Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) / Why Do Christians Not Have a RBGR – Reverse Billy Graham Rule?
- March 17, 2016 Update: the other affair with yet another woman has been confirmed in a new news story – please see the link to that at the bottom of this post
- Update 2: (Link): Church Knew of Preacher’s [Tullian Tchividjian’s] Affairs, Advised Him To Keep It Quiet
Here is a story of a male preacher who allegedly cheated on his wife, possibly more than once, if the new report is true (links farther below). It makes me wonder: do Christians not have a Reverse Billy Graham Rule?
Normally, Christians adhere to this sexist idea that single women are sexual sex pots, temptresses, who will try to bed a man, especially if he is married.
Yet, I never hear these same Christians issue a “Beware of Christian Married Men Who Will Try to Sleep with Women” rule or advisement to single – or married – women.
Think about it. Married Christian men, including men who work as preachers, have sex with women they are not married to (see more examples (Link): here). Some of these married pastors who commit adultery will cheat not only with single women, but with women who are married to other men.
Yet – I never really hear of Christian women who insist on taking a chaperone with them when meeting any and all men, whether in public or in private.
I don’t hear Christian women insisting that an office door must stay open when they meet with any or all men, all due to the percentage of slime ball married male pastors who do in fact take advantage of women.
I don’t see, in other words, most Christian women treating all Christian men as potential rapists or as sexual temptresses, but Christian culture sure does treat women in this manner:
However, it’s not women taking advantage of married men in the majority of these news stories, it’s quite the opposite.
Yet, there is no Reverse Billy Graham Rule in place to protect women from men.
I am not arguing in favor of a Reverse Billy Graham Rule, you understand, merely pointing out the sexist double standard held by Christians on this issue.
Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship
This post is an update to this older one on my blog:
According to reports at Warren Throckmorton’s blog, Tchividjian may have been involved in yet another inappropriate sexual relationship with another woman.
You can read more about it here:
(Link): Tullian Tchividjian Out at Willow Creek Presbyterian; Majority of Liberate Network Board Members Quit
- March 2016
- Tchividjian’s dismissal (Link): appears to be related to new allegations of wrong doing involving another inappropriate relationship prior to the affair which led to his resignation at Coral Ridge.
- Also, the woman with whom Tchividjian had an improper relationship has accused him of owing money to her husband and of fooling his counselor while still pursuing her.
Other bloggers are wanting to cast this as more of a pastoral abuse situation than adultery, because Tchividjian seemingly used his position as a pastor to sucker emotionally vulnerable women into having sex with him, or something of that nature.
I don’t necessarily dispute that understanding of the ordeal, but I think it’s a little of both: he committed adultery AND I believe what he did could be considered a form of pastoral abuse.
MARRIAGE DOES NOT MAKE EVERYONE WHO MARRIES MORE GODLY
At any rate: let this be another lesson that a person being married or being a parent does NOT make that person more mature, godly, loving, or ethical than a person who never marries or is childless or who is child free.
Conservative Christians need to stop using the ‘nuclear family’ as a barometer by which to judge an individual’s ethics, walk with God, or worth.
The Bible never teaches that the nuclear family – that marriage and children – is going to save culture or cause people to behave in a moral fashion. Hence, people’s need of a Savior, Jesus Christ. God sent humanity a Savior in the form of Jesus; God did not send the nuclear family to ‘save’ anyone.
Seeing as how these so-called godly men – who work as preachers – keep turning up as abusers or adulterers, it really makes the Christian understanding of the “be equally yoked” teaching very purposeless.
MINDBLOWING MARRIED SEX
A lot of Christians will tell singles to abstain from sex while single, because married sex will be worth the wait -0 because married Christian sex is supposedly regular and hot and steamy.
But here we have a pastor who cheated on his wife, maybe more than once. Obviously, the married Christian sex he was having with his wife was not all that great if he was looking outside the marriage for sex.
I have other examples on my blog of other married Christian men, some married, some single, who were caught in sexual sin.
MUST EARN A SPOUSE BY BEING GODLY OR PERFECT
In Christian books or blogs about marriage, I have seen or heard Christians say that if you are still single but do not want to be, it’s because God is with-holding a spouse from you because you are not godly or whatever enough to deserve one.
