I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture) – Provides Yet Another Reason to Ditch the Equally Yoked Teaching

I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture) – Provides Yet Another Reason to Ditch the Equally Yoked Teaching

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• I would not be surprised if (Link): my Blog Stalker, John Morgan, still visits my blog (and sometimes my Twitter account) and steals links and story ideas to blog on at his blog. He’ll probably swipe the following story I found and feature it on his own blog.

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I did not see an author’s name on this. It just says “Anonymous”

I have a few comments below this long excerpt:

(Link): I Waited to Have Sex Until I Was 26, And Now I Can’t Have an Orgasm (by a Woman Raised in Christian Purity Culture)

• by Anonymous
• May 27, 2016
• I can’t even talk to my sister or some of my closest friends about it because they all still think I’m a virgin, living my life of purity for the Lord.
•  ——–

• I was raised in an almost cult-like Southern Reformed Baptist church. I was told that sex was wrong, lustful thinking was wrong, and basically anything that involved sex before marriage would send me straight to hell. It wasn’t until last year that I had the first physical step of courage to go against my upbringing and risk losing everyone around me to do what I thought was right and okay as a woman — not what I was told by evangelical men.

• ….The church taught us that sex was one of the cardinal sins. Once defiled, always defiled. Women could not make decisions without a father or husband to do it for them, and how would we earn a husband if we were not pure?

• They trained the young girls in our church, myself included, that we should live and die to find a husband. Education was fine, as long as it contributed to getting a husband. “Be fruitful and multiply” was the mantra.

• I went along with this. It was all I knew, and I had no mother figure to tell me otherwise. As I grew older, though, I grew indignant of my small amount of options.

• They told us to find a husband within the church, one who was “equally yolked,” but no man in the church chose from the church. They left the church to find wives and left a congregation of deserted and bewildered home-schooled hearts. Yet they were applauded for their fine, godly choices in women. Meanwhile, the women of the church were left to rot.

• [skip past some of her story, which involves her years in college]

• I left college. After a year of lonesome depression, never really fitting in anywhere, I had an existential crisis. After months of wrestling, I had to admit to myself that I just didn’t think sex was wrong. I didn’t think anything or anyone who had goodness and love in them and did not harm others could be wrong.

• And then I fell in love again. With an atheist.

• I was 26 years old. I got my own health insurance (my family felt birth control was a sin) and I visited a gynecologist for the first time. I told her I met someone and I wanted to have sex with him. She put me on Loestrin, and I attempted to have sex with my new atheist boyfriend.

• At the time, I was blissfully unaware that I was going to fall in love with this man. I had met him a couple of times and had a crush and figured he’d be a great place to start on my newfound sex-positive journey.

• It hurt like hell and it took over a week to actually fit all the way in and “get the deed done,” but I was a determined little ex-Christian. I wouldn’t trade my experience for the world. He was sweet and caring and made me feel beautiful and safe.

• But there was one little problem: I wasn’t interested in sex anymore.

• What used to take up almost every available moment of thought in my mind was now dwindling to something that had the same level of interest to me as a bag of potato chips. I actually I might have been more interested in the potato chips because chips are delicious.

• I had only been on birth control for a week or so at this point. I just didn’t care; I felt nothing.

• Granted, we continued to have sex and it was fun and felt good in a new and fun kind of way, but I would never come close to an orgasm, and damned if he didn’t try his hardest to get me there.

• This man spent so much time on me (and still does — he is tireless and determined) and loved every second of it, but nothing.

• My libido flat-lined because of birth control.

• I am 27, and I have never had an orgasm. I have done everything and my boyfriend has done everything. I’ll come close, but instead of an orgasm, my physical reaction is to start crying. I physically can’t handle the tension that has built up within me over the past year and a half, and my body’s release is to cry because it chemically is being restricted from the sweet release of an orgasm. For the longest time, I thought it was religious guilt or the fear of disappointing the small bit of family I have, but then quickly realized that’s bullshit.

• On my last visit, my gyno told me that nothing could be done. It’s chemical. The hormones in my birth control are literally blocking the hormones that drive my libido from doing their job.

• ….So here I am, still physically incapable of having an orgasm. The saddest part about this is I can’t even talk to my sister or some of my closest friends about it because they all still think I am a virgin, living my life of purity for the Lord.
• I stopped going to church. My boyfriend, the atheist love of my life, wants to move in with me, and marriage is on the horizon. And all this while I can’t even talk to my sister about it (she is still hardcore Christian and married to a “spiritual leader”). And I can’t move in with the man I love because it would destroy my father, who loves me very much.
• (( click here to read the rest ))

Regarding this portion:

• And I can’t move in with the man I love because it would destroy my father, who loves me very much.

I could easily write ten pages about that comment of hers alone. Look, Anonymous,  you are 27 years old. An adult.

