How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)
I am not surprised to see some of these 40 something men, who have never married, pine for a 20 something women – some claiming it’s so they can “start families.”
Hey, sexist, ageist entitled never-married male buffoons: women in their 30s and 40s menstruate and can have babies too, if that’s your thing. See the links below on this page under “Related Posts” for more on that.
But I’d also have to point out that many 20 something women have no desire to marry men over five to ten years their senior. Most women are grossed out by dudes who are ten or more years their senior “hitting on them.”
I’m in my 40s and have no desire to marry or date a 60 something or 70 something dude, yet sometimes, these jokers contact me on dating sites, in spite of the fact my age cap cuts off after about 6 or 7 years my age.
(Link): How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)
- (Related link): More Proof that 40 is the new 30, and Even Men are Doing Life Wrong. Or Something.
- (Related link): Claim: A woman over age 40 has a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than of getting married. Status: False
- It’s not a trick question: There’s a piece in the New York Times about aging single men in their 30s and 40s who are finally ready to settle down, but bummed that it takes actual effort and stuff.
- What shall we do here? A round of sympathy drinks? Or a heartless, sarcastic boo-hoo?
- First, let’s get to know the men (Link): in the piece:
Scott Slattery, 35-year-old communications and marketing consultant
Slattery wants to be a dad but realizes old age is encroaching. “I still want to take care of [my kids] through their entire lives, so I don’t want to be old.”
There are more: Paul Gollash, the 40-year-old who realized in his late thirties that he was “fed up with being single” and so he suddenly had to hit up all the sorts of places he’d never have gone before to do the dreaded mingling, like cocktail parties and work events.
Or Alan Yang, the co-creator of the Aziz Ansari Netflix show Master of None who admitted that it wasn’t until his sister had a baby that it struck him that he might want a family of his own.
Or there’s 44-year-old Paul Morris, who doesn’t want kids, but doesn’t want to be single forever, either. He was out at a bar at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night—trying to be “out there,” and wondering if this was what 44 really looks like.
- ….So, truth be told, it’s easy to mock these guys—careerists out working hard, having fun, seemingly oblivious to the notion that time ticks along for everyone.
- It’s, yes, amusing to see men grappling mid-life with an insight that was tucked into an invisible pamphlet issued at birth to every woman I know. It read: Better lock something down before it’s too late and your looks are all dried up. Women have spent decades fighting this cultural notion of a female expiration date, only to find out that men have one too?
- ….Women are culturally prodded toward relationships from day one—whether by guarding their virginity for true love or simply learning how to be a better, more understanding girlfriend.
- For ages, the success or failure of a relationship was laid entirely at a woman’s door.
- Men, meanwhile, are counseled on how to succeed at everything but relationships. There’s probably more guidance on fantasy football strategies in the world than on being a good boyfriend.
But as we move into our young adult lives in our twenties, it’s only recently that women are being more encouraged to focus on school and career and delay marriage, to date and have fun rather than smile nice at the guy next to you at college orientation just in case he might just be your future husband.
It’s astonishing to be reminded that for men, it’s possible to have a decades-long break of skipping out on this concern.
On one hand, I’m jealous, but there’s also a mild bit of schadenfreude about listening to successful urban men complain about how hard it is to get out there and make a basic attempt at meeting people.
Readers tended to agree. Comments (over 700) included men thanking Pappu for the piece, which they said perfectly captured the yearning that may not hit a man until he’s 55 (!).
Other appraisals were far less generous, like this one, from Maryjane in New York:
As one of the thousands of single women in this city, I find this article to be a little ridiculous. I can’t speak for the gay men, but for the straight guys… if you really want to find a nice girl and settle down, all you have to do is make the slightest bit of effort. As soon as you decide to take that plunge, you will have no problem moving forward. So, I don’t really have any sympathy.
- And to the reporter who thinks that “all the really good girls that you would want to marry are taken”—well, what a joke.
The Times followed up with a piece (Link): examining those reader responses, highlighting, mostly, how relieved some women readers were to see men getting a taste of the medicine they’d been force-fed since conception.
“The guys are getting the same treatment from the Media that women have been getting for generations: ‘hurry up and get married before you’re too old and nobody wants you,” one wrote.
Another woman who’d lived in New York during her twenties and thirties said it was comeuppance: “I know very well that they are of the same age group that would drop someone like a hot rock for any excuse back in the day (one guy who had spoken of marriage changed his mind because he didn’t like the eyeliner that I wore one night), just because there were so many options out there.”
Comments from that page:
comment by FieryAntidote
- I once told someon who was 20+ years older than that I couldn’t date because I was looking for a relationship with someone close to my age with whom I could potentially start a family.
- Oh my God, the wounded entitled rage!
- He proceeded to barrage me with emails about how he could impregnate me well into old age. But I don’t just want a sperm donor (and paternal age does correlate with higher risks too), I want a parenting partner.
- These guys don’t seem to consider whether they will have the energy and interest to parent young kids in their 50s and 60s. Going to PTA meetings and working full time while your friends are thinking of retiring?
- And men die younger….what about the chances of seeing their kids into adulthood.
- Who wants to be paying for college in their 70s? Their is a lot more to parenting than the ability to fertilize an egg.