- By Terry Gaspard, Featured Journalist – February 07, 2014
- …. You may even know intellectually that nobody should have to settle for less than they deserve but your emotions are conflicted. This may leave you unwilling to take the chance of breaking things off because you fear you won’t meet someone else and will be alone for a long time.
- Perhaps some of your friends have been single for a while and they complain about how hard it is to meet a nice man or woman. Underneath all of these rationalizations is a deep seated fear of being alone.
- New research conducted by (Link): Stephanie S. Spielman demonstrates that fear of being single is a meaningful predictor of settling for less in relationships. In her groundbreaking study, Spielman discovered that the fear of being single predicts settling for less in romantic relationships.
- She found that fear of being single is a strong predictor of staying with a partner who is wrong for you.
- Further, Spielman’s results showed that individuals who report being fearful of being alone will stay with unresponsive, less attractive partners rather than face that dreaded fate. Being fearful of being alone was also associated with being less selective of a potential partner at speed-dating events in her landmark study.
- Let’s face it, nobody should have to settle for less than they deserve just for the sake of being part of a couple. But what is the source of your fear of being single? Although the answer varies from person to person, one factor that causes someone to settle is past experiences of romantic rejection and another is fear of prolonged singlehood.
- Of all the difficult experiences that individuals face in life, (Link): being alone can be among the hardest.
- Growing up, you probably weren’t given good examples of how to be alone.
- ….Single women may be reluctant to acknowledge the challenges of being alone for fear of being seen as desperate or needy.
- According to author Sara Eckel, many of the stereotypes we have about single women are misleading. She writes, “The single life isn’t a prison sentence nor is it a cocktail party.
- It is simply a life – a life with responsibilities and rewards, good days and bad ones, successes and failures. In her article “Stop Telling Single Women They Are Fabulous,” she reminds us that we don’t really know how to discuss single women in our culture because in times past they were seen as lonely spinsters, quietly languishing in their studio apartments.
(Link): Why Lonely People Stay Lonely
(Link): Lonely Sunday: Single Christians and the Church’s Opportunity by K. Becker
(Link): Singleness Is Not A Gift
(Link): Christian ‘Married People’ Privilege – Most Marrieds Remain Amazingly Blinded to Christian Discrimination Against Singles Or Write Unmarrieds’ Concerns Off, As Though They Are Nothing Compared to Marriage/ Parenting.