Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It

Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It

A few excerpts by a single adult who was pressured to marry by her church but later regretted the marriage and divorced:

(Link): Singles ‘Need’ The Freedom To Choose by All Thinx Christian

  • I would never have thought the church would be a place where people were compelled to be married, but I found out the hard way that it is.
  • …Despite my yieldedness  and commitment to the LORD and His people, I was somewhat marginalized and often treated badly (disrespected and short-changed whenever possible) by God’s people.
  • When I complained about and challenged this behavior in one of the pastors I highly regarded and who was my mentor at the time, he informed me the problem with giving me full leadership support and integrating me into the life of the church was due to unmarried state. He said to me “If you were married, it would be different.”
  • After about another year of this very painful treatment and believing that the only reason for it was because I was unmarried, one day I went before the LORD and said “If marriage is what it will take for me to be properly treated in the church, then send me somebody and I will marry him.”

  • [She went on a few dates with a Christian guy]
  • … I wasn’t ‘in love’ with the guy and I don’t think he was in love with me either, but in my naive state, I thought those kinds of emotions were only for sinners and all Christians needed to do was find someone, get married, treat them right, stay true to the marriage vows, and everything would be alright. I was wrong.
  • …Almost every single day of that marriage was a painful and horrible experience for me.
  • … I wasn’t ‘in love’ with the guy and I don’t think he was in love with me either, but in my naive state, I thought those kinds of emotions were only for sinners and all Christians needed to do was find someone, get married, treat them right, stay true to the marriage vows, and everything would be alright. I was wrong.

(( please click here to read the rest ))

You see this portion of her page:

  • … I wasn’t ‘in love’ with the guy and I don’t think he was in love with me either, but in my naive state, I thought those kinds of emotions were only for sinners and all Christians needed to do was find someone, get married, treat them right, stay true to the marriage vows, and everything would be alright. I was wrong.

It reminds me of the crummy advice Christian relationship guru Mark Gungor gives on TV to Christians: he tells them that all two people need to have a solid, lasting marriage is to both believe in Jesus, which is a lot of nonsense and bunk. I blogged on that more here:

 If you are a single adult Christian, you need more than Jesus Christ in common with a partner for marriage to work.
I don’t mean to knock the person of Jesus – he’s a fine person – but I think Christians really misapply a lot of things, and Jesus and his character is one of them.
You have to have compatible goals, hopes, dreams, and so on with the person you are dating or engaged to.
Just “knowing Jesus” is NOT ENOUGH to make a marriage work.
I was engaged for a few years to a guy who “knew Jesus,” (this was back in my 100% Christian days) and our relationship was not smooth, nor did it work out. I broke things off with the guy.
You have to have more in common with a romantic partner than Jesus.
Too many evangelicals (and other types of Christians) treat “knowing Jesus” like it’s this magic formula that can fix anything and everything in life, from clinical depression to treating toe nail fungus to patching up cracks in your shower tiles. For that stuff, you will need therapy, medication, or spackle – not Jesus.
Jesus is a great person, but he is not the end-all, be all, Fix-It for every single problem in life, folks.
In my humble opinion, I think that, to a degree, that her blog post could be considered another strike against Christianity’s “be equally yoked” teaching.

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Related Posts:

(Link):  The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link):  Research: Being Single [or Fear of Being Single] is a Meaningful Predictor of Settling for Less in Relationships

(Link):  Let’s Kiss Dating Hello – Ring By Spring Culture at Christian Campuses, by N. Sheets

(Link):  Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

(Link):  Woman Book Author – Andrea Tantaros –  Suggests That Single Women Are Miserable And Can’t Get Husbands Because Feminism. My Critique of Her Article / Book

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link):  Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

(Link): 34 Year Old Single Woman Harassed by Relatives at Wedding Over Why She Is Not Married Yet Asks How To Get Them to STFU About Her Singleness

(Link): Please Stop Shaming Me for Being Single by J. Vadnal

(Link):  Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

 (Link):  More Anti-Singleness Bias From Southern Baptist Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry

(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

(Link): A Response by Colon to Regnerus Re: Misguided Early Marriage Propaganda

(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage
(Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial)
(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias

(Link):  The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People

(Link):  The Right One – Do Unmarried Christians Only Need Jesus in Common to Marry ?

(Link): How (Married) Christians and Christian Teachings About Dating/Marriage Are Keeping Single Christians Single Part 1

(Link): Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Becker

(Link):  Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate and Virgin Shaming

(Link):  Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin

(Link):  Hey, Justice Kennedy: You don’t need to shame singles to uphold marriage by L. Bonos

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link):  Seven Reasons Why It’s Hard To Be Single In The Church by Sarah The Barge

(Link):  Singles Advocate DePaulo Responds to Right Wing, Conservative Critics of Singlehood, Who Blame Singles For Breakdown of The Family (reminder: I myself am right wing)

(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers

(Link):  Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link): I’m 45, Single And Childless. No, There’s Nothing ‘Wrong’ With Me. by M Notkin

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): The Christian and Non Christian Phenomenon of Virgin Shaming and Celibate Shaming

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): Is Singleness A Sin? by Camerin Courtney

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ?

(Link):  Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link):  You Will Be Ignored After Your Spouse Dies

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

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3 thoughts on “Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It”

  1. This was interesting. I enjoyed it! Thanks for sharing and adding your thoughts to it.
    You’re correct when you say Christians need more than Jesus in common to marry. I learned that the hard way 🙂 .
    Btw, it was my ex-husband who initiated the separation and divorce. After badly mistreating me, he walked out on me and our then unborn child. I tried very hard to hold on to the marriage despite that, believing it was the ‘Christian’ thing to do (another wrong teaching).
    However, despite all this, I REFUSE TO GIVE UP ON JESUS! He’s the real deal, and I’m serving Him all my days, married or single! So here’s to more courage to be in whatever state God calls us to be, for as long as He wants us to be in that state.

    1. Thank you for leaving a comment.

      I tend to blog on the same several topics on mine, how Christians teach weird or damaging things about marriage / dating and how poorly they treat adult singles, being a couple of them.

      I’m very sorry your marriage went south, and that it didn’t end well.

      I certainly hope your future is brighter. 🙂

      I’m glad you dropped by the blog.

      1. Thanks for your commiseration, Christian Pundit! I truly appreciate it. My present and future have been brighter, since the LORD redeemed me from the unfortunate marriage.

        I love your blog and your writing interests. We all do, over at Biblical Christian Egalitarians. You’re a big hit over there! Keep blogging!† ❤

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