Research: Being Single [or Fear of Being Single] is a Meaningful Predictor of Settling for Less in Relationships

Research: Being Single [or Fear of Being Single] is a Meaningful Predictor of Settling for Less in Relationships

Via: (Link): Five Signs You Are Settling For Less Than You Deserve in Your Relationship

via DivorcedMoms Site


By Terry Gaspard, Featured Journalist – February 07, 2014

…. You may even know intellectually that nobody should have to settle for less than they deserve but your emotions are conflicted.  This may leave you unwilling to take the chance of breaking things off because you fear you won’t meet someone else and will be alone for a long time.

Perhaps some of your friends have been single for a while and they complain about how hard it is to meet a nice man or woman. Underneath all of these rationalizations is a deep seated fear of being alone.

New research conducted by (Link): Stephanie S. Spielman demonstrates that fear of being single is a meaningful predictor of settling for less in relationships.  In her groundbreaking study, Spielman discovered that the fear of being single predicts settling for less in romantic relationships.

She found that fear of being single is a strong predictor of staying with a partner who is wrong for you.

Further, Spielman’s results showed that individuals who report being fearful of being alone will stay with unresponsive, less attractive partners rather than face that dreaded fate. Being fearful of being alone was also associated with being less selective of a potential partner at speed-dating events in her landmark study.

Let’s face it, nobody should have to settle for less than they deserve just for the sake of being part of a couple. But what is the source of your fear of being single? Although the answer varies from person to person, one factor that causes someone to settle is past experiences of romantic rejection and another is fear of prolonged singlehood.

Of all the difficult experiences that individuals face in life, (Link): being alone can be among the hardest.

Growing up, you probably weren’t given good examples of how to be alone.

….Single women may be reluctant to acknowledge the challenges of being alone for fear of being seen as desperate or needy.

According to author Sara Eckel, many of the stereotypes we have about single women are misleading. She writes, “The single life isn’t a prison sentence nor is it a cocktail party.

It is simply a life – a life with responsibilities and rewards, good days and bad ones, successes and failures. In her article “Stop Telling  Single Women They Are Fabulous,” she reminds us that we don’t really know how to discuss single women in our culture because in times past they were seen as lonely spinsters, quietly languishing in their studio apartments.

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Related Posts:

(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (2014)

(Link):  ‘Leftover’ Is A Term Used In Many Parts of Asia For Women Who Haven’t Married By Their Mid-20s

(Link): ‘I stopped having sex or relationships for ten years. Here’s what happened’ by Anonymous

(Link): Codependence Is Not Oneness: What Christians Get Wrong About Relationships

(Link): Do You Feel Shame About Being Single? By John Amodeo, PhD

(Link): Every Successful Relationship is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons by M. Manson

(Link):  Stop telling single women they’re fabulous! by S. Eckel

(Link):  Decent Secular Relationship Advice: How to Pick Your Life Partner

(Link):  Settling Vs Being Lonely (letter to advice columnist)

(Link): When You Are Lonely In Your Marriage by K. Parsons

(Link): Married Woman Says She’s Lonely Because Her Husband Works All The Time

(Link): Why Lonely People Stay Lonely

(Link):   You’re the only person who will notice if you’re dining alone. So enjoy it by Oliver Burkeman

(Link):   Live alone? You’re not alone (from CBS news)

(Link):  Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

(Link): When You’re Married and Lonely by J. Slattery

(Link): People today living alone more than ever before

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link):  Never Married Adult Woman Says Married Friends Did Not Help Her When She Was Sick

(Link): Adult Singles Do Not Need A Marital Partner to Be Whole or Complete

(Link):  Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles?

(Link): Stop Telling Your Single Friends to Try Dating Sites – Please.

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy”

(Link):   Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Becker

(Link): Singleness Is Not A Gift

(Link):  Five Unhelpful Things Singles Are Tired Of Hearing by R. Duncan / Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Single Friends by K. Wilkinson

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Most Marrieds Remain Amazingly Blinded to Christian Discrimination Against Singles Or Write Unmarrieds’ Concerns Off, As Though They Are Nothing Compared to Marriage/ Parenting.

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

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