A Dating Video in Light of Being Equally Yoked Teaching

A Dating Video in Light of Being Equally Yoked Teaching

Facebook group  SCCL (Stuff Christian Culture Likes) posted a link to this video a few days back

I’ve watched the video, but I didn’t pay close attention to it. Several of the guys mentioned they wanted a “girl” who would be servant-minded – what, so they can serve these guys, bring them their beer and slippers when they get home from work? Bleh and puke.

Some of the guys in the video also mentioned wanting a girl who “dresses modestly.”

Someone on SCCL named, Elizabeth Burger, typed up a transcript of the video:

Transcript complete (typed by E. Burger):
[Three or Four Young Christian men speaking:]
I define a godly girl as a girl who is wholeheartedly pursuing God with her life.
A godly girl, to me, really understands that being a wife and a mother is an extremely high calling.

So to me, a godly girl is a girl who loves the Lord with all her heart and wants to serve Him.
To me, a godly girl is someone who is patient.

To me the most attractive thing about a girl is that she is really selfless.
I really admire when girls dress modestly.

I really admire a girl who is content with where God has her in life.
I admire a girl who has love for people.
I really admire a girl who is respectful towards her parents and is kind to her siblings.
Some character qualities that I really appreciate in a girl are selflessness, and a girl who is kind.

I admire a girl who gets outside of herself and invests in the lives of others.
I know a girl who really prioritizes God in her life. Every morning she talks with the Lord through prayer and reads her Bible and really just yearns to hear from the Lord.

So I know a girl who is kind and she truly looks for ways that she can bless other people. Even if it’s just like writing a letter or just saying a kind word or just sitting there and listening to someone’s life story for the fifteenth time.

Qualities I admire most in a girl are having a servant’s heart and uh, doing things when she’s not told to do them by her parents.

A godly girl, to me, spends time with the real people in her life rather than spending all her time on social media.

What I find unattractive in a girl is someone who is totally self-focused.
I find a girl unattractive when she tries to draw attention to herself.

I find it unattractive when a girl is really loud and boisterous.

It’s really unattractive when a girl dresses immodestly.

Qualities I’m praying for in a future wife would be definitely a servant’s heart, and uh having the joy of the Lord.

I’m looking for a girl who has a desire to invest in the lives of people.
I’m praying for a wife who likes to study the Bible with me.

A few things that I pray for in my future wife, is that she would love the Lord her God with all her heart, soul, mind and strength.

I’m looking for a girl who has a passionate love for being a wife and for being a mother.
I just wanna thank all the godly girls out there who are striving to honor God with their lives.
—- end transcript quotes—-

My focus so much here is not the video (there are some fights taking place under the video on the You Tube page, by the way), but a few of the comments under the  (Link): SCCL post about video including:

by Erin McEwen

In the past year 3 of my friends decided they had enough. They were all good & uncomplaining wives & did all the women’s work & prayed that their husbands would develop the ability to care about them.

All it took was one person who made them feel like a real person again & the Happy Home exploded. Why do guys think they are entitled to a pretty, compliant wife??

by Reds Shannon

For the record…
The kinkiest men…
The men who have cheated on me…
The men who have been closeted nymphos…
The men who can’t stop hitting on anything with a vagina…
Have been hardcore church going, small group leading and perfect examples of “Christian men.”
Screw that.
Stay the fuck away from any man who clocks HOURS at churches.

by Tania Nicole Thomas

You forgot the men who got caught with gay male porn, or who beat me up for not submitting, or who had non-consensual sex with me while I was SLEEPING…because “wifely duties”.
Also “Christian men”.

by Reds Shannon

(reply to Tania Nicole Thomas)

Honestly dating these kind of men back to back because they looked so good on paper…
Not again.Looking back on a failed marriage and my dating history? The worst were always the church going, Bible college men. They were the most abusive and control freak types.

I’ve said this before and will no doubt say it again if I keep blogging here, but there is no point in the “equally yoked” teaching that Christians like to shove down the throats of adult singles. You know, the teaching that it’s a sin for a Christian to marry a Non-Christian.

Are there some Non-Christian men who are abusive, weird, controlling, or manipulative? Yes.

But then, you have Christian women, who were brainwashed since youth (if raised in Christian families) to believe that they are to only date and marry Christians, with the implication that a Christian man would treat them with more kindness and respect than a Non-Christian man.

It’s like creeps and abusers who are self-professing Christians have an advantage over Non-Christian abusive men.

Christian men who are abusive or everyday jerks get to wear a mask of Mr. Do-Gooder Christian guy. They can carry a Bible all the time and talk about their ‘love for the Lord’ – they are able to project a trustworthy image that naive, inexperienced  Christian women will fall for. (Like this lady who fell for a (Link): Christian rapist she met on a Christian dating site)

Another consideration is that there are not as many unmarried Christian men as there are unmarried, Christian women.

If you are a Christian single lady who would like to marry, you will really have little choice but to consider marrying a Non-Christian guy. The numbers are stacked against you if you are a single Christian woman.

To enlarge your dating pool (your options), you’ll have to consider dating Non-Christians, or even guys from other denominations you would not have before.

Back in my staunchly Christian days, I was a Baptist – I still don’t regard Roman Catholicism as being purely Christian, as they reject sola fide (salvation is by faith alone), but I no longer would object to marrying a guy who was brought up in Roman Catholicism as I did before. (I was set up on blind dates with Catholic guys back in the day.)

