Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles
I skimmed over this really long blog post, on Brent Detwiler’s site (link much farther below), about a guy, Caffery, who was jailed for pedophilia. Caffery has more than one victim, if I remember right.
Caffery wrote a book at one point claiming that belief in Christ changed his life for the better, and so on and so forth (amazingly, he was molesting kids while writing this book – during the same time frame).
Caffery also wrote (in a book or a letter to his church elders, I forget which) that he was afraid if his wife gave birth to a daughter, he would molest his own daughter, so he prayed and asked God for sons. His wife went on to give birth to all sons. (I think the blog post says he later had a daughter by his second wife.)
Let me pause here to say: if I were dating or engaged to a guy who told me this upfront, that he is afraid he might molest any kids we had together, I would take him at his word and dump his ass.
(I don’t know if the woman this guy married knew beforehand or not, I’m just saying if this happened to me, I would NOT stay with a guy who confessed such a thing to me.
Never, ever stay with a guy out of pity or a sense of duty – don’t feel sorry for Mr. “I might molest our kids if we have kids together” Pervert. Helping him or redeeming such a deviant is not your responsibility. Part of the reason I got sucked into my last disaster of an engagement was that I felt sorry for the guy.)
The part that really stood out to me in this blog post by DeWiler was when Caffery said after one wife divorced him, he went looking for a new wife at a large Christian church. I found this alarming and creepy.
I was raised by two traditional, church-going, devout Christian parents who taught me from the time I was a kid (and my father even now teaches me) that if you are single and want a spouse, the best place to go “spouse shopping” is a local church.
I’m kind of two minds of this.
Meeting Matches at Church – Churches Refuse to Help Singles
If you are a Christian single who wants to be married, especially one who believes in “being equally yoked,” (which is a teaching that (Link): you should really considering ditching) you will expect you should be able to ‘spouse-hunt’ at a church.
One problem is that most churches do not do anything to help singles meet and date other singles at church:
they all complain about not wanting church to turn into a “meat market,” which means adult singles who want to marry have to hang out at local bars, night clubs, or use a dating site to meet partners.
I happen to feel that is a huge dis-service to singles; churches should be active in helping to play “match makers” for singles.
Churches need to host more events which would give Christian adult singles more opportunities to mingle with other singles. Christian singles should not be reduced to hanging out at seedy bars or trying a dating site in the hopes of meeting other like-minded Christian singles.
If Christians really supported traditional marriage – they claim they do – they would be working to help marriage minded singles get married (which would include things like hosting social events where singles could meet other singles) – but they refuse to take any practical steps to help singles get married.
Downside: Churches Attract Deviants and Abusers
On the other hand, when I consider the huge amount of stories I see regularly over the last several years of self-professing Christian men who attend churches, who turn out to be rapists, abusers, or pedophiles, and churches often cover for these men (you can view examples (Link): on this blog here) – I am thinking maybe churches are not a safe place for adult single women to meet matches.
In this guy’s case who I am blogging about, he is a PEDOPHILE who actually stated in one book he wrote that he started a new church with the intent of looking for wife #2.
Single women, would you want to marry a pedophile? Probably not.
Bear in mind, if you do marry a pedophile (or adulterer, or abuser) most churches will NOT permit you to divorce the husband. Churches will actually defend the perverted or abusive husband and shun or punish you, the victim.
See (Link): this post for an example of a church that punished a woman for annulling her marriage to a pedophile (she found out after they married he was a pedophile). See also (Link): this related post for a similar situation at another church.
Churches are about protecting the guilty (usually the husband) and harming the innocent (usually the wife).
But how disturbing is it that this Christian pedophile, when he was single and wanting to be re-married, felt that a local church was the place to go to find another wife?
(Link): Covenant Life Member & Children’s Ministry Worker, Larry Ellis Caffery, Arrested on Nine Counts of Child Sex Abuse & Two Counts of False Imprisonment
Link above seems to be dead now, try this one:
UPDATED Link: (Link): UPDATED LINK
Excerpts (I corrected a few incorrectly spelled words in the original):
Larry Ellis Caffery was born on March 11, 1950. He married Candace (Candy) Charlene Smith on May 9, 1970. They had three boys, Mich
—- (end) —
This blog post mentions how Caffery’s wife gave birth to sons, and he also discusses that his father sexually molested his sister – this information was published in Caffery’s book.
