Mom Is Ashamed of 30-Something Daughters Who’ve Never Been Married or Dated
From a November 2015 Ask Amy column.
I have two adult daughters, ages 32 and 36. Both are cute, intelligent and kind, and yet neither one has had a boyfriend — or has even gone out on a date — for five years.
Although friends and family have frequently offered to fix them up with people, both daughters have always refused, and now people have stopped offering.
Neither daughter will use an online dating program, although they both know of friends and family who have met their spouse/significant other this way.
This is a very sensitive topic for both of my daughters. They overreact strongly when I try to bring up the subject, telling me to “mind my own business.”
Both are lonely (yes, they have said so) and miss not having a guy in their lives. My daughters know their sexuality doesn’t matter one way or the other to me, but they are both heterosexual.
Is there anything I can say that would help them take some chances on meeting the right guy — or even just to go out and have some fun?
Mom of Two Lonely Hearts
Before I paste in Amy’s response to this (I don’t always agree with Amy, but her advice to this butt-insky Mom is right on the money), I don’t understand parts of this Mom’s letter, such as this:
My daughters know their sexuality doesn’t matter one way or the other to me, but they are both heterosexual.
What does that even mean? That if her daughters were lesbian, she would be okay with them being lonely and single?
Anyway, here is Amy’s reply.
Mom of Two Lonely Hearts:
If your daughters said, “Mom, we’re all out of ideas. What can we do to increase our chances of meeting guys?” then you would weigh in with all of your (excellent) ideas.
But they’re not saying this. Instead they are telling you to mind your own business.
And so, out of respect for them, that is exactly what you should do.
I suggest you stop seeing them as flawed and/or failed, and find a way to love them just as they are — lovely, kind and guy-less. If they are sticks in the proverbial mud, encourage them to maximize their potential in every area of their lives — personal and professional. Life is short. Fun is necessary.