Why are young feminists so clueless about sex? by M. Wente
There were maybe two or three points in this I’m not sure I agree with totally, but I agreed with most of the points this page was making.
I really don’t buy into the notion that most women like casual sex or want it. Nor am I convinced that it’s “feminist” or “pro woman” to brainwash girls and women to feel as though they MUST have sex if they are to be truly “liberated” or empowered or whatever terminology feminists use.
One reason of several I have abstained sexually for as long as I have was in revolt against the feminism I grew up with in the 1980s and 90s, where feminists lectured girls like me that we SHOULD be having sex, and casual sex, and lots of it (and we should totally be groovy with it, and if we weren’t having sex, there was something wrong with us).
I found their preachy, judgmental stance about sex off putting. It’s my body and my sexuality to do with as I please, so who are secular feminists to shame or scold me for not wanting to “put out”? Who are they to tell me what my personal boundaries and comfort levels should be concerning dating and sex?
I think a lot of secular feminists don’t realize that in some ways, at times, they can be just as bad and judgmental about women’s sexuality and life choices as groups they protest against (such as far right wing Republicans, conservative Christians, etc).
Here’s the link – like I said, I agree with most of this page but maybe not every single point:
(Link): Why are young feminists so clueless about sex? by M. Wente
Ironically, today’s feminists are serious about consent but casual about sex.
And to their shock, they’ve discovered that there’s an awful lot of bad sex out there. They did not expect this. They’ve been told they are supposed to be having a super-positive sex life – unconflicted, joyous, casual and abundant.
They’ve been told they should be able to have as many partners and initiate sex just as often as men do. And they’ve tried that. And it hasn’t worked out very well. Instead of feeling super-positive, they feel sexually dissatisfied, emotionally disconnected and more than a little used.
The surprise is that so many young women are surprised by this. Haven’t they watched Girls?
The trouble isn’t men, of course. Nor is it the culture. The trouble is that these women have been sold a lie. They’ve been told that the profound sexual and behavioural differences between men and women are merely matters of individual preference, which would largely dissolve if we ever managed to shed our noxious cultural baggage.
…Eventually men will bond with you, of course, and everything will change, and they will be willing, even eager, to faithfully protect you and your babies. But until that happens you really can’t expect much from them.
I know all of this is a cliché. But it’s also true.
…Many of us learned this stuff the hard way, at the dawn of the feminist revolution. The 1970s were paradise for men. They told us that if we didn’t sleep with them we must be unliberated and sexually uptight. I can’t tell you how many women swallowed this cow manure before we smartened up.
But now, young women are peddling this manure to themselves. In a world that’s already disturbingly oversexualized, they insist that sexual display and promiscuity (dare I use that word?) are synonymous with female empowerment.
These days, in fact, sexual restraint is a sign that something must be wrong with you. Last week, a young woman named Ali Rachel Pearl confessed in an (Link): essay in The New York Times that she hadn’t had sex for two whole years. She can’t really explain why. There was a guy who broke her heart, and so on. It turns out that this strange condition even has a name – “secondary abstinence.” As she tells it, her friends are aghast. “How can you go so long?” they ask. “Get rid of your hang-ups.” “Be more open.” “Stop being afraid.” They all feel sorry for her.
It’s so old-fashioned – this bizarre notion that maybe you should feel some attachment to the person you are sleeping with. Too old-fashioned for our most progressive and enlightened young women, who, I’m afraid, are in for a world of unnecessary hurt. If only feminists would smarten up about sex, our daughters – and our sons – would be a lot better off.
(Link): The Myth of Safe Sex by D. Foley