How Dating In Your 40s Is Nothing Like Dating In Your 20s – via NY Post – A Secular Editorial Grasps what Married Christian Relationship Advice Givers Do Not
Here is a secular editorial that understands.
No, dating in one’s 40s is not the same as dating in one’s 20s. Being single in one’s 40s is not the same as being single in one’s 20s.
But you know what?
Most conservative Christians fail to grasp either situation.
Most Christians who write books, blogs, or sermons filled with dating tips to singles are married people. They are married people who are age 40, 50, or older, and who have been married since they were 21 or 27 years old, and they do not have the first freaking clue that being single at age 40 is vastly different than being single when one is 20 or even 25.
So, their advice to adult singles falls flat, is totally unrealistic, condescending, stupid, or naive.
Often, married Christians give the same dating advice and relationship principles in their books and TV speeches to older single adults that they do to teen-aged kids.
To switch gears a bit here:
I do believe the reason many men who are age 40 and older insist on, or gravitate towards, dating 20-something women, is that they want a woman who is easier to manipulate and control.
Women, up to their mid 30s or so, are still pretty insecure and naive about relationships and have lousy boundaries, because they’ve been socialized by culture to put up with a lot of crap from men. Christian woman get this from churches even more so than secular women.
By the time you hit your late 30s or a bit older, you, as a woman, realize you don’t have to put up with disrespect or abuse – and the older men figure this out, the older guys notice that older women won’t put up with their bullshit as much as a naive, insecure, little 25 year old who has no life experience behind her.
It’s much more difficult for a man to hoodwink and take advantage of a 40 something woman than a 20- or mid- 30ish woman.
(Link): How Dating In Your 40s Is Nothing Like Dating In Your 20s – via NY Post
- In your 40s…
- Luckily, the “GAME OVER” moments have become a little easier to spot. You’re in the market for a man, not a bro, so if he can’t find his way around the block without a navigation app, doesn’t think far enough ahead to make a dinner reservation, or doesn’t own a decent pair of dress shoes, he can keep on walking.
- Also, bad-boys need not apply—it took many years for you to learn to love yourself, so you’re not going to take a step backward by getting with a guy who doesn’t show you the respect you deserve.
- Crib: Roommates, unless they’re his kids, are a big no-go. And he better know how to get some sort of color scheme going in a room by this age. No more wall tapestries!
- Job: A stable career is kind of a must. If he’s still trying to find himself and you’re in full swing with your profession, the playing field might be a little too uneven for your blossoming adult-like taste.
- Looks: You stay in decent shape, why shouldn’t he? That said, if he happens to pick up a major Oreo cookie habit during a particularly cold winter, you’ll barely notice. Salt and pepper hair and some laugh lines make for more character.
- Commitment level: If he’s still floundering about settling down, or is perhaps still feeling the burn from a divorce, the jig might be up on expecting this guy to pop the question. But that might be exactly what you want, too! At least everyone should have no issues with being upfront about either preference by now.
(Link): What You Learn in Your 40s by P. Druckerman
(Link): How to Date When You’re Almost Middle-Aged by A. Broadway
(Link): Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women
(Link): Why It May Be Wiser For Women to Enter First Marriage At Age 40+ – especially ones from religious or conservative families
(Link): The advantages to getting engaged at age 37, by Patricia Beauchamp
(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40
(Link): How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)
(Link): The Stupid Advice We Give To Single Women Over 40 (from the Current Conscience Blog)
(Link): First Time Marriage for Man and Woman Both Over Age 40
(Link): This dad is glad he postponed fatherhood (commentary – first time father at age 40 or older)
(Link): Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?