Dear Abby: Teen Gets a Boyfriend, Snubs Her Old Pal

Dear Abby: Teen Gets a Boyfriend, Snubs Her Old Pal

This is something I find deeply annoying. I’ve blogged on it only once before: you’re a single woman with a single female buddy who regularly hangs out with you UNTIL she gets the new boyfriend or husband – then she neglects her friendship with YOU unless and until her new man goes out of town, dumps her, or dies.

Then all the sudden she walks back into your life, expecting you to be there for her. I hate it when women do this to other women, or girls do it to girls.

Basically Abby tells the letter writer that’s just the way it is, suck it up and deal with it.

My advice to the Mom: just wait when Cora’s friend’s BF dumps her (and it will happen eventually), you can allow Cora to give her the cold shoulder: no female buddy support system for the friend, the friend will have to cry and get over the break up all on her little own and suffer the resulting loneliness.

She dumps your kid Cora for a boyfriend – tell her to return the favor when the inevitable split comes along (Cora gets dumped by the BF). In the meantime, help your kid make new friends and also get her involved in solo activities – sports or hobbies.

Dear Abby: Teen gets a boyfriend, snubs her old pal

DEAR ABBY:

My beautiful, kindhearted, loving daughter “Cora” has a “best friend” she used to be very close with.

However, her friend now has a boyfriend, so Cora doesn’t see her on weekends or receive texts from her very often anymore.

Everything they plan to do together, the girl cancels.

My daughter is so distraught that it is affecting her emotionally and physically. Cora has told her friend many times how she feels, but it has made no difference.

Her friend promises her things and never follows through. My daughter suffers from social anxiety, so making a good friend is a rarity for her.

I tell her I love her and that I’m always here for her, but although Cora sees a therapist, nothing seems to comfort her. The school she attends stops accepting new students after ninth grade, so there is no chance of her meeting anybody new.

We have tried having her join other activities, but they don’t last.

I’m desperate to help her. Any advice?

— BROKENHEARTED MOM

DEAR MOM:

If you haven’t already, talk to Cora’s therapist. There may be a medication that will help to lessen her intense social anxiety, or she may need a different therapist.

What’s going on between your daughter and her former best friend isn’t unusual.

When romance intervenes, it is common for teenage girls to focus their attention and energy on the boyfriend and less on their girlfriends.

Expecting this girl to be your daughter’s sole support system is unrealistic and unfair to the girl.

Because it is unlikely that Cora will find new friends in the context of school, continue to find outside activities that will give her something to do as well as contact with other teens.

And, if Cora is open to it, you might consider having her volunteer at an animal rescue group or letting her adopt a pet from a shelter.


Related Post:

(Link): Women Who Dump Women Friends As Soon As They Get A Spouse or Boyfriend (Letter to Advice Columnist)

(Link): Dear Abby: I’m Sick Of My Friend Always Venting About Her Marriage

(Link):  The Rise of Delayed Marriage and Female Friendship – article from The Atlantic

(Link):  Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her

(Link):   How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

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