More excerpts from the post (bold added by me):
In 1996, Caffery started attending Covenant Life Church and received counseling from Kenneth Maresco. Maresco left CLC in September 2015 in order to become the Community Life pastor at Sovereign Grace Church of Fairfax.
[—- start excerpt from Caffery book —-]
I had heard about Covenant Life Church in Gaithersburg and decided to check it out [in 1996]. I knew this church had a very large congregation, and I thought it would be easier for me to find a new Christian wife.
I felt uncomfortable during my first visit because of the size of the congregation. Finally I saw someone I knew from a previous church I had attended and sat with him. After the service, he introduced me to one of the many pastors, Kenneth Maresco. (Location 1142)
[—-end excerpt form Caffery book —-]
Did you see that?
This serial pedophile said, “I knew this church had a very large congregation, and I thought it would be easier for me to find a new Christian wife.”
Oh puke. Oh gag. Oh HELL TO THE NO.
I would rather stay single or marry a kind-hearted (non child molesting) Atheist than marry a church-going pedophiliac Christian.
But to think some of these perverts not only view churches as hunting grounds for more child victims but to find wives makes me want to hurl even more.
Christian single ladies: be very careful if you meet single guys at church or on Christian dating sites. Please consider dumping the “be equally yoked” teaching.
Look beyond a man’s profession of religious belief to his character – judge how he treats you and treats other people.
Don’t allow belief in Jesus, Richard Dawkins, Yahweh, Allah, or Buddha, or whatever or whoever he claims to follow, to be the end-all deciding factor as to if you date or marry a guy.
Some conservative Christians teach that if you want to be married but still find yourself single past the age of 30 or so, it’s because God is trying to “clean you up,” to purify you in some way before you can “merit” a spouse.
Never mind the Bible says in no part of its text that one has to achieve some level of perfection or godliness to be permitted a spouse, but real life observation should tell you that being godly or perfect is not a requirement to get a spouse.
Lots of perverted Christian men – rapists and child molesters who attend church weekly – have been getting spouses for years. This post is yet another example of that.
Let the subject of this post – a married guy who had children with two Christian women – and he was also a child molester – also serve to counter-act another favored Christian trope: that the nuclear family can or will save a society. Sometimes, some of the members of a nuclear family are deviants and perverts and make society worse.
(March 28, 2016 edit: I have edited this post to add a few more links and fix some typing mistakes)
(Link): Adult Pervert Ephebophile Preacher to His Teen Victim: “I believe God provided you for me until such time as I find a wife.”
(Link): Church Forced Out Woman Who Complained Pastor Regularly Sexually Harassed Her
(Link): How ‘Undercover Underage’ Star Roo Powell Busts Sex Predators
(Link): Convicted Sex Offender on the Run for 20 Years Found Living New Life as Pastor in Alabama
(Link): Angry Dad Fractures Church Minister’s Skull for Groping 9-Year-Old Son: Police
(Link): Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry
(Link): Time to End ‘Nuclear Family Privilege’ – Let’s Overcome Irrational Nostalgia for a Version of Family Long Since Transformed
(Link): Single Woman Meets Stalker Guy at Church – letter to “Ask Amy” Advice Columnist
(Link): Those “God Brought Me My Spouse” Stories – Woman Says God Brought Her A Spouse on the Beach
(Link): Pro-Rape Pastor Defends Church’s Hiring of Child Rapist – Adult Singles: Dump the Equally Yoked Teaching
(Link): Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages
(Link): Update on Christian Rapist Man Who Used Christian Mingle Site To Pick His Victims (he liked to discuss Jesus and the Bible with them before raping them – other details in update) Equally Yoked Teaching IS A FARCE
(Link): Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage
(Link): Marriage is Not A Cure For Pedophilia, Making a Joke of Marriage: Christian Preacher Marries A Known Pedophile To Young Woman, Pedophile Then Apparently Molests His Own Biological Infant Son By That Woman
(Link): A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages
(Link): Stupid Things Naive Christians Say (About Adultery, Divorce) from Divorce Minister Blog
(Link): Divorce. Unpardonable sin? (from CWO) / How Churches Fail the Divorced (article)
(Link): Pastor Busted in Prostitution Sting – If Married Sex So Great Why Do So Many Married Christian Men Have Affairs