Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos
(Link): Husband-hunting is the worst part of a Christian upbringing by B. Ramos
Christianity made me obsessed with finding a husband
June 30, 2015
…Now that I am “old” and married with two kids at the age of 31 (and wasn’t married as I intended at 21), I’m so glad I didn’t go down that road. There’s nothing technically wrong with young marriage, though I personally believe and will tell my children that it’s so, so important to take time to get to know yourself and other people before you make a lifelong commitment.
There is something wrong with being coerced and even brainwashed into thinking you need to get married at a young age to be complete — in the eyes of God and in the eyes of other people.
No, I did not grow up in a Duggar-like cult. I grew up in a fundamental Christian home, which was quite common for my area of South Texas.
I’ve spoken to a number of friends, including my husband who was the son of a Baptist pastor, and our stories match up.
Young people are still being led to believe that young marriage (implying abstinence from sex) is the only way to please God, and these young people who follow this path are not being told the whole story.
…Joelle Caputa came face-to-face with this pressure for Christian women to marry young to set a good example for other Christians while interviewing participants for her book, Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s. Unsurprising to me, this pressure was a leading cause of divorce among the couples Caputa encountered.
In her book, Caputa writes, “Avery, a 27-year-old research assistant in Ohio, told me, ‘Part of the reason why we got married so soon was because we moved in together about five months after we first met.
“We were very involved in the church and our youth pastor was encouraging us to get married so we wouldn’t set a bad example to the youth we were leading. They all looked up to us. My rationale was, ‘I love this man and want to grow old with him.’ We stopped having sex after we got engaged and perhaps this was a motivating factor that brought him to want to tie the knot so early.'”
… When I was in a relationship in my early twenties, I felt this same pressure in the Christian community. Premarital sex was unacceptable, and young marriage was the only option.
When I was single while attending Bible College in my early twenties, the pressure was still there: The Bible says women are supposed to be submissive to men. A woman without a man is incomplete. If you aren’t married, you haven’t fulfilled your life’s purpose yet.
…Reading all of this now makes me angry for myself and for other women in the same position I was in. I spent years of my life looking for a perfect, righteous, godly man because I was told I was incomplete without him. When I finally got married to my husband, my best friend who I reunited with from high school, I spent even more years playing the submissive wife role and denying my own voice.
No longer. I still believe in God, but I’m working slowly but surely to challenge these antiquated, misinterpreted beliefs about young marriage and submission in marriage.
(Link): Seven Truths About Marriage You Won’t Hear in Church by F. Powell
(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site