Eight Ways to Rethink the Conversation About Singleness by K. Kreminski

Eight Ways to Rethink the Conversation About Singleness by K. Kreminski

  • PREFACE: my blog stalker, John Morgan, is probably going to take this link I spotted today and share it on his own blog, reference it on his own blog, or visit this other blog to leave a comment there.
  • The guy apparently takes content from my blog without giving me credit, which is not only dishonest or unfair, but it’s hypocritical, because in the past he deemed me untrustworthy for not stating my real name on my blog or posts.
  • If you think I am untrustworthy for using a pen name, or for whatever reason, stop taking any links, content, and ideas from my blog to use on your own blog, or to run over to other sites I link to in order to leave comments there. You are being a huge hypocrite.
  • Please see (Link): this post for more on John Morgan or (Link): this post. Thank you.

This blog post by Kreminski about singleness (link and excerpt much farther below) hits on several points I’ve been raising on my own blog for the last 3 or 4 years:

Christians are already too marriage focused, and in their defensive posture of saving culture and marriage from what they perceive as threats (such as homosexual marriage and liberalism), they hype marriage to the exclusion of singleness.

Some conservatives and Christians go so far as to denigrate singleness in order to extol marriage, something the Bible never does. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7 it is better to stay single than marry, and that marriage does nothing but bring people problems in life.

I have also noted on my blog many times before that the demographics in our nation (and others) have shifted with more people staying single over their lifetimes, or, if they marry, they are marrying at much older ages than they used to. Most conservative expressions of Christianity, however, continue to cater to married couples.

Out of the Christians who do notice this demographic shift, they shame singles for being singles and promote something called “early marriage.” These Christians shame and scold Christians to get married, rather than just accept them in their single status.

In previous blog posts, I have also discussed what I termed “Married People Privilege.” Married people, especially ones with children, like to think that their lives are ten times more difficult than that of childless singles.

I have even seen married-with-babies couples take over discussion threads intended for adult singles to discuss how they, the singles, have been hurt and marginalized by a Christian community that reveres marriage too much, to scold and lecture the singles about how oh- so- hard it is to be married with a child at home. (I have blogged on this topic before.)

Singles are not even allowed to air and discuss the issues, struggles, or pain of being single in a culture that worships marriage in a space meant for them, without some married people “butting in” to the thread or forum to gripe and complain about how easy singles supposedly have life compared to married people.

Married people are quite blind to how easy they have life compared to singles and to just how much churches defer to married couples who have kids.

The following blog post indirectly addresses the problems created by the Christian “Billy Graham Rule.”

The Billy Graham Rule sexualizes women singles and teaches families and men that single women are sexual threats to be avoided, and married Christian women come to view single women as dangerous – the result: single women are excluded and left out, even in church contexts.

Nobody wants to help or meet alone with single women because it is assumed an extra-marital affair will always be the result. I have blogged on that subject before many times, as well as the other points she touches upon in this post:

(Link): Eight Ways to Rethink About the Conversation About Singleness by K. Kreminski

Excerpts:

  • These days there is more emphasis on marriage and family than ever.
  • My social media feeds are full of articles and posts about gay marriage, sex in couple relationships, the struggles and joys around creating a healthy Christian marriage, the sadness of miscarriage, the intricacies of parenting, the wars around household chores. I could go on and on. This is all fine, but my concern is that articles about healthy marriage abound whereas articles around healthy singleness are much less popular.
  • Interestingly, the debate about gay marriage has served to harden traditional evangelical views around marriage. Fear is growing among many Christians that unless we protect the institution of marriage our civilization, as we know it, is in peril. I think this is partly what is behind the many books and articles being written about marriage.
  • Ironically, this is happening at a time when we should not be focusing on marriage but on singleness.
  • I can understand the gravitation towards a fixation on marriage; I can even understand that this relationship is very important to God, so it is worth investing in and nurturing. But I can’t fully comprehend the present obsession with the marriage relationship.
  • Demographic studies show that singles (adults never married, divorced, or widowed) make up from 24-51% of population in the Western world. Even those who choose to marry are doing so later (age 29 for men, 27 for women), so they are single for the first decade of adulthood.
  • At a time when more people than ever are choosing to be single or simply end up that way, at a time when the church is telling people with a homosexual orientation that they must remain celibate, at a time when singleness should be encouraged as a viable option for serving God’s mission in the world, we evangelicals are fixated on the marriage relationship.
  • 1. Recognize the privilege that married people with children hold
  • 3. Resist idolizing the nuclear family
  • As a woman I am sometimes accused of being “careerist” and too selfish to think about marriage and children.
  • We emphasize the family image but have contaminated that notion with un-biblical and prejudiced paradigms.
  • For example, church traditions that teach that a woman’s God-ordained role in life is to be a wife and mother at home communicate that women are somehow “less then” or settling for second best if they remain single.

(( click here to read the rest ))


Related Content (Off Site):

(Link):   Same-Sex Marriage and the Single Christian by K Beaty

  • How marriage-happy churches are unwittingly fueling same-sex coupling—and leaving singles like me in the dust.

