Your Husband’s Infidelity Is Not Your Fault by J. Roys
Ah yes, Christian culture is quite fond of blaming WOMEN for the sexual sins of men, even though the the Bible teaches that each individual is responsible for his or her own sins.
Oddly, some strains of Christianity – especially gender complementarian Christianity – teach that husbands will be held accountable in some fashion for the sins of their wives before God in the afterlife (again, the Bible nowhere teaches this), but then, some of these same guys will turn around and pin the blame for a man’s sexual sins (extra marital affairs, porn use, whatever) on the wife!
At the end of the day, if a husband has an affair, that sin is on him and him alone, even if his wife displeases him in some way.
I am assuming that the following editorial by J. Roys may be in reaction to stories such as these:
- (Link): Michelle Duggar Urges Women To Have Sex Even If Exhausted — Dissing Anna Duggar? – Hollywood Life site
- (Link): Michelle Duggar Writes New Blog Post Encouraging Women to Be ‘Joyfully Available’ to Have Sex with Husbands, Even While Pregnant – People magazine site
- (Link): Duggar Pastor to Married Couples: Have Lots of Sex or Lose your Spouse to the ‘Sexual Revolution’ – (A Brief Critique of This View) – (on this blog)
(Link): Your Husband’s Infidelity Is Not Your Fault by J. Roys
- Adultery comes from a greedy heart, not an insufficient wife.
- by Julie Roys, guest writer
- …For Duggar, the remarks weren’t as direct. Following the Ashley Madison leak, her husband, Josh, admitted to several affairs and a porn addiction. Then, the Duggars’ family pastor in Arkansas addressed the leak in (Link): a sermon on infidelity. “If a husband or wife fails to keep his or her partner happy sexually they are opening themselves up to the attack of the enemy,” he said. “And that enemy is going to take your spouse away from you.”
- A recent blog post from Anna Duggar’s mother-in-law Michelle carries that implication. When asked to share marital advice, the mom of 19 said that wives should always be available to meet their husbands’ sexual needs, even when they are exhausted or pregnant.
- ..these stories caught my attention because I have heard this blame-the-wife rationale expressed both inside and outside the church.
- … But it’s ludicrous to believe that Anna was responsible for Josh’s immorality. He admitted to molesting five girls when he was a teenager, including two of his sisters. …
Even if both these men had squeaky clean backgrounds prior to marriage, the idea that their wives bear responsibility for their infidelity can be found nowhere in Scripture.
Instead, this narrative seems a horribly misogynistic strategy to use fear of infidelity to compel women to submit to their husband’s sexual advances, regardless of their feelings or physical limitations. This has nothing to do with Christian marriage, and actually violates the nature of marriage itself.
His Sin, His Responsibility
- Blaming a woman for a man’s sin is as old as the Garden of Eden. When God confronted Adam for eating the apple, Adam immediately blamed Eve. “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
- Here, Adam is speaking truthfully: Eve had sinned first and given Adam the apple to eat. Scripture doesn’t indicate that Eve’s sin, which certainly influenced Adam, absolves him of responsibility. On the contrary, God curses both, showing that each is responsible for his or her own behavior.
Psalm 62:12 says, “You reward everyone according to what they have done.”
- His Sin, His Responsibility
Blaming a woman for a man’s sin is as old as the Garden of Eden. When God confronted Adam for eating the apple, Adam immediately blamed Eve. “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
Here, Adam is speaking truthfully: Eve had sinned first and given Adam the apple to eat. Scripture doesn’t indicate that Eve’s sin, which certainly influenced Adam, absolves him of responsibility.
On the contrary, God curses both, showing that each is responsible for his or her own behavior.
Psalm 62:12 says, “You reward everyone according to what they have done.” This is repeated in Proverbs 24:12: “Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?” And again, in Romans 2:6-8: “God ‘will repay each person according to what they have done.’” Clearly, no amount of mitigating circumstances changes our personal responsibility for our sin.
Lust Is Insatiable
One of the prostitutes whom Odom hired said she was (Link): summoned to his room six times in one day, and Odom reportedly ingested several doses of so-called “performance enhancing supplements.”
And Duggar not only reportedly had numerous (Link): sexual encounters with a prostitute and sought other women on Ashley Madison, but also confessed to indulging in pornography.
This seemingly insatiable appetite for sex is common among men who stray because they have exchanged lust for love as the purpose of sex. And, like all sin, the more lust is indulged, the less it satisfies.
“Lust is not the result of an overactive sex drive,” says pastor and author Richard Exley. “If it were, then it could be satisfied with a sexual experience, like a glass of water quenches thirst or a good meal satisfies appetite. But the more we attempt to appease our lust, the more demanding it becomes. There simply is not enough erotica in the world to satisfy lust’s insatiable appetite.”
This is why wives simply offering sex as frequently as their husbands request it does not ensure fidelity.
…Any solutions to adultery must address the husband’s problem rather divert attention to the wife he’s betrayed. The husband needs to learn to follow Christ’s example and cherish his wife as his beloved. This means respecting her own desires and being more eager to give than to receive.
Loving Relationship, Not a Service Contract
In Michelle Duggar’s framework, marriage sounds like some kind of service agreement where a wife offers her husband sex and in return, he offers her a listening ear.
…However, Scripture presents us with a different view of marriage and sex.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul teaches that husbands and wives should maintain a regular sexual relationship and that their bodies belong to each other. Sex is described as mutually giving—not as something the wife one-sidedly performs for her husband in return for something else. That’s because marriage is supposed to reflect the life and love of the Trinity.
(Link): Christian Personality, Blogger, and Author Tony Jones Uses Lame, Unbiblical Excuse to Rationalize His Adultery – He Calls His Mistress His Spiritual Wife, According to Various Online Blogs and Sites
(Link): “I found that the abuse began or escalated when the men became Christians … When rigid traditional family values are combined with rigid traditional religious beliefs, there is always abuse.” (by B H Brennen)
(Link): Ex-Church Usher Found Guilty of Hiring Hitman to Kill His Wife So He Can Pursue Kinky Sexual Lifestyle With His Mistress (the guy in this story is married AND is a parent)