Anyhow, some of these ladies in the SCCL thread offer more confirmation that some of the perviest, biggest jerks or weirdos are church-attending, Bible-reading Christian men. If you’re a Christian single lady, you really have nothing to lose by dating a guy outside of the faith, provided he treats you well.

A few other comments from the (Link): SCCL post about video thread  I agreed with:

by B E Copeman

I really hate it when guys make videos about what they want in girls. Just date the person you like, don’t try and force women to meet your low standards.

by A. Torres

How many times did “selfless” or “servant’s heart” come up? And Being “self-interested” is unattractive. It doesn’t sound like any of them are interested in relating to an actual person. Women are supporting characters, not the leads in their own stories. Just there to prop up the hero’s narrative. This video is actually WORSE than I was expecting, and that’s really saying something.

by David Otten

Funny how “christian guys” really means “white guys with 0 empathy for others”. And the guy who said he wants his wife to have no ambition and be content with her life as is? Go. Fuck. Yourself.

by Laura Amos

It’s really weird to hear any man (or boy, in some cases here) say that they what they like in a “girl” is having a “passionate love for being a wife”. WTF

by Ira Merrill

Christian young men whose mouths move to form every youth group cliche you’ve ever heard. Why would any girl want to conform to any of this “advice”? Oh wait, I forgot – fear.

by Dave Lake

Every little bit of that was regurgitated youth group propaganda. I would bet all the money in my pocket that there was not a single genuine answer in that whole video.

by Kara Veronica

I want a guy who was once in a video that gave me a bunch of vague, patronizing standards to live up to even before he knew me. Also, the dressing modestly guys know they’re lying.

by Shade Ardent

decoding the things that stood out to me:

1. content with her position – someone who won’t compete with me in any way.

2. wife, mother as highest calling – someone who will stay home and meet my every need, and not work out side the home.

3. selfless, invest in others, not be absorbed in herself – someone who will meet my every need without me having to say it. someone who will not say ‘no’ to me. submissive.

4. doesn’t draw attention to herself – someone who has a low opinion of herself, someone who will accept my verbal and emotional and physical abuse as deserved.

5. obeys her parents – submissive


1. spends time on social media – someone who can’t be easily isolated.

2. loud – someone who is confident.

3. immodest – someone i can’t control


Related Posts:

(Link): What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue) 

(Link):  Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link):  Decent Secular Relationship Advice: How to Pick Your Life Partner

(Link): Being Unequally Yoked

(Link): Another Example of Why the Equally Yoked Teaching is A Joke for Single Christian Women : Baptist Preacher Arrested for Allegedly Fire Bombing Ex Girlfriend’s House While She Was In It

(Link):  When Mormonism Sounds Like Gender Complementarian Christianity – Also: Man Shortage in Mormonism Just Like Christianity

(Link): Man / Husband Shortage in Hong Kong – just like in American Christian circles

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

(Link):  Oil Town Where Single Male Population Vastly Outnumbers Females and they practically rape the women – Reflections on the Christian argument that men will treat women better if women in short supply

(Link):  China’s Brutal One-Child Policy Ruins Men’s Marriage Prospects, Resulting in Human Trafficking

(Link):  Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

(Link): A Critique of – 10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry by J. Lee Grady / And on Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians

(Link): Christian Single Women: Another Example of Why You Should Abandon the “Be Equally Yoked” Teaching: 21-Y-O Christianity Student, Children’s Minister Charged With Murdering Fiancée He Was to Wed in August; Made It Look Like Suicide

(Link): Wife of Preacher Shoots, Kills Him, Recounts Years of Physical and Sexual Abuse – So Much for the Equally Yoked Teaching and the Notion that Christian married sex is Mind Blowing

One thought on “A Dating Video in Light of Being Equally Yoked Teaching”

  1. A visitor to this blog, who I also know on Twitter, asked me to post this comment of hers at her request (she sent me this via e-mail).

    I’m not sure if she wants me to credit her with her Twitter name or not. So for now, I will leave it off. Here is her post to me, which I am posting on her behalf:
    Blog Visitor Comment:

    I agree with so many of those comments. Christian men have been taught that they are in the catbird seat — and they know it. They can treat single Christian women like dirt and get away with it.

    Christian women need to vote with their feet: If you don’t find a Christian man who treats you well, then marry one of the very fine non-Christian guys. I know several Christian women who are incredibly happy with their devoted atheist/agnostic husbands. They respect each other and focus on the great loving relationship.

    In the world of Christianity, only a few sub-cultures, such as Evangelicalism, refuse to allow Christians to marry unbelievers. Almost every mainline denomination and Roman Catholicism allows it as long as the non-Christian promises to be respectful to the beliefs of the spouse. In fact, real clergy will perform the ceremony.

    The “unequally yoked” approach might have worked 30 years ago, maybe even 15 years ago, but in the past 10 years a dramatic shift has taken place. There literally aren’t enough Evangelical Christian men…and the one who are left in their 40’s have serious avoidant personality disorders, histories of abuse, addictions, and social problems. You wouldn’t want them to be a parent your children.

    [Link]: http://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/religious-tradition/evangelical-protestant/#gender-composition

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