It’s YOUR LIFE to live.

You can and must make choices that make YOU happy, even if they disappoint your father. Even if Dear Old Dad rejects you or weeps into his pillow every night.

I have lived a life very similar to yours (I was even brought up Southern Baptist, and with all the “Be Equally Yoked” garbage, and all the sexism taught under “gender complementarian” views).

I spent years basing a lot of my choices and living my life to make my mother happy.

And while I still love my mother (who is dead now), I very much regret all the chances I threw away, and I regret all the wasted years, all because I was afraid of making choices that my mother would disapprove of or be disappointed by.

I’m in my 40s now. You’re in your 20s. Do not waste the rest of your 20s or your 30s living for your dad, or from fear of losing him or losing his approval – or you WILL regret it when you are my age.

It’s better for you to do what you feel is right FOR YOU than worry about how your life choices will make your Dad or sister unhappy.

I strongly recommend you read this book:

(Link):  The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome

As to the rest of the content of her post, I find it interesting how simply deciding to reject a lot of the Christian sexual morality she learned growing up, all to trade it in for a “sex positive,” hedonistic sexual lifestyle, did not automatically translate to happiness or great sex, as so many liberal, secular feminists (and some ex Christians) promise women will be the case, if they just chuck all the Christian morality out the window and boink around like a dog in heat.

If her atheist boyfriend cares about her so much, why doesn’t he give her an orgasm by performing oral sex on her? Or by slapping on a condom so she can go off this Libido killing birth control she’s been on? Is he a selfish guy or something?

DUMP THE EQUALLY YOKED TEACHING

One of my big take-aways from her article is how she could not get a Christian boyfriend at her Christian church.

She even says the single, Christian guys at her church were deliberately trying to look for wives outside of her church, which left her and her other single, female church-going friends without any potential matches.

She ended up having to date an atheist guy, because there were no single males for her to date within her church.

Really, if you are a Christian single woman who desires marriage, you are going to have to consider marrying a Non-Christian guy.

Just be sure the guy you choose treats you well.

How a guy treats you should be your main criteria, rather than any Christian garbage you’ve been taught, such as “is the guy a Christian,” “is this guy a good spiritual leader for me,” “does this guy love the Lord and attend church.”

You need to ditch those “church-y,” Christianese mate selection criteria you’ve been fed and brainwashed with in books, sermons, and blogs, since you were a teen girl and open your mind to consider dating Non-Christian men, or you will stay single for years and years…

God is not sending single, marriage-minded Christian women Christian mates.

If there is a God, he apparently does not even honor the “be equally yoked” teaching, God does not honor people’s prayers, otherwise all (to almost all) the single Christian women who had prayed for a Christian husband would have received one by now, but that is not the case.

The “equally yoked” teaching is a cruel, unnecessary, Spinster-Making formula. Ditch it. Dump it.

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Related Posts:

(Link):  John Hugh Morgan Still Lurking At My Blog as of summer 2015 – What Nerve

(Link):  Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted / Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan

(Link):  Husband-Hunting is the Worst Part of a Christian Upbringing – Christianity Made Me Obsessed with Finding a Husband – by B. Ramos

(Link):   Living Myths About Virginity – article from The Atlantic 

(Link): Why Some People Become 30 Year Old Virgins (Article / Study)

(Link): On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)

(Link): Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)

(Link): 105-year-old virgin says no sex the key to long life

(Link):  After Evangelical Virgins Marry, Then What? (New Study Discusses Problems Male Christians Have After Marriage With Sex)

(Link):  Stop Pretending Sex Never Hurts, By D.C. McAllister

(Link):  Secular, Left Wing Feminist Site That Is Against Slut Shaming But For Casual Sex Publishes Article That Inadvertently Makes A Case Against Casual Sex

(Link): Inconsistency on Feminist Site – Choices Have Consequences

(Link):  Problems Created by Conservative Christian Teachings About Virginity, Sex, and Marriage: Christian Couple Who Were Virgins At Marriage Are Experiencing Sexual Problems – Re: UnVeiled Wife (Marriage does not guarantee great sex)

(Link): Slut Shaming and Virgin Shaming and Secular and Christian Culture – Dirty Water / Used Chewing Gum and the CDC’s Warnings – I guess the CDC is a bunch of slut shamers ?

(Link):   Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (i.e., Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)

(Link):    Abstinence Groups: New Sex-Ed Study Misses Point of Urging Teens to Wait

(Link):  Why are young feminists so clueless about sex? by M. Wente

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): The Myth of Safe Sex by D. Foley

(Link): Celibate Shaming from an Anti- Slut Shaming Secular Feminist Site (Hypocrisy) Feminists Do Not Support All Choices

(Link):  Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

(Link): I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse To Be A Virgin – (Secular Editorial Defends Virginity – More Rare Than a Unicorn Sighting)