Why Are Christian Guys Silent About Abstinence? by C. Hill
The link to the editorial by C. Hill is much farther down the page. I wanted to spend several paragraphs discussing the editorial itself before linking to it.
I sometimes wonder if authors on sites such as Christianity Today or Christian Post read my blog or comments I’ve left on other blogs (under other names or sometimes under the “Christian Pundit” moniker), because some of the points this guy makes are ones that I have made before, that I have not seen other writers make.
One such point: we live in a culture that increasingly demands that we respect everyone else’s sexual behavior and choices, everything from having pre-marital sex, to having homosexual sex, to engaging in adultery.
I’ve even seen increased acceptance of Asexuality.
However, if one is a heterosexual with a normal sex drive and interest in sex who never the less chooses to refrain from sex (i.e., to stay a virgin or be celibate), and especially if one is past one’s mid or late 20s age-wise, one is judged, mocked, or condemned by that same culture.
That is, the same people demanding that I, a hetero celibate / virgin, respect or applaud homosexuality or adultery, are the very same people who would make fun of a person or criticize them for being a virgin over the age of 18 or 25, or being celibate, if having been sexually active before. It’s a very hypocritical position and one that is common, but it’s seldom a point I’ve seen called out by others.
Overall, I feel this is a solid editorial by Hill, well written, makes other decent points, but I have to disagree with the male author’s (Hill’s) take on female virginity.
Female virginity, contrary to what Hill writes below and in his editorial, is NOT valued or respected these days, not even among Christians. (I’ve written of that very topic before (Link): Here. In brief: women virgins and women celibates also get mocked and criticized both within the church and outside of it for being a virgin or being celibate.)
(Link): Why Are Christian Guys Silent About Abstinence? by C. Hill
- …. Even as our culture increasingly emphasizes individual choice and freedom, encouraging young people to honor their bodies and wait until they are ready before having sex, most of that messaging isn’t geared toward my demographic. People largely assume that all college-aged men have already had sex, since (Link): most of them have.
- And here’s the thing: Even as a male student at a conservative Christian university, I still see male virginity carry a stigma. That’s how pervasive our society’s messaging about sex is.
- It’s well-noted how often sexuality over-determines a woman’s reputation; a woman who maintains her purity is characterized as pure and honorable, while one who loses her virginity before marriage or sleeps with many people is deemed loose and immoral (or worse, “damaged goods”). Male sexuality doesn’t line up with this dichotomy as much, even in Christian circles.
- …Some Christian students secretly mock the expectation of virginity, implying that sex is a rite of passage for young men, and that those of us who abstain are missing out. Given that so much of the conversation around purity remains focused on women, many guys hesitate to bring up the topic in small groups or prayer circles—afraid that admitting their struggle makes them weak.
- …In my experience, virginity and the struggle for sexual purity isn’t the kind of ongoing lesson in discipleship that it needs to be. Even when our pastors and leaders continue to teach about virginity, it rarely comes up in our peer groups.
- …Sex is awkward enough to talk about without the pressures of opening up to a pastor. I want to hear more about virginity from men my age—who are empathetic and understand the situation, who are eager to lead others in their walk with the Lord.
- When we continue to hear society tell us we are “less of a man” for being virgins—and fail to receive a counter-message of encouragement from our brothers in Christ—it keeps men from opening up about their struggles. I believe our silence over male virginity can make them think that it’s not worth it.
(Link): Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (ie, Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)
(Link): Typical Erroneous Teaching About Adult Celibacy Rears Its Head Again: To Paraphrase Speaker at Ethics and Public Policy Center: Lifelong Celibacy is “heroic ethical standard that is not expected of heteros, so it should not be expected of homosexuals”
(Link): Long Editorial about Virginity at CT – Don’t Blame Evangelicals for the Cult of the Virgin – I Notice It’s the Fornicators Who Want to Ignore or Downplay the Bible’s Teaching that People Are To Stay Virgins Until Marriage
(Link): Jesus Christ was not afraid to meet alone with known Prostitutes / Steven Furtick and Elevation Church Perpetuating Anti Singles Bias – ie, Single Women are Supposedly Sexual Temptresses, All Males Can’t Control Their Sex Drives – (but this view conflicts with evangelical propaganda that married sex is great and frequent)
(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both