Girl On Fire! #SingleWithLeah
Much of what this early 30s, single Christian women describes can apply to anyone over 35 as well.
I too, like Leah, have noticed that a lot of advice – not just secular dating advice, but sadly, Christian dating advice – is contradictory and can make a woman feel as though she is flawed, that there must be something wrong with her that she needs to change, hide, or downplay, if she is to ever attract a guy, or that she is still single.
Leah describes herself as being chubby in this post – I think that’s a photo of her on the top of the page (on the blog linked to below), but she looks okay to me.
Like her, I’m not totally sure why I’m still single. I can guess – for one thing, I was for years, until recently, holding out for a Christian guy to marry, but in my 20s and 30s, there were never any single Christian guys my age at churches I went to, and the ones on the dating sites were vulgar losers. That’s just one reason or guess as to why I’m still single.
But in the end scheme of things, I don’t know why I’m still single. It’s not because I’m an ogre, have three heads, or am flawed past all hope. A lot of Christians will just insultingly assume if you never married, or don’t marry until you are age 35 or older, it must be because there is something wrong with you.
Anyway, here are a few excerpts:
(Link): Girl On Fire! #SingleWithLeah – from Jory Michah’s blog
- I’m Leah, and these are the things that people have told me that I am “too” much of. These are the reasons, according to the general public, why I am single. Too pretty? What in the the actual frick? Yes, somebody told me that. These are the reasons why I am “alone” and “childless” and “empty” and “a little bit chubby.”
- …So why am I single? The honest answer is that I don’t even know.
- I would hands down, 1000%, date me. I think the spiritual answer would be because “God hasn’t brought me the right person yet,” but I don’t even know if that’s the reason.
- …But why? Why do we put these limitations on people? And this isn’t just for women, but for men, too. Why do we tell people to completely alter who they are to get a boyfriend or girlfriend? Do we realize the mixed messages that we are sending? Do we realize the lasting damage that this can cause?
- Why am I applauded for being smart, but not applauded if I am smarter than my partner? Why am I praised for being confident and self-assured, but am told to “tone it down” and become more needy and dependent if I want a husband? Why am I looked upon as a role model for my healthy body image, but told to lose a few pounds to score a guy?
((please click here to read the rest of her post, on Jory Michah’s blog))
(Link): ‘Why Are You Single’ Lists That Do Not Pathologize Singles by Bella DePaulo
(Link): Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear
(Link): Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages
(Link): Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even Celebrities Have A Hard Time
(Link): Depressing Testimony: “I Was A Stripper but Jesus Sent Me A Great Christian Husband”
(Link): Some Christians Have Some Very Strange, Unsettling, Creepy, or Authoritarian Ideas About Marriage, Divorce, or Mate Selection – and they think they should make your life choices for you
(Link): Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work
(Link): A Critique of – 10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry by J. Lee Grady / And on Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians
(Link): Annoyances of Being a Christian Single
(Link): Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault
(Link): List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 1
(Link): List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 2
(Link): Topics Preachers Should or Shouldn’t Mention When Discussing Singlehood
(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians | Re: Marriage Not Happening for Hetero-sexual Christians Over the Age of 30
(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single
(Link): To Get Any Attention or Support from a Church These Days you Have To Be A Stripper, Prostitute, or Orphan
(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings
(Link): Unmarried / Single People Are Supposedly Bitter & Have Too Much Baggage – and that’s why you’re still single they say
(Link): Another Obnoxious ‘Why You’re Not Married Yet‘ Article
(Link): A Long Time Single Responds to a ‘Why You’re Not Married’ Article
(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40
(Link): Slut? Selfish? Sad? No, just a single woman (editorial)
(Link): 34 Year Old Single Woman Harassed by Relatives at Wedding Over Why She Is Not Married Yet Asks How To Get Them to STFU About Her Singleness
(Link): I’m Single, But I’m Still a Whole Person (article)
(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents
(Link): World’s Most Interesting Singles Discussion at Ship of Fools forum