Related Posts (on this blog):

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy”

(Link):  Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Most Marrieds Remain Amazingly Blinded to Christian Discrimination Against Singles Or Write Unmarrieds’ Concerns Off, As Though They Are Nothing Compared to Marriage/ Parenting.

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link):  Did Gay Marriage Provoke A Conversation About No Marriage At All?

(Link):  Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (as of 2014)

(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers

(Link): “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link):  Reclaiming Stolen Friendships – a blog post criticizing the Sexist, Anti – Singles Christian Billy Graham Rule

(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

(Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial)

(Link): A Response by Colon to Regnerus Re: Misguided Early Marriage Propaganda

(Link):  Time to End ‘Nuclear Family Privilege’ – Let’s Overcome Irrational Nostalgia for a Version of Family Long Since Transformed

(Link): The Types of Christian Singles Who Annoy Me

(Link):   The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles – Christian Material For Singles is LAME

(Link): When Adult (Hetero) Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link):   Theme Park Bans Single Adults For Fear They Are All Pedophiles

(Link): All The Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister  – Various Links to Reviews or Commentary About the Book and Its Issues 

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link):  The Single American Woman via NY Magazine

(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

(Link): More Anti Singleness Bias From Southern Baptist Leader Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry

(Link):  Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault by  C. Courtney

(Link): Singles in the Church by Dave Faulkner / Also: Isolated: single Christians feel unsupported by family-focused churches (article / survey)

(Link):  Gift of Singleness Gift of Celibacy Unbiblical – Those Terms and Teachings Contribute to Fornication / Editorial About Sex Surrogates

(Link):   I’m a [Single / Unmarried] Woman, and my Church Didn’t Know What To Do With That – by A D Abdallah

(Link):  Single Adult Christian Pressured Into Marriage by Her Church – And Regrets It

(Link):  Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link): Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

(Link):  Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link):  Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin

(Link): Adult Singles Do Not Need A Marital Partner to Be Whole or Complete

(Link):  Moving past stereotypes about sexual desire to find wholeness in Christ By Kelli B. Trujillo

(Link):  The Obligatory, “Oh, but if you’re single you can still benefit from my marriage sermon” line 

(Link):  Family as “The” Backbone of Society?

(Link):  Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles?

(Link):  Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer

(Link): Unmarried / Single People Are Supposedly Bitter & Have Too Much Baggage – and that’s why you’re still single they say

(Link): Paul, Singleness, And Mutuality: Three Proposals for The Church (from Junia Project)

(Link): Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted / Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link):  Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

 (Link):  Singles Advocate DePaulo Responds to Right Wing, Conservative Critics of Singlehood, Who Blame Singles For Breakdown of The Family

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin) (Re: About Marriage, Being Single, Being Childless / Childfree Vs Being a Mother)

(Link):  Stop Overlooking Singles in Church By Joy-Elizabeth Lawrence

(Link):  Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link):  A Liberation Theology for Single People by Christena

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming (this is also by extension Child Free / Childless Shaming)

(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

(Link):  The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

 (Link):  Thirty Year Old Woman Kills Herself Due to Being Single and Childless – Churches contribute to this by either Ignoring adult singles or shaming them for being single and childless

(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

(Link):  Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link):  Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

(Link):   The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

(Link):  Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? / “Greedy Marriages”

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

(Link):  The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage – Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged. by N. Rodgers

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

(Link): Does God Require Singles to Be Perfect Before He Will Send Them a Spouse

(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

(Link):  The Death of Romance (How Christians Have Made Romantic Relationships and Marriage Into Idols) from CT

(Link): How Christian Teachings on Marriage/ Singleness/ Gender Roles/ Dating Are Keeping Christian Singles Single

(Link): A Critique of – 10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry by J. Lee Grady / And on Christians Marrying Non Christians -and- Unrealistic, Too Rigid Spouse Selection Lists by Christians

(Link): How Christian Teachings on Marriage/ Singleness/ Gender Roles/ Dating Are Keeping Christian Singles Single

(Link): Gender Complementarian Advice to Single Women Who Desire Marriage Will Keep Them Single Forever / Re: Choosing A Spiritual Leader

(Link): Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even Celebrities Have A Hard Time

(Link):  Depressing Testimony: “I Was A Stripper but Jesus Sent Me A Great Christian Husband”

(Link):  Some Christians Have Some Very Strange, Unsettling,  Creepy, or Authoritarian Ideas About Marriage, Divorce, or Mate Selection – and they think they should make your life choices for you

(Link): A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc

(Link): The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People

(Link):  Preacher: ‘They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Hot SEX Lives’ – and once more, never-married celibate adults and their experiences, wisdom, and input are ignored

(Link):  You Will Be Ignored After Your Spouse Dies

Link):  Five Unhelpful Things Singles Are Tired Of Hearing by R. Duncan / Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Single Friends by K. Wilkinson

(Link):  According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ?

 

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