My Online Dating Experiment by C. Lloyd (Christian Author)
You see how the author of the following piece says men are too picky and discriminatory about age on dating sites? That’s why, if you are a woman, you should subtract ten to fifteen years off your true age when you put your age on a dating site.
However, I will not date men who are more than five, six years my junior, so should any super young guys contact me on dating sites, I don’t contact them back. I’ve written about all that in prior posts, so I won’t get into that here.
The lady who wrote this says her female friends (who also did this online dating experience at the same time she did) noticed that the Christian men on Christian dating sites were unattractive.
I’ve noticed that too.
About any time I see Christian men on dating sites or in singles classes at local churches, they tend to look dorky, dweeby, or are obese.
Physical appearance of a man is important to single women, even Christian ones, but you wouldn’t know that fact thanks to all the gender stereotyping garbage that Christian gender complementarians push in their blogs, articles, and sermons, which keep telling Christian men that women are “emotionally wired” and that women don’t care about sex or looks, and that men are supposedly “visually wired” and care about looks.
(Link): My Online Dating Experiment by C. Lloyd
- A few months ago, we asked Carrie Lloyd to delve into the world of online dating. She reveals what it takes for a single Christian woman to hook up via cyberspace.
- … A dedication to online dating, just for you; for this article. Having chatted to the Premier Christianity team, I agreed to experiment in trying to find love in the cyber world, with all its personality filters: lawn game champion, marathoner, political junkie, health nut, zombie survivalist, tree-hugger, vegan, die-hard carnivore, non-believer in cologne (or deodorant), and finally, but importantly for me, just how much are you a Christian – really?
- …Taking the plunge
- So, at 35, and still yet to find the right man to marry, would the online dating world be full of desperate souls seeking marriage so their lives could begin?
- …For two months I would trial online agencies from my current home in a small town in northern California. I also roped in two girlfriends based in London, who are also single, and in their 30s. They agreed to take on the world of online dating from home in the UK.
- I would sign up to both secular and exclusively Christian websites, both paid and free…
Over in London, it seemed my girls were having similar problems. ‘I wish I’d burnt my cash and made a video of it on Instagram instead of waste my time on eHarmony,’ shared one friend. ‘It appears being a Christian is not working on this site. And any of the men I am interested in have probably viewed my profile, discovered that I’m over 30, and clicked off.’ Said friend is 39, and beautiful.
- The three of us had never had an issue with our age, until men on these sites started to highlight it – be it in messages, in conversation, or in their lock-down filters for girls under 29. This process has made me aware that women are often more accepting of age than men are.
- This was confirmed by a survey conducted by OKCupid, which suggested that on average, men aged 20–50 prefer to date a girl in her early 20s.
- Despite having limited the age to 41 on my own filter, the ‘Daddios’ – as old as 57 – were flooding into my inbox.
- By end of week two, I had 62 ‘reasonable matches’ (people who were more than a 60% match).
- But this only happened because I extended the distance range to the whole of the US. Trust me, I was trying hard to not be choosy.
- With the men I did take a shine to, it felt like we had to take exams before we could actually obtain contact. By the fourth step in the process, I was halfway through the first month of my subscription.
- …Christian-only dating sites
- As my London girlfriends and I started trying out exclusively Christian dating sites, such as Christian Connection, ChristianCafe and ChristianCrush, the line ‘Faces that only their mother would love’ was whispered among the three of us. We hoped no one would hear our harsh honesty.
- While many Christians have found long-term love through Christian dating sites, I’ve also heard stories of the same Christian men existing on these sites for years.
- I’ve concluded that the picky ones rarely pick. We’ve all met them… and I’ve dated some.
- Some of them may well have later fled to the Internet in the hope they’d find their wife: soft in character, tall, with model looks, joker, non-smoker, prays in tongues at least 45 minutes a day, preferably a virgin, never confronts but isn’t a pushover… and so the list continues.
- I appreciate the need to have standards when it comes to finding a life partner, but not when we’re unwilling to look at ourselves, or the fear so clearly attached to so many requirements.
- This issue is not applicable purely to online Christian dating, of course, but these dating sites, I’m learning, are often where men with this sort of outlook end up.
- Online dating creates naturally (and thankfully) more options than our local town may provide, which can catalyse the desire to be fine-tuned and higher in goal-setting – and that’s where all this gets interesting.
The danger of the ideal
I generally assumed that men would be fearless when it comes to finding an online mate, but it seems that as they are encouraged to dream up the ideal woman, most of us are sidelined from being a serious option.
- So, I ventured into the world of dating apps, in the hope that the men there wouldn’t take themselves so seriously; that they would make a move, and we could bypass eHarmony’s encyclopedic volume of questions.
- Match.com promised more potential matches for me, and my girls in London finally did get a date or two through it. These came to tepid endings, however; the sparks were missing. It was at least a relief to know that all these profiles do have actual people behind them.
- The three of us discovered that Hinge, Happn and Tinder were now where everyone serious about this stuff seems to roam.
Towards the end of my online dating trial I had some revelation. Neither I nor my two friends had found love. But strangely, I found myself feeling more open to that little thing that I had lost time for due to so much online activity – real life. Appearing in human form for social events, community projects or blind dates suggested by friends made more sense – it was more productive and less isolating.
- And funnily enough, over those two months, male friends became more intriguing. One had known for three years had slowly begun to grow an interest in me. I even dated him a few times, having never before considered romance could be there. Had I gained a new sense of self-awareness?
(Link): Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work