The problem with this notion, other than the Bible does not teach it, is that we’ve all seen too many lazy, stupid, adulterous, abusive, or idiotic Christians get married.
If being perfect, mature, godly, or whatever else, were requirements for marriage that God put in place, about 99% of Christians would not be married – they would still be single.
But there are enough idiot Christians who married to clue us all in that one does not have to meet some magical, supernaturally approved list of qualities before we can marry.
Under the “equally yoked” teaching, Christians believe that a single Christian woman should only considering marrying a Christian man – never a Non-Christian.
Considering that some atheists out there have better morals than some Christian preachers, I really think Christian single women who want to be married should widen their dating pool to include decent Non-Christian men.
I notice that Christian TV host Pat Robertson, who is a big promoter of “equally yoked” will on the one hand, chide Christian women who write him admitting they are dating a Non-Christian, but then, on the other, his next letter is from a Christian viewer who is married to a Christian man who has been abusing her or viewing pornography.
You can’t help but wonder – at least I do – if the Christian wives writing in who are married to the abusive or porn addicted Christian men would be better off married to a Non-Christian who isn’t a porn addict or abuser. In my youth, I saw some sense in “equally yoked” in regards to marriage, but now that I’m older, I see the problems with it.
Edit: More links from other sites:
(Link): Tchividjian In More Trouble
(Link): Why I have Decided to Leave Pirate Christian Radio
(Link): Tullian Tchividjian and Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church Discussion: “He demanded that people be loyal to him.”
(Link): Willow Creek Fires After He Confesses to Another Affair by L Blair
March 17, 2016
- Willow Creek Church in Winter Springs, Florida, confirmed Thursday that they have fired Tullian Tchvidjian, 43, grandson of evangelical icon Billy Graham, after he revealed a previously unconfessed affair he had with another woman.
- “When we heard the disclosures he made just a few days ago, the session acted within hours to end his employment at the church,” Willow Creek’s Senior Pastor Kevin Labby told The Christian Post in an interview Thursday morning.
- “The disclosures that he made involved the fact that he had a previously unconfessed inappropriate relationship with another woman. He didn’t share specifics with us. He said the person, that’s worth saying … there were no specifics,” Labby continued. “The session did not feel that specifics were necessary for our purposes right now in making a decision about whether to keep him on staff. So they’ve terminated his position but they have not distanced themselves from caring for Tullian and calling him to repentance.”
- … His [Tchividjian’s] recent confession, according to Labby, contradicts that narrative. The Willow Creek senior pastor indicates that Tchividjian’s newly confessed affair occurred prior to discovering Kim’s [his wife’s] infidelity.
Update 2: (Link): Church Knew of Preacher’s [Tullian Tchividjian’s] Affairs, Advised Him To Keep It Quiet
(Link): Tullian Tchividjian Resigns after Admitting ‘Inappropriate Relationship’
(Link): Stacie Tchividjian Attempting to Turn Repeated Sexual Sin Into a Virtue of Sorts
(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified
(Link): Think The “Billy Graham Rule” Would Have Saved Tullian? Think Again… (Billy Graham rule has all Christians treating single adult women as though they are harlots who cannot be trusted)
(Link): Christian Ladies: Be Equally Yoked to Christian Men Who Like To Have Sex With Dogs! (Re: Jerald Hill news story)
(Link): Forget About Being Equally Yoked: “My Abusive Christian Marriage”
(Link): Resident Christian Marriage Advice Writer at Christian Mag Admits Some Christian Marriages are Sexless
(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true
(Link): Perverted Christian Married Couple Wants to “Wife Swap” (For Sex) With Other Christian Couple – Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens
(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages
(Link): AARP post: How to Handle a Sexless Married Life – But Christians Promise You Great Hot Regular Married Sex
(Link): Christians Overly Fond of the BGR / How I Learned to Stop Worrying About the Billy Graham Rule and Love Like Jesus by T. Grigg
(Link): Non-Romantic Nearness, The Billy Graham Rule, and Pope John Paul’s Friendship With a Married Woman
(Link): Patriarchy tends to sexualize all male / female relationships (article via Junia Project blog)
(Link): Relationships Of Welcome, Not Fear (Re: How Sexist Christian Views Marginalize and Isolate Adult, Single Women and Maintain Other Stereotypes About Adult Singles)