Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos
(Link): Husband-hunting is the worst part of a Christian upbringing by B. Ramos
Christianity made me obsessed with finding a husband
June 30, 2015
…Now that I am “old” and married with two kids at the age of 31 (and wasn’t married as I intended at 21), I’m so glad I didn’t go down that road. There’s nothing technically wrong with young marriage, though I personally believe and will tell my children that it’s so, so important to take time to get to know yourself and other people before you make a lifelong commitment.
There is something wrong with being coerced and even brainwashed into thinking you need to get married at a young age to be complete — in the eyes of God and in the eyes of other people.
No, I did not grow up in a Duggar-like cult. I grew up in a fundamental Christian home, which was quite common for my area of South Texas.
I’ve spoken to a number of friends, including my husband who was the son of a Baptist pastor, and our stories match up.
Young people are still being led to believe that young marriage (implying abstinence from sex) is the only way to please God, and these young people who follow this path are not being told the whole story.
…Joelle Caputa came face-to-face with this pressure for Christian women to marry young to set a good example for other Christians while interviewing participants for her book, Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s. Unsurprising to me, this pressure was a leading cause of divorce among the couples Caputa encountered.
In her book, Caputa writes, “Avery, a 27-year-old research assistant in Ohio, told me, ‘Part of the reason why we got married so soon was because we moved in together about five months after we first met.
“We were very involved in the church and our youth pastor was encouraging us to get married so we wouldn’t set a bad example to the youth we were leading. They all looked up to us. My rationale was, ‘I love this man and want to grow old with him.’ We stopped having sex after we got engaged and perhaps this was a motivating factor that brought him to want to tie the knot so early.'”
… When I was in a relationship in my early twenties, I felt this same pressure in the Christian community. Premarital sex was unacceptable, and young marriage was the only option.
When I was single while attending Bible College in my early twenties, the pressure was still there: The Bible says women are supposed to be submissive to men. A woman without a man is incomplete. If you aren’t married, you haven’t fulfilled your life’s purpose yet.
…Reading all of this now makes me angry for myself and for other women in the same position I was in. I spent years of my life looking for a perfect, righteous, godly man because I was told I was incomplete without him. When I finally got married to my husband, my best friend who I reunited with from high school, I spent even more years playing the submissive wife role and denying my own voice.
No longer. I still believe in God, but I’m working slowly but surely to challenge these antiquated, misinterpreted beliefs about young marriage and submission in marriage.
(( click here to read the rest ))
(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists
(Link): What You Lose When You Gain a Spouse – What if marriage is not the social good that so many believe and want it to be? by M. Catron
(Link): Gender Complementarianism – A General Response – from a Former Gender Complementarian Who Is Still A Conservative
(Link): Every Successful Relationship is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons by M. Manson
(Link): Top 13 Reasons Why People Don’t Want to Get Married Any More – and Why Staying Single Makes You Happier
(Link): A Table For One: Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time (podcast and free book on singleness from author Kinneret Lahad)
(Link): Lifeway Research: Pastors Encourage Single Adults, Some Provide Targeted Ministries (How Churches Are Ministering to Adult Singles in 2022)
(Link): Let’s Kiss Dating Hello – Ring By Spring Culture at Christian Campuses, by N. Sheets
(Link): ‘Leftover’ Is A Term Used In Many Parts of Asia For Women Who Haven’t Married By Their Mid-20s
(Link): I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture) – Provides Yet Another Reason to Ditch the Equally Yoked Teaching
(Link): The best age to marry is when you meet the right person – editorial responding to study that says if you marry past 30 your marriage is doomed
(Link): Why So Much Fornication Among Christians and Secular Society – Because Christians and Secularists Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity
(Link): The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People
(Link): Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It
(Link): Seven Truths About Marriage You Won’t Hear in Church by F. Powell
(Link): Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin
(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers
(Link): According to Pastor ( Jimmy Evans ) It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk
(Lies): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)
(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage
(Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial)
(Link): Study: Got Married Sooner Than You Hoped? That’s Depressing
(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single
(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site
(Link): 34 Year Old Single Woman Harassed by Relatives at Wedding Over Why She Is Not Married Yet Asks How To Get Them to STFU About Her Singleness
(Link): Please Stop Shaming Me for Being Single by J. Vadnal
(Link): Federalist Magazine Staff Annoyed that Other Outlets Publish the Down Side of Motherhood and Are Requesting Sunny Motherhood Propaganda Pieces – As If Conservatives Haven’t Pushed for Motherhood Enough? The Mind Boggles
(Link): Research: Being Single [or Fear of Being Single] is a Meaningful Predictor of Settling for Less in Relationships
(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear
(Link): A Response by Colon to Regnerus Re: Misguided Early Marriage Propaganda
(Link): Christian Early Marriage Position Advocates A Low View of Celibacy and Virginity and Adult Singleness – another example: Justin Deeter Blog about Early Marriage
(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)
(Link): Misapplication of Biblical Verses About Fertility (also mentions early marriage) – a paper by J. McKeown (also mentions early marriage)
(Link): Secular Media Also Pushing Early Marriage
(Link): American Christian Divorce Rates Vs Atheists and Other Groups – throws a pall over Christian Fairy Tale Teachings about Marriage
(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?
(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother