in an essay for (Link): Cosmopolitan.com. ‘For me, at least, it’s spiritual, it’s emotional, and it’s a chance to get closer to someone. And developing a physical relationship before I’m close to someone can confuse matters, making me see my partner through rose-colored glasses and feel committed before I should.’
That doesn’t mean that Suzannah is waiting for marriage – or is, by any means, a ‘prude’. She tried casual sex at her ‘extremely liberal college’ – where, she said, her classmates treated the idea that someone might want to wait to have sex with contempt. She’d even been to a sex party.
But while casual sex was ‘physically enjoyable’, Suzannah craved ‘a deeper, more wholesome connection’. She wanted emotional and intellectual stimulation, too.
After finding that with a college boyfriend, she couldn’t go back to hook-ups. Now, she’s up front about the fact that she wants to get to know someone before having sex, even writing that she’s ‘not looking for hook-ups’ prominently in her Tinder profile.
And that hasn’t stopped the flow of matches sending her messages.
‘I have met plenty of guys who feel the same ways as me,’ she told Daily Mail Online. ‘If they’re also looking for a serious relationship and not just a hook-up buddy, they will also want the physical and emotional relationship to evolve at the same pace so that there can be a solid foundation.’
She went on: ‘Even when people have had a different idea of how quickly the physical relationship should evolve, they have been happy to wait until I’m comfortable. Who, after all, would want to hook-up with someone who is uncomfortable? Not someone I can trust.’
Suzannah said that most men ‘have been respectful enough to not make a move until they get a clear sign from me or I make the first move myself’ – which can mean a first kiss isn’t always on the first date.
‘I’ve kissed on the first date. But only if I am truly into it,’ she said. ‘I’ll never do something just because I feel like I should or a certain amount of time has passed.’
And as for the actual sex part? That can take a while. With one ex-boyfriend, she waited ten whole months to do the deed, writing for PopSugar that they both held off until saying ‘I love you’.
Though she admits that she wouldn’t want to wait that long again, she doesn’t regret it – even if ‘resisting the physical temptation’ was hard – because it was ‘extra meaningful’ when they finally did sleep together.
But while the men she’s dated have been cool about her desire to wait, she does come up against some uncomfortable conversations. Some friends, even those who call themselves feminists, often ask her whether she has slept with a new date yet, and will quiz her on the hows and why when she admits she hasn’t.
‘Young women get two conflicting messages from society: that we have to adapt to hook-up culture, and that if we participate in hook-up culture, we are sluts,’ she wrote for Cosmo. ‘I oppose both. While I currently get flak for rejecting casual sex, I also know what it’s like to receive judgment for being sexually active.’
She doesn’t think that all women should reject casual sex – in fact, she believes every woman should do whatever she feels comfortable with – but she also wishes that it wasn’t so confusing for people that a woman can be open and honest about sex without wanting to have it without a deep connection.
‘Women are labeled as either “prudes” who don’t enjoy sex, or “sluts” who are sexual not for themselves but to please men. My sexuality is mine alone, and I decide what I do with it and when I do it,’ she concluded. ‘I am unabashed and unashamed about my sexual desires. I just don’t want to share them with someone I don’t feel comfortable with and committed to.’