Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It
A few excerpts by a single adult who was pressured to marry by her church but later regretted the marriage and divorced:
(Link): Singles ‘Need’ The Freedom To Choose by All Thinx Christian
I would never have thought the church would be a place where people were compelled to be married, but I found out the hard way that it is.
…Despite my yieldedness and commitment to the LORD and His people, I was somewhat marginalized and often treated badly (disrespected and short-changed whenever possible) by God’s people.
When I complained about and challenged this behavior in one of the pastors I highly regarded and who was my mentor at the time, he informed me the problem with giving me full leadership support and integrating me into the life of the church was due to unmarried state. He said to me “If you were married, it would be different.”
After about another year of this very painful treatment and believing that the only reason for it was because I was unmarried, one day I went before the LORD and said “If marriage is what it will take for me to be properly treated in the church, then send me somebody and I will marry him.”
[She went on a few dates with a Christian guy]
… I wasn’t ‘in love’ with the guy and I don’t think he was in love with me either, but in my naive state, I thought those kinds of emotions were only for sinners and all Christians needed to do was find someone, get married, treat them right, stay true to the marriage vows, and everything would be alright. I was wrong.
…Almost every single day of that marriage was a painful and horrible experience for me.
You see this portion of her page:
- … I wasn’t ‘in love’ with the guy and I don’t think he was in love with me either, but in my naive state, I thought those kinds of emotions were only for sinners and all Christians needed to do was find someone, get married, treat them right, stay true to the marriage vows, and everything would be alright. I was wrong.
It reminds me of the crummy advice Christian relationship guru Mark Gungor gives on TV to Christians: he tells them that all two people need to have a solid, lasting marriage is to both believe in Jesus, which is a lot of nonsense and bunk. I blogged on that more here:
If you are a single adult Christian, you need more than Jesus Christ in common with a partner for marriage to work.
I don’t mean to knock the person of Jesus – he’s a fine person – but I think Christians really misapply a lot of things, and Jesus and his character is one of them.
You have to have compatible goals, hopes, dreams, and so on with the person you are dating or engaged to.
Just “knowing Jesus” is NOT ENOUGH to make a marriage work.
I was engaged for a few years to a guy who “knew Jesus,” (this was back in my 100% Christian days) and our relationship was not smooth, nor did it work out. I broke things off with the guy.
You have to have more in common with a romantic partner than Jesus.
Too many evangelicals (and other types of Christians) treat “knowing Jesus” like it’s this magic formula that can fix anything and everything in life, from clinical depression to treating toe nail fungus to patching up cracks in your shower tiles. For that stuff, you will need therapy, medication, or spackle – not Jesus.
Jesus is a great person, but he is not the end-all, be all, Fix-It for every single problem in life, folks.
In my humble opinion, I think that, to a degree, that her blog post could be considered another strike against Christianity’s “be equally yoked” teaching.
(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site
(Link): Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy
(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias
(Link): Singles Advocate DePaulo Responds to Right Wing, Conservative Critics of Singlehood, Who Blame Singles For Breakdown of The Family (reminder: I myself